(Closed) Am I taking this the wrong way or is my photographer being a jerk? (LONG!!)

posted 7 years ago in Photos/Videos
Post # 62
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you’re both somewhat in the wrong here. Presumably you looked at his portfolio and were happy with his style, attention to detail shots, etc. before booking him, right? Your email does come across as a bit of a last minute, spazzy attempt to micro manage (and frankly a bit insulting: of course he’s going to take pictures of the tablescapes, cake table, and reception room–just how incompetent do you think he is?!), and if you’re changing times, etc. around this close to the big day, he’s probably worried that you’re going to be switching things around and micromanaging on the day of instead of enjoying your wedding and trusting him to do his job. So this may have been an attempt to say “back off, relax, I’ve got this” on his part.

That said, I agree with you that his email was passive-aggressive and unprofessional. But at this point, you’re stuck with him, so I wouldn’t say another damn thing. Be calm and friendly on your big day, trust that he is going to do an excellent job, and focus on the things you can control. If you’re still pissed off about this after you have your pictures or if you have further issues with him, leave a review to that effect on Yelp/wherever. But for now, chalk it up to a clumsy but ultimately well-intentioned attempt to get you off his back, because I’m sure he’s had experiences with brides telling him how to do his job during their weddings, and how is he supposed to take great photos of the happy couple if the bride is busy micromanaging every detail?

Post # 63
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@RinaRoo:  I would be annoyed too.  It’s unprofessional to be passive aggresive like that, he could have just said something like don’t worry, please trust me that I will be able to cover everything on the wedding day.  Try to let it go though.

I had an infestation of tiny bugs at an old apartment which didn’t go away after the building’s exterminator did a couple jobs on it.  I told my landlord, he said he would take care of it, and then you know what he did?  He slipped a printout from the internet under my door, it was on how to treat head lice.  WTF.  I was beyond angry!  In response, I just drafted a formal letter citing the landlord-tenant law on warranty of habitability and afterward he was definitely more cooperative.

Post # 64
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I am a wedding photographer and I would never, ever send something like that to my clients. Yeah, the email the OP sent was a little micro-managey, but that’s part and parcel of working in the wedding business. I would have just replied that of course I will do my best to capture everything. 

I do want to say this: your photographer is only one person. If detail shots are important to you then you need to allow for them in the schedule or pay for a second photographer to cover these things. 

Post # 65
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I agree,that your e-mail was a little bit pushy in case you saw his works before. If he had showed you the pictures he made, and he has lots of pictures with those little details,I can understand his feeling. BUT he did not have to show it like professional, he must understand that bride can be very nervous before the wedding and  even if he wanted to calm you down, he had to WRITE it in his reply,not just attach the link,like “I’m too cool to type myself for everyone “. Hope, this was just a misunderstanding,and everything will be great!Good luck!

Post # 66
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I was like the most laid back bride ever, but I seriously don’t get how people are saying the OP micromanaged. Most photographers ask for a “must have” shot list anyway, and beyond that, she informed him of changes in the times that he was scheduled to take photos. That is necessary information. How is it micromanaging? All she did was communicate logistics and shere her expectations. She didn’t try to take away any of his creative control by ordering how he should go about taking pictures of these things, what angles she’d want him to shoot from, etc. That in my mind would be micromanaging–not listing things she’d like him to photograph. Isn’t that standard? You hear so many horror stories on here of brides who don’t end up getting any of the photos that they want…I think it’s very smart of her to communicate her desires.

OP, his response would leave a bad taste in my mouth too, especially since he’s already given you reason to doubt him. At this point, there’s not a whole lot you can do unfortunately, so I’d let it go. But even if this is something he sends all his brides, he definitely should’ve provided more context for the article because what he did comes across as passive-aggressive and a ilttle childish.

Anyway, I hope that all goes well & that you get all of the pictures that you want!

Post # 67
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think you were a little pushy. This is his job. He knows what he’s doing. How would you like it if someone at work just came up to you and told you how to do things? I think you get better results (in any aspect) if you let them do their job. A good example would be your stylist– I have always received the best service and best haircuts when I give them a simple outline and let their creativity shine.

Post # 68
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@RinaRoo:  It came off a little snarky to me, but understand where you both are coming from:

You: bride who has worked very hard to make everything perfect.

Him: photographer who has worked very hard to establish enough of a reputation that you hired him by knowing what he’s doing.

 

You both are taking pride in your work, and maybe your message made him feel like YOU thought he couldnt handle doing his job. I really wouldnt fret over it ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 69
Member
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

It’s such a short response by him that it’s hard to tell what he meant. In your e-mail you are clearly stressing over the details and he sent you an article that basically says: “Relax”. You can either take that as a negative or positive. I think you may be assuming the worst because you’re in stress-mode (and understandably so). Before you let this escalate and blow up in your head and read all these hundreds on different responses, just talk to him. Most things can be solved through communication. 

Call him and say: “Hey photographer. I just got your last e-mail. I’m really sorry if i gave you too many details. I do completely trust you. I was afraid you were thinking that I was trying to micromanage based on you sending me that article…” wait for the response. You address it in a way that is non-confrontational. 

Neither of you wants to be on edge for the day so take comfort in the fact that you both just want a great result ๐Ÿ™‚ Most importantly: Congratulations on your wedding!!!!!!!!

 

Post # 70
Member
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@lookingforadvice77:  I htink it might have come off a little micromanagey because it sounded like she was reinterating again stuff that she’d already sent once about favorite shots etc.

Post # 71
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

OP, how did the day-of go?

Post # 72
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Songstress_7: Huh. I didn’t take it as her reiterating information at all, but rather that she was sharing additional information: 1) that her timeline had changed, and 2) that she had forgotten to share specific shots & wanted to add them to the shot list (which he requested).

I always think communication is a good idea, and I think any professional in the service industry should value and encourage open communication. Obviously if she’s harrassing him or infringing on his artistic style, there is a problem. But from my perspective, it looks like she was merely sharing information–that, to me, is never micromanaging. Anyway, hopefully it will all amount to nothing & the OP will get the shots she’d like.

Post # 73
Member
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@lookingforadvice77:  Yeah, I re-read it and I agree with you.  I think I read it too quickly ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 75
Member
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@RinaRoo:  aww that’s great to hear!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 76
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@RinaRoo: Oh! Somehow I missed that this thread was a few days old! Congrats!!

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