(Closed) Am I the only one?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
273 posts
Helper bee

@RoseyBee: I think the reason most people on here have an idea is because after a certain point they stop accepting the whole surprise thing, considering it an excuse and becoming intolerant of that response…I am by no means saying that it is an excuse! but alot of women can’t handle not knowing when things will unfold for them and that their future completely lies on the timeline of one man’s decision!

That being said! I have been dating my bf for a little over 2 1/2 years, He too said he wants the proposal to be a complete surprise… I expect that we will be engaged next year some point bc I have told him that I want to move forward with our relationship at that point, ( we will both be finished with our Master’s degrees), working fulltime. We are both the same age (26) and I told him that I always thought I would marry someone older but given that we are the same age I want him to be able to commit to me by next year, I think 31/2 years is plenty of time to know if you want to marry the person you are with, especially if it means alot to me.

SO, after re-reading what I wrote I don’t think this even answers your question! lol

Let me throw this in there–my mom was going to tell my dad she wanted to  stop spending as much time with him and give up her friday nights with him so she could spend more time with her girlfriends, the next week he asked her how many kids she wanted and then proposed 2 days later lol

Post # 4
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

You are not the only one! Although he did say if things were going well I wouldn’t have to wait as long as his ex, which is like 4-5 years haha.  I don’t really understand the whole timeline thing and I am surprised at how many people have them.  I’m not opposed but I certainly didn’t have one for my first engagement.

 

On your relationship…how long have you two been together?  Is there anything he might be waiting for?  A special occasion? Money?  Finishing school?  Everyone’s relationship is different so it’s hard to say!  Have you been ring shopping or anything?

Post # 5
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I used to be in your shoes, but after 6 years of dating and at least 4 years of “I have to surprise you!”, I called bulls**t and asked for a 5-year timeline (for more than engagement/marriage, I was about to start my last year of college & so we talked about living situations, job prospects etc).  It later got pushed back 3 years, but at least we talked about it together & it wasn’t a one-sided decision.

It all depends on what you’re comfortable with.  But if you know now that you might be ready to walk in 5 or whatever years if there’s still no movement forward, I’d let him know in the best non-pressuring way you can.

Post # 6
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I felt exactly like this – and my SO was saying the same things – so I sat my SO down and explained how I felt and that I just needed SOME sort of timeline – told him it didn’t need to be specific – but just explained how it feels to be on this end. I got a timeline.

Post # 7
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t have any idea either. We have been looking at rings but I don’t know if he has any money saved up to purchase one. I’m thinking it will definitely be after Christmas but also not more than a year from now. We will have to see!

Post # 8
Member
320 posts
Helper bee

@RoseyBee: you AREN’T the only one!  I, too, have absolutely no clue when my SO is going to propose, and I know what it’s like to feel a little left out. A lot of the bees here have some sort of timeline (even just a vague one) and sometimes I get jealous!

In my case it has to do with him wanting it to be a surprise and also the fact that he (according to what he says) is still saving for the ring, so between those two factors I am COMPLETELY in the dark. I have absolutely no clue if he will be buying the ring before the end of this year, next year, or if it won’t be until the year after that (god I hope it’s not that far away!). I also have no clue how he’ll propose once he has the ring. Like, whether he’d wait for a trip or a holiday or a birthday, or if he’d plan to do it on a day that’s less conspicuous. 

Personally, just from knowing him I don’t think he would wait around for a holiday, and that would be my personal preference as well.  Holiday proposals are very sweet, but Im pretty sure my SO wants to flex his creativity a little and completely catch me off guard, and I would like to see what he comes up with! 🙂

So for me, for now, anyone’s guess is as good as mine! And yes, sometimes it’s frustrating not to know anything, but on the bright side atleast I know I will be totally surprised!

Post # 9
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I always wanted my engagement to be a complete suprise, but once we started coming up toward year 5 I needed answers. After months of agonizing over when it would happen I finally got an answer; he told me that he would do it by the end of a certain month, and he followed through with his promise. It definitely made me feel better at the time but I still kind of wish he had completely surprised me, but I can’t go back and re-do it now! lol

Post # 10
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee

I have no idea when a proposal will come. But we both agree summer 2014 (so, that’s 2 1/2 years from now) would be a nice time to get married and we hope we can save up enough to pay for our wedding by then, so…. I guess it has to be before then! He seems to think a year is fine for engagement, even though I have stressed again and again I’d want a year and a half because venues book fast. Oh well. But you never know, he could surprise me and propose today (highly doubt it……). It can be any time between now and my 23rd birthday for me (Feb 2013). Only when I reach 23 will I start to panic!

Post # 11
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

You are not the only one!  My boyfriend has been dropping strong hints that a proposal is coming.  I also happened to find a couple of clues that he has already scoped out a ring.  When we were out last weekend, after a couple of drinks, I jokingly but seriously mentioned to him that he is not very good at all at keeping secrets from me because I found a layaway slip for a ring in plain view in his truck (I had kept the fact that I saw this a secret for a LONG time).  He got all goofy and said to try not to think about things too much and just enjoy the surprise when it comes. I asked if I would have to wait until next year for that “surprise” and he said “I don’t want to make you wait that long”.  So, in my mind I thought perhaps a proposal may happen over the holidays.

Fast foward a couple of days, and he now tells me he is planning an expensive guys golf trip with my brother to Mexico in February.  I’m crushed, not because he’s going on a guys trip, but because it makes me think he’s not serious about becoming engaged if he isn’t concerned about saving money for a wedding.  Saving aside, I’ve asked him to go on a trip with me for a while now and he said we can’t because we’re saving money.  GAHHH!  So frustrating.

I can honestly say I now have NO IDEA when or if a proposal is actually in my near future.  I’m pretty fed up but am trying not to push the issue.

Post # 12
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

@smiles731:

 

You are right on the money with that first point! I cant believe how many women are willing to leave the decision to get engaged up to the man. I keep saying it: Engagement should NOT be a surprise. The proposal, sure, but not the engagement. That’s something that two rational, consenting adults should discuss at length before purchasing a ring and making it official. 

@RoseyBee:

Don’t let him give you the runaround anymore. This is your life too, and you deserve a conversation about it, at least! I am not engaged yet, but all my married and engaged friends knew it was coming. They talked about it and went ring shopping, my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have done the same thing and I’m pretty sure most people do it this way. It certainly doesn’t HAVE to be a surprise, I personally dont see the value in that. Do you? It doesn’t sound like it. See if he can compromise and give a a few more details than none. This isn’t a birthday present you’re talking about, it’s your future!

Post # 13
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

You are not the only one Rosey Bee! Smile

I know that SO really does want to marry me; he always slips things into conversation, “Our kids will…” and “I pictured you walking down the aisle…” and jokes about when we’re old!  But, I don’t know when.  I think for SO, it is more of a “life stage” than a “time line”, so he can’t really give me a time line…I just have to wait it out till things fall into place.

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