(Closed) Am I the only one who doesn’t want to marry a Dr.?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@elizabeth2004: I can kinda see why it’d be strange, but even if my Darling Husband were a Dr, he’s also still a Mr. So call him whatever you want. ๐Ÿ™‚

TBH, I wasn’t sure what this post was going to entail when I read the title, lol. I’m glad it’s nothing super serious though. 

Post # 32
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

SO and I will both be “Dr.” by the time we get married.  I think it will be cute to be introduced as Dr. and Dr. mariwithani hehe ๐Ÿ™‚

I think that your SO has worked his tail off for his PhD and he deserves to be recognized as the title he earned.  You should be proud to be Dr. and Mrs.!  If he doesn’t mind and it means that much to you though, then it will be perfectly acceptable to introduce yourselves as Mr. and Mrs. for the day. 

Post # 33
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@ChemistryBride: It does tick me off, why do people think only medical doctors are real doctors? Or that it is only okay for a medical doctor to use their title? We put in a LOT of work for these degrees, so don’t bash it!

I worked very hard for my esquire and masters, but that also isn’t used in social settings, so PhD’s aren’t the only ones.  (I’m actually startled when I get calls from court to “Counselor Kay01.”  It’s just how it is.  Ask Aspasia if you want the rundown on the why – she always has great explanation on the etiquette board!

Post # 34
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

This is just silly.

Post # 36
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@kay01: Oh I agree 100%, and I’m not saying I want to be referred to such in social settings, it’s more the underlying “You’re not a real doctor” mentality, and the implication that it’s wrong to use the title unless you are a physician. Do I think anyone (doctor of philosohpy OR medicine) looks pompous if they insist on using the title in social situations? Heck yes. But the idea that a PhD’s (or esquire, etc) title is any less appropriate or pompous for social situations than a medical doctor is what gets me.

And I do know that PhD’s are not the only ones, just replying to what I saw the most mentions of on this thread.

Here’s a funny link, that while obviously a satire, I think it hits on some points of what people assume about non-medical graduate degrees: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/03/04/81-graduate-school/

Post # 37
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think Dr only extends professionally, it is still Mr or Mrs any other time

Post # 38
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@ChemistryBride: ๐Ÿ™‚  I almost posted earlier a Reader’s Digest snipet I read once, but I didn’t because I wasn’t sure if people would remember to take it with a grain of salt as humor, but since you’ve opened the door…  Mother is bragging about her two sons to an acquaintance and says about one “He’s a doctor – but not the kind that helps people.”  Every so often I tell my Fiance that – but I would never say that about anyone for real!  I can say it to Fiance because he was there when I read the snipet and knows what I’m talking about…and because what he does very much does help people.  (He runs a cancer journal.)  What we really need are different titles beyond “Dr” for two very different things.

Post # 39
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Maybe just be happy about the fact that you are dating someone who will be finishing their PhD around the time of the wedding, and yet life with them is so calm and stress-free that this is your biggest problem? :0

I say this as someone who is currently emeshed in a horrendously stressful PhD program where most of the graduate students are miserable and/or on medication to make it through, and all of our poor spouses are suffering along with us. 

Post # 40
Member
5543 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

I agree, socially most people won’t use his title anyway, pretty much only medical doctors get their title used socially. Be Mr. and Mrs. all you want, especially if he doesn’t care about the title. Tangent but related story. My grandpa has a doctorate in math, and was an educator so was called “Dr. Grandpa”. Well, he went overseas to work as a missionary in Liberia, like way out in the bush, and when somoene introduced him as “Dr. Grandpa” once, he was plagued for the next 7 years by villagers coming to him with their ailments because they thought if one was “Dr.” you must be a medical one.

Post # 41
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have never heard of someone being called a Dr. because they have a PhD. 

Post # 43
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You can write whatever you want. I’m with a Ph.D too, but we think it would be wierd or braggy to write it for a wedding. He’s not trying to get a job, he’s getting married:)

Post # 44
Member
4998 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

People with a PhD are often called doctor, but not in social settings (I wouldn’t call someone with an MD doctor in a social setting either). I have a PhD and some vendors wanted to use it in liue of “Mr and Mrs” and I refused. Even if I had an MD I wouldn’t do it. So I don’t think you should worry about your FI’s title at the wedding, let him finish his PhD when he can and wants to.

Post # 45
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’ll just add to the chorus of others who have said this – my FH has his PhD in biology (genetics), and only goes by Dr. in a professional setting.  I would just go with Mr. & Mrs. for your wedding.  

The only time my FH has uses Dr. in front of his name outside of academia is when he’s making dinner reservations at a nice restaurant ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 46
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

Maybe it comes from living and working in a University city for the last 7 years, or if things are different in the USA (which would be sad), but all the Academic Doctors I know use the title Doctor – and well they should! They’ve worked very hard to earn those titles, and they deserve the respect that comes with it. It always used to bug me in episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S when they made fun of Ross for not being a ‘proper’ Doctor. Actually, in the UK (possibly in the states, I don’t know), medical doctors are only given the title ‘Doctor’ as an honorary title – they don’t hold PhDs, but it’s given in recognition of the length of their study. A lot of medical doctors can then go on to attain their doctorates, but in the UK they are called a Dr with a qualification that is a Bachelors of Medicine and Bachelors of Surgery. So, if it were the UK, on a technicality, Ross actually WOULD be the ‘proper’ Doctor, because he has his doctorate.

 

My FH is due to finish his PhD next year – we’re actually hoping he finishes earlier, so we can put ‘Dr’ on the invitations. I’m so proud of him and everything he’s worked for, I can’t wait for him to be a Dr!

 

It’s very good of your Fiance to agree to wait to submit so you can have your ‘Mr and Mrs’ moment, but won’t that end up costing you extra money in student fees? Will it affect his applying for jobs? I know Academia is very competitive, so an early start is always a bonus. Equally, does it not hurt his feelings a little you asking this? To an outsider it seems like you’re a bit ashamed of his chosen profession, and the work he’s put into his research – this may not be the case, but it’s sort of how it reads!

The topic ‘Am I the only one who doesn’t want to marry a Dr.?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors