(Closed) Am I the crazy one? Baby shower etiquette…

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
9210 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Why can’t you buy for the baby? Gender natural baby items are very common now days and things like most books and nappies are genderless.

Being asked to bring a dish is tacky though.

Post # 3
Member
3440 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

I need to make sure I have this correct. Your cousin calls herself throwing a baby shower but she’s asking for guests to bring her gifts vs. gender neutral items for the baby, asking guests to provide the food for this event plus requesting to have someone volunteer their home to use? 😂 Nah son. If it was my cousin I’d tell her to get her sh*t together but thats how we talk to one another in my family.

Post # 4
Member
3821 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Umm why does not knowing the gender mean you can’t get a baby present?? Babies are babies, they like the same things boy or girl.

The rest of it is a bit much. Asking whose house she can use lol!? If you’re too annoyed then politely decline. Otherwise just get a small baby toy or blanket, bring the easiest thing for you and call it a day. Just think that she’s being a bit silly but you do love her. 

Post # 5
Member
3353 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
TiggersMitts :  I mean…the whole thing is tacky AF, starting with the fact that there’s a shower for a second baby (without even the excuse of the second baby being a different gender, in which case it MIGHT be socially acceptable to throw a “sprinkle”). So the fact that you’re being asked to bring food and provide a location…well I guess it’s not that shocking 🙄

Post # 6
Member
5477 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

The horror of a girl baby getting a non pink babygrow as a gift! 

Post # 7
Member
13947 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d be annoyed with all of the add-ons.  I also think a baby shower for a second baby is inappropriate, though, and likely would have declined unless there were crazy extenuating circumstances (a fire destroyed all their baby stuff, etc).  If you want to go, you can figure out something gender netural for a baby gift and then pick up a premade fruit salad or box of cookies at the grocery store.  I wouldn’t put a ton of effort in, though.

Post # 8
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I went to a gender neutral baby shower a few months ago. We bought everything gray or beige for “baby equipment” (high chair, bouncy seat, carrier, stroller etc) 

 

You can buy green, blue, yellow, white, gray, beige clothes. The blue is questionable, but I wouldn’t be above putting a girl in blue clothes. Buy whatever you want to get her! 

Post # 9
Member
4967 posts
Honey bee

I would decline.  She’s stacking tacky on top of tacky on top of tacky.  I would just visit with her one on one at some point, bring diapers and a small token gift for the baby (book, blanket, stuffed animal, etc.) Or a savings bond.  My other go to gift is a gift certificate for a portrait studio to put towards baby’s first portraits.  That way it is still something for the kid.

Post # 10
Member
9207 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Not knowing gender is no excuse to not buy baby gifts! We didn’t know ahead of time and still received plenty of neutral gifts. It was a lot of gray and yellow but those are my favorite colors anyways. Also most of my daughter’s pajamas are from the boys department – you don’t need a penis to think dinosaur feet pjs are awesome! 

Post # 11
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I am baffled as to how anyone would find it difficult to buy a gift for a baby just because they don’t know the sex.

Post # 12
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

So the “host” doesn’t have a place to host the shower at, isn’t bothering to provide food AND has dictated what type of gift you should bring???

HELL TO THE NO.

I’m sorry but to me, if you’re going to HOST an event, that means you’re providing the location, drinks, food and decorations. In my circles, hosting the shower is akin to a gift for the mom to be – I would always get a little something for mom but the cost and burden of hosting the shower would be your primary contribution.

I went to a baby shower where it was a potluck and I had expectations of a really nicely decorated room, special chair for mom, etc, since the host didn’t have to sort out the food. Yeah, not so much, it was a tacky affair in a dated, dingy party room.

I would skip the party entirely – pick out something you like as a gift for baby and drop it off to your cousin personally. Let her know you’re sorry you can’t make the shower but you wanted to get her something anyways.

Post # 13
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee

There’s been a surge in my circle of women having baby showers for their second and third kids, regardless of whether it’s the same gender of their previous children. I find it to be such a tacky gift grab and a cry for attention.

I’d buy something for the baby (pajamas, bibs, etc), not offer to host it at my house, say I’d bring some store bought cookies and leave it at that. Sounds like your cousin is bored.

Post # 14
Member
715 posts
Busy bee

Wow. Some people can be so uptight and judgemental…

Someone is throwing your cousin a surprise shower. Perhaps they have a perfectly good reason for not having it their own home so they are asking for possible volunteers to host, I see no issue with this.

The hostess thought she would do something nice for a mom who already has all the baby things she will need and decided to do gifts for mom instead. I think that is a lovely idea!!! Moms get tired and worn out, and they need gifts sometimes too!

And who cares if it is a potluck or seated dinner… are we all so ritzy that we require plated meals at every gathering?!? 

What is with the hate for second baby showers by the way? I threw a second shower for my best friends most recent pregnancy… you’d be shocked what gets ruined/ becomes unusable with the first baby, so why not get together for a second shower for the mom?

This hostess is obviously trying to throw a low key surprise shower… and if i were you i would go and have a blast 😊

Post # 15
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
macpartyoftwo :  I think you missed the part where OP was invited to a party then asked LATER to basically supply food for it. I’m all for celebrating motherhood, however, it should have been discussed from the get-go as an informal get together potluck. 

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