(Closed) Am I the only one who believes this?

posted 13 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 47
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I solved this problem for myself by being extremely flexible.  I realize this isn’t a solution for all brides, but it works for me because I don’t want to spend a lot of money off-setting the cost of my BMs participation, but I don’t want them to spend a lot…overall, I just don’t want anyone putting out more than they can comfortably afford.  The only way, in my opinion, for me to do that, has been to be really flexible with every one of my girls.  I let them all pick their own dresses, and no one spent over $80.  I told them it was entirely up to them if they wanted to get hair done with me, or do it themselves and meet me at the salon to head to our getting dressed location together.  I’m put no requests on shoes, accessories or anything else related to their attire.  When they asked me what I wanted at my shower for food and beverages, all I said was I’d like to be able to snack on things that aren’t messy, and have a glass of wine–leaving it entirely up to them to determine the price point they’re comfortable with.  I said the same for my bachelorette–all I cared about was getting gussied up together and have some form of girls night out.  I think if you have close friendships with the ladies in your wedding, and you communicate with them often, your expectations as a bride, and their financial capacity as a bridemaid doesn’t have to be a big challenge to manage.  When I hear of bridesmaids being asked to wear a $750 hand painted silk dress in a bride’s wedding, I have to kind of wonder if that type of request isn’t a reflection of a pattern of behaviour that bride already exhiibits as a person regardless of the wedding?

Post # 48
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I haven’t even picked out my own dress, let alone the bridesmaids dresses, so maybe its not for me to say yet, but if I had to choose between having my bridesmaids wear the dress of my dreams, or having my best friends stand next to me, I would absolutely choose my best friends!!!

That’s fine if you are going to give your maids the option to opt out, but I’m only asking 3 people, including my twin sister, and I would be soooo sad if one of them said they couldn’t afford to be in my wedding and wanted to back out. I know none of my girls has a ton of money right now, so I will definitely be doing everything I can to keep the cost down, especially the dresses. I’ve been in two of their weddings – my sister let me pick out any dress I wanted (got a great dress from Anthropologie that I’ve worn many times since!) and the other dress was $25 – no joke. So I am going to extend the same courtesy to them and keep a lid on the finances. Come on ladies, these are your BEST FRIENDS!

Post # 49
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Our wedding budget totals out at $5k, so I can’t afford to buy dresses for my six bridesmaids, but I spent six months scouring stores and the interwebs for dresses that everyone would like, that everyone would comfortably wear more than once to multiple styles of occasions, and that everyone could afford. I ended up going $18 above my initial budget (of $120 or less) but all the girls are really happy with the dress.

Since only one of them is local to the wedding, we’re also putting them all up in a bed and breakfast for two nights. 

We’ve done a similar thing with our groomsmen, not covering their costs but cutting their costs as much as possible and trying to be mindful of their tastes and budget as much as our own as we plan the wedding. We’re also covering an item here or there for groomsmen really short on money.

Post # 50
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’ve always had to buy my own stuff for being in someone’s wedding – but it’s never been over $150.

I’m paying for my BM’s hair styling. Their dresses are $140. Cocktail length, so they can wear again. Black shoes, which everyone already has.

Post # 51
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Harbison Chapel & The Maple Lane Farm

We don’t have the money to pay for our wedding party’s outfits, but we are doing our best to help where we can.  I gave the girls swatches for a color to shoot for as far as dresses go and said pick any dress you want, somewhere around this color red, this length.  That way they can spend what they are comfortable and pick something they will want to wear again.  I have a red dress that I wear out so I hope they feel like they can wear red again.  I’ve also done the same about the shoes.  My gift to them will be accessories, and luckily they are from the town where we are holding the wedding so no one needs a hotel.  The men on the other hand we are going to put up at a B&B to spare them that expense.  If we decide we have the money I’d like to pay to get thier hair done too, we’ll just have to see how things turn out.  I’m absolutely conscious of the money issue when it comes to the bridal party!

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