Post # 1
Good morning Bees,
I am a pretty regular poster but wanted to go anon for this and I hope that I can get some advice from you if anyone has been in a similar situation or has any nuggets of advice.
My husband and I are very recently married and just discovered that I am pregnant with a honeymoon baby. I know that this would be a dream come true for so so many which is one of the reasons why I feel guilty that I am not happy about it:(
This would be our first child (we waited for sex until marriage) and I am certainly not in my first flush of youth approaching my 34th bday at the end of this year so I know that I should be happy but I am scared, scared of complications, sacred of being sick, scared of what this will do to our very new marriage and lifestyle. I would have liked even just a few more months of newlywed time. I know I sound completely ungreatful but I can’t get past the sadness. I have a dr.s appointment next week to confirm everything, I have no symptoms except for a missing period and a positive test. I am crying everyday and can’t eat but am tryig to stop the tears in front of my husband a bit! I have had problems in the past with anxierty so that may be feeding into this as well.
I would love any advice or opinions.
Post # 3
Im not sure how much this help, but what you’re feeling is normal. Darling Husband and I have been married over a year now and this is our first pregnancy. I’m scared how our relationship will change, scared of pregnancy, scared of giving birth, and the list goes on. You have 9 months before your little one is here so enjoy as much newlywed time you can. It’s ok to be scared.
Post # 4
I agree with JCar what you are feeling is very normal. I was 37 when found out we were pregnant and we were 3 months away from getting married. I had all those feelings also.
Post # 5
I’m sorry your feeling that way. Just take comfort knowing that people who felt the same way as you fall head over heels in love the moment they hear the heart beat or lay eyes on their baby and couldn’t imagine life any other way. It may take time to get use to the idea, and yeah it’s cutting in on some of your newlywed time but enjoy the next 9 months as best as you can. I’m sure your anxiety does have a lot to do with all your worries or doubts, no advice there but just stay as positive as possible! Congrats!
Post # 6
I wanted this so bad. Darling Husband and I tried for almost a year and were told we would need fertility in order to conceive. Well when we conceived naturally I was scared. I guess because I had it in my head that it would take longer and we could do x,y,and z first. The panick has passed and while still anxious about the changes we are very excited.
I’m assume you knew this was a possibility since no precautions were taken, but you just didn’t think it would be this soon. It is perfectly understandable to be scared. Try to just relax and think of how many wonderful things are to come.
Post # 7
wow! your situation sounds parallel with mine but i was the opposite of the coin cause i really wanted it (and had a lot of fertility tests and such with not great results) and then i got surprise knocked up at 34 on our honeymoon. For me it was a dream come true but i do think that almost everyone gets a bit scared also. i think that is natural.
what you need to ask yourself, in my opinion, are a few hard questions, and fast:
1. Do i want children someday?
If the answer is a definitive YES then i hate to say it but you would be unwise at 34 to think of ending this pregnancy. many women struggle at any age but by 34 i think if you want children then it might be time to face that you are mature enough and it is now or never as much as you wish you could have planned it. you will love and cherish your child if you want children. in fact some who dont want children do too.
2. How do you feel about abortion?
This is so personal. i have always believed in a womans right to choose but also felt in my heart of hearts that i personally couldnt go there if it were me. i know many who have and it is very painful and they never forget but many do survive it.
3. How does your husband feel?
Does he want the child? Did you speak of having children? would he resent you for having/not having/giving up this child?
4. Are you open to adoption?
Many women, some on this board (including me at one point) would be thrilled to have a child to raise as their own and love and nuture and give everything he or she needs. you could give this baby and one of those women a real chance at that without taking it on yourself. it’s huge though. i know.
I am so sorry that you two did not get a chance to have things go as planned. i wish the gods were more balanced and all of those who struggle could trade with those who are more ambivalent. do not feel guilty. you did not wish any struggles on anyone else but for you this ease is a difficult thing. i send you lots of love and i hope that you will come to a happy conclusion in the end.
Post # 8
I know exactly how you feel. I was 23 and had only been married 8 months when I got pregnant last summer. I can very honestly say that I was not happy about it. I cried hysterically when that test came up positive. We did decide right away that we were going to keep the baby. When they did my first ultrasound… I was totally apathetic. I, literally, felt nothing. I didn’t honestly even bocome excited about it until I was 17 weeks and found out we were having a girl.
I will tell you that it does get better. Eventually, the shock and sadness and terror goes away. For me, it was the first time I felt her move inside me. All of a sudden, it clicked that there was really a person in there and it was after that that I felt okay about it. My little girl is 7 weeks old now and I did experience some post-partum depression but I’m feeling a lot better now.
The important thing is that my feelings about my pregnancy have, in no way, made me a worse mother. I love my little girl and I am a good mom. You will be too.
Post # 9
@JCar: Agreed with this statement in full.
You will get a lot of advice from the ladies here on the bee. Just wanted to extend my love.
Post # 10
I can totally relate. We, too, have a honeymoon baby. I cried for days after taking the test. I’m still not even all that excited, but that may be because I hate being pregnant so far (oh the nausea!). Just know you are not alone in this feeling. I think Zippylef has some good advice. 🙂 Big hugs for you!
Post # 11
My girlfriend had a honeymoon baby and they were both a little shocked, worried, upset etc. He had 2 kids from a previous marriage. They lived in her little 2 bedroom town-house and were wanting to sell it and move into something larger pre-babies. Plus he owed a lot of child support/alimony and didn’t have a job that could support two families. So I think they went through a period of not being excited but they got through it and now have 2 kids and are doing great. He got a great job that really helps out so they were able to move to a bigger home.
Get on pre-natal vitamins ASAP just go get some OTC until you meet with doctor. Also I’m 34 and 1st time pregnancy. I’ve been surprised at how well things have been. My cousin got pregnant at 37 un-expectedly so it is possible to have a healthy baby when you haven’t been preparing.
Hope this helps to ease your mind some.
Post # 12
Thank you so much for all the advice and reassurance bees it has helped me to feel much better about things!!
@zippylef – Thank you for sharing your story and congrats on your little one. It’s great to hear a prespective from the other side of this.
Audreysdance – That is the irony of the situation, I have always wanted kids and it was something myself and my husband agreed on before we got engaged and I was super worried that we would have problems conceiving considering I am a bit older maternity wise, which I guess is why I was so surprised it happened so quickly. I know I am so lucky though as my husband is super supportive and we certainly want to keep the baby. But you are totally right that it’s not like I can wait around to start a family so I sohuld be happy!
I would like to reply to everybody but I am at work! But truly thank you all so much and know that you really helped a girl out today!