(Closed) Am I the only one who doesn't care about etiquette??

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t really care about etiquette (for eg. addressing cards to Mr & Mrs or Master whatever, hierarchical seating etc.) but I do care about couples being a good host (and guests being good guests). For me, making people travel/spend the whole day at a venue but not providing food for example, is rude. Likewise, a bride who says she can’t afford to provide dessert for her guests but chooses to buy a $5000 dress is also someone who cares more about herself than about the comfort of her guests. I don’t agree with that- I think though, at the end of the day, no one cares if they have a good time (it’s harder for guests to have a good time if they’re hungry/bored/ etc.).

 

Post # 33
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I resent a lot of etiquette standards of weddings.

I know perfectly lovely couples.   Couples that have good manners, are respectful people and just GOOD people – yet if they put a registry card in their invitations every says they are rude/tacky people.

I think that’s bullsh*t.   Sometimes people just need to stop and think critically for a second and really think if the couple is coming from a bad place about certain things…because a lot of the time….they are not.   Everyone is so quick to get offended and judge others because a stupid etiquette book thinks that gives them the right.

I’d rather be the bride that gives out a registry card than a bitchy, judgemental brat that thinks she’s on a high horse because she heard about some etiquette rules.

Post # 34
Member
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I hate outdated and irrelivant etiquette.

But I do think that as a host your primary concern is your guests comfort and you shouldnt do anything that will jepordise that.

Just because something is ‘the norm’ dosent mean you have to do it though. Just dont do it if it will offend half your guests….or if you determined, just choose guests that will NOT be offended.

Post # 35
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@hummingbirdkrista:  are you really trying to say you don’t care about being polite and gracious? That, I don’t get.  A lot of people confuse traditions with etiquette. For example, its not rude to have a backyard barbecue instead of a plated dinner in a rented hall but it is rude to ask your guests to pay to attend either.

if you truly don’t care about etiquette and being good to people you invite, you should probably just elope.

Post # 36
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@skippydarling I wouldn’t judge someone as being an overall rude person for including registry cards in their invitations but I would still recognize that act as rude and inappropriate because it is. 

Post # 37
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Its really weird how some of the things that are considered rude in the US are completely normal in the UK.

I have never had an invite without registry information in it (how else are you meant to know where they’re resistered?)

Honeymoon funds are common

Only the very wealthy have an open bar, a couple of glasses of bubbly and 1/2 bottle of wine with dinner is normal then a cash bar.

I figure as long as there is food, drink, cover and music, you’re all good.

Post # 38
Member
3279 posts
Sugar bee

As always these type of threads (which come up biweekly) always indicate that people who are anti-etiquette actually just don’t know what the “rules” are.

Just from this thread;

-goofy invites, not impolite just not traditional

-not inviting people you aren’t close with.  This is actually more polite then just blanket inviting as it shows you aren’t just in it for gifts, but for relationships.

-not inviting all kids, you don’t have to.  Level of closeness is as good as arbitrary family blood line

-not in a church, tradition, not about politeness.  It would be impolite to pretend to be religious if you aren’t.

-registry info with shower invites.  You aren’t hosting, so not impolite as you aren’t soliciting gifts for yourself.

-no cocktail hour-not required as long as your guests are otherwise fed and watered.

-Buffet dinner, plated dinner is not required.

I just wish people would actually figure out what something is before they declare it bullshit. 

There are certain principles that will always be polite.  As long as you properly host every guest with the same level of service, make sure there is seating for everyone, properly feed and water your guests according to the time of day of your event, and don’t charge guests for any portion of your hospitality, and don’t demand gifts you are good to go.

Post # 39
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Zhabeego:  

“But I would still recognize that act as rude and inappropriate because it is.”

You’re talking in terms of an absolute?   I have to disagree –   It’s a matter of opinion.

Post # 40
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@hummingbirdkrista:  TOTALLY AGREE!!!

I’m not going to go out of my way to try to please everyone. Ppl say having a honeymoon registry is rude – i had one and my guests loved it…

Gotta send out thank you cards immediately. I was waiting on my wedding pictures. Its been 2 months and they’ll go out in a few days. rude? I don’t care!

no transportation for my guests is rude? i don’t care!

making my guests drive over an hour is rude? i don’t care.

They got a meal, and they got drinks (i’m sorry if you were offended by no hard alcohol, cus quite frankly, i don’t care!)

Sure theres basic politeness rules like not charging your guests to attend but other then that- “etiquette” these days has turned into people pleasing and i’m not in that business.

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