(Closed) Am I the only one annoyed/fighting with my husband during pregnancy?

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@luvalways86:  Change your approach. Tell him how it makes you feel when he zones out on responsibilities after being out and/or sleeping all day. Snapping at him isn’t a message he’s going to be receptive of or respectful about, no matter how right you are. Hang in there.

Post # 4
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

In my first trimester the littlest thing could send me into a flying rage. By the second trimester things leveled out a bit. It happens. My husband learned when I said I needed space to leave.

Post # 7
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@luvalways86:  It is hard. Darling Husband and I always sit down and talk things out after tempers have cooled. Basically an I’m sorry now how do we fix it talk.

Post # 8
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@luvalways86:  I know, it takes some time getting used to, but if you go after him in attack mode, he won’t hear anything but an attack, and want to attack you back. “You hurt me, so I hurt you! See, I’ll call you a bitch! Ha ha! How do you like it?” That’s the mindset at play here. Try something like this: 

“Honey, ____ is playing in the toilet. I feel overwhelmed and frustrated when you spend so much time on leisure, and I’ve been doing __________ all day. It would make me feel better if you could watch him so I can ________ for a little while and unwind.” 

Post # 9
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Um, I am not even pregnant, and I would have ripped him a new one after that!

Post # 10
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Also, it might actually help for you to physically leave the house for a little while after you’ve told him you could benefit from his help. That way, he can’t “forget” to watch your son because you’re still in the house. That pretty much forces him to do something, and for you to relax. Even if you don’t leave the house, maybe hop in the bath for a while?

Post # 12
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

As the others mentioned, I would just be careful about direct insults like “you are lazy,” as they invite direct insults in response; “You are a bitch.” As angry as I ever get, I try not to ever name call. It keeps the coversation civilizated and the door open to more reasonable discussions.

That being said, you are SO not alone! I’m normally a very emotional person, and pregnancy has made me oohhhh 100x worse. I cry all the time over the littlest things (I’ve developed some serious depression since becoming pregnant) and my husband’s reaction is just to get angry with me for “acting like a child.” Then I get angry with him for getting angry with me instead of being supportive like I would expect a husband with a 27 week pregnant wife to do. It happens ALL THE TIME and I feel like it’s pointless to even talk to him about my feelings at all sometimes since he only knows one reaction, and that reaction makes me even more upset than I already was to start with.

Just try to take a deep breath and know that A.) pregnancy isn’t forever, and B.) you are not alone. If you can’t control yourself so well in the heat of the moment, maybe try sitting down with him and having a chat about it when neither of you are angry so it’s more calm and rational. Explain to him you spend 24 hours a day with your son, which is a full-time job, and everyone needs a break once in a while. If he doesn’t want to help you with DS you need to consider having a nanny come to the house one day a week or something to take the load off and give you a whole day to look forward to and spend quality time with Darling Husband.

 

Post # 13
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I have 4 weeks left in my pregnancy and if my husband called me a bitch he’d be sleeping in the yard. So clearly I’m not going to be much help in the rational advice department.

He needs to not be calling you a bitch in front of your child.

Post # 14
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

On a slightly different note, I’d really focus on finding a way to resolve the fighting/issues.  If counseling is it, great.  If counting to 10 or taking a time out before speaking is it, awesome.  But I can guarantee that if you spend the better part of the year at each other’s throats, it’s not going to be good for your relationship in the long haul.  When I was PG with DS, ex-DH constantly got on my last nerve, and by the end of the pregnancy, I didn’t want him to touch me at all.  The saying goes, it takes 21 days to build a habit… you’ve got plenty of time to create a habit of resenting him, and it will take conscious effort on your part to break that habit.  Ex-DH and I were divorced 1.5 yrs after DS was born, because I wasn’t able to get over that hurdle.  Each new thing just added on to the foundation of resent that built while I was PG and it snow balled.  If it’s already name calling/resentment, take the time and effort to work on your relationship pronto before one of you stops caring.

Post # 15
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I couldn’t imagine being pregnant with a little one already at home. I barely made it through the 1st trimester without biting my husband’s head off. I was so sick and so miserable that I just had no patience for anything. He was walking on pins and needles and instead of helping me, he thought he was helping by getting out of my way. I realized when I started explaining to Darling Husband about how I felt and that I had no control over it he started asking what he could do to help. I think some time guys just don’t understand (I never understood before I was pregnant) and since you usually take car of your son and he goes to work he doesn’t realize how much more help you needs.

Post # 16
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Calling you a bitch in front of your kid isn’t okay.  If you were being mean I can see how he would be frustrated but he needs a better way to express that.  If he’s truly working 7 days a week to support a growing family I imagine he’s under a lot of stress himself.

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