Am I the afterthought

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1658 posts
Bumble bee

If after 7 years your SO isn’t counting you in for plans like that, it’s because they’re contemplating breaking up with you before then. Might as well take back control and beat him to the punch. 

Post # 17
Member
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

This is just weird. Afterthought indeed. If he us this flippant towards you about a major wedding in his FAMILY, I can only imagine how he is in the day to day. Find someone who is excited to be with you. 

Post # 18
Member
479 posts
Helper bee

whyme22 :  Not telling you about such a big family event means he doesn’t consider you family. At this point, he considers you a roommate with benefits. You don’t give engagement rings to roommates. Sorry Bee. I’d move out tomorrow. 

Post # 19
Member
570 posts
Busy bee

Leave him. This is not a relationship. You are roommates. 

Also, I’ve been in your position and I stupidly hung around only to be hurt the same way repeatedly. That was a huge mistake. I should have left that asshole way sooner. 

Good luck and hugs. 

Post # 20
Member
5556 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Yeah, he’s wasting your time. You are clearly not his priority and if you continue to put up with it,  you will be showing him that you accept that dynamic.

Post # 21
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I just find it odd that it wouldn’t even come up in random conversation. Like “hey my brother got engaged. Think they’re doing some destination wedding or something” or some other vague manly description. But even if you didn’t get the details or an official invite, it’s weird he didn’t even mention such a big thing…?

Post # 22
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

You must not be close to his family at all if you didn’t know his brother was engaged for 6 months

Post # 23
Member
854 posts
Busy bee

He is keeping things from you.

Not making your needs or feelings a priority at all.

Not standing up for you after a 7 year relationship.

His family do not seem to give you much thought either.

This is going nowhere. You know what time it is? Time to bail. 

 

Post # 26
Member
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Does his brother even know you exist?  When DH’s brother got engaged and planned a destination wedding, we were dating for 7 years and not yet engaged, and yeah, I was on every email that went out about the wedding.  Darling Husband would have been furious if I wasn’t included on those emails.  Bee, you’re not an afterthought, you’re just not a thought at all.   Sorry.

Post # 27
Member
2674 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

I went to my SIL’s destination wedding when I had only been dating my now-husband for seven months.  I’d seriously be questioning my relationship in your shoes.

Post # 28
Member
501 posts
Busy bee

Wow, this is awful. Is this the kind of relationship that you want to be in? You are in your 30s – there are tons of men out there looking to get married, who would consider themselves lucky to be with you. So go out and find them. 

Post # 29
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2029

You deserve waaay better.  1st off, had you been a priority, his family would have invited you.  You’ve been w/him 7 years, do they not know you?  Anyways he would have asked to bring you.  My partner wasn’t invited to a wedding (we just started dating) and even I asked if I could bring him.  There will be someone out there who makes you a priority.

Post # 30
Member
965 posts
Busy bee

The last person I know that did this to a girl intentionally didn’t invite her because he didn’t want her tagged in photos on social media, because he was working up the nerve to leave her and was waiting until he broke another girl down with “confirmed interest” in him before he officially left her.

He didn’t leave her that weekend. He pretended to the other girl that he did, though. He told the Girlfriend he was leaving for a family vacation for two weeks. He told the girl he was chatting with that he had “finally broken up with her,” to see what her response would be to his single status. And, everyone thought it was normal and fine that he posted photos of just himself and his family at the wedding because everyone had a story that confirmed what they already “knew.”  His family knew that he wasn’t serious about the girlfriend.

He left the woman a few weeks later, for good.

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