Post # 1
Hi bees! Little thing that’s been on my mind and curious to hear from others…
It takes me FOREVER to get over breakups and heartbreak. My first relationship lasted from age 14-21, and took me a good 3 years to get over the sadness and heartbreak of it (he cheated). After being single for those 3 years and waiting until I was ready, I met someone who I was then with for four years. It seemed like the real deal, talking marriage and I was head over heels with him, until he left me almost a year ago, after cheating on me and leaving to be with her.
I find myself still thinking about him all the time, ruminating, going back and forth between anger and sadness. I’m frustrated that it always takes me so long to get over this stuff. I have friends who are able to move on within months of a breakup, and I find myself dealing with the fallout for what feels like forever. I’ve been through therapy as it really helped to talk through the pain surrounding the betrayal itself. But I find my mind plays on a loop of the relationship and the breakup and the lies, very similar to what my mind did after the first breakup I went through.
Am I the only one who’s like this? Am I missing some fundamental trick of moving on and getting over heartbreak? I feel like I’m stuck. 🙁
Post # 2
As crazy as it sounds, nothing helps heal a broken heart faster than a new love…not saying to go out, meet and fall in love with the first guy you meet, but put yourself out there to date! Put a smile on your face, try to keep and open mind and you never know! Don’t expect the first guy to be your next love (don’t expect ANY of them to be your next love), but eventually, it will happen!
Post # 3
I can sort of relate. I got out of a 4 and a half year relationship recently. The exact dates are muddy cus we still continued to have “relations” after we said we were broken up (bad idea). We were together from 17-22 and we decided to stop having sexual contact mid January (we broke up approximately late November) and he told me about his new girl on his birthday Jan 27. I was absolutely crushed and honestly felt like he cheated on me because he never told me about her and I know he was talking to her at the end of our relationship.
The first few months sucked. Everything reminded me of him. i have so many photos on my phone and things he bought me, hell even me seeing him post a pic in clothes I bought him would make me sad. One thing I did that helped was unfollow him on social media so I don’t get tempted to stalk his page or try to see what he is doing. I also think taking a step back and reflecting on our relationship I was able to see some things i did wrong and stop placing so much blame on him. once I was able to get over the anger, I felt a lot better. I’d say right now im 98% over him. i’m one of those people who is big on getting closure so him and I had a conversation perhaps around 2 months ago and we aired everything out he told me he was in love with this girl and surprisingly hearing him say that was all I needed. its like a light switch went off and I was over it. he sounded genuinely happy and despite all the hurt he caused me deep down i loved him more than anything so all i could ever want for him is happiness. u have to be at peace with yourself IOT want happiness for someone who hurt you.
I still have moments where I miss him, moreso the friendship bcus we were bestfriends before ever getting into a relationship but I just try to throw myself into other things..mostly work and graduate school. Most of my friends live out of state but if you have some near u go out for a girls night and flirt your ass off !! the first time I got attention from another man post breakup and really allowed myself to enjoy it and not think “oh wait i cant flirt back i have a boyfriend” im telling you i felt like a brand new woman.
I’m like you tho in that my friends have broken up with guys they were with for YEARS and literally two weeks later out dating and seemed completely fine. everyone is different. stop comparing yourself to them… there is no magic trick to getting over someone.. it kinda just happens. one day I woke up and he wasnt the first thing I thought about. one day that will happen to u. the trick is to just keep living. that was longer than I wanted but hope it helped in some way.
Post # 4
Married for seven years. Widowed for 15. It took a solid ten years before I thought I could be in another relationship.
Post # 5
Me too. Except the last breakup. I ended up goinig on a date with my husband about 6 weeks later. But the relationship before had been kind of on and off, & I had known it was over long before I finally broke up with him. I kind of thought my now hubby was probably my rebound and didn’t put any pressure on our relationship and it ended up being the one!
I do remember, my first bad heartbreak, I’d read some silly article that said to give yourself a day for every week you were together or a week for every month you’d been together to heal and get over your broken heart. I kept that in mind for a few relationships. Like, I let myself be heartbroken for 8 weeks when I broke up with a guy after 8 months together. It let me have that time, but also a sort of deadline for when I needed to start moving forward. So in my case, it was just a mental “trick” but it helped.
You were with this man for years and he left you for someone else. That’s a real, horrific heartbreak. If it takes you more than a year, that’s really okay! But I agree with a PP, that you may want to start getting out there and just have some fun dating, too, to move on. Or maybe set yourself a timeline of when you will stop mourning and move on. (Like 6 more weeks or 3 months…something.) Sometimes our head has to be involved to get our heart going again, too.
Post # 6
It takes me a while to get over things also. I broke up with my SO of five years and I have been going through a rollercoaster of emotions. It’s only been two weeks and I don’t know when I’m going to feel good again but I do like the idea of giving yourself some time to grieve. Ill probably give myself one month for every year we were together. So by the end of the year I hope to be in a better place. I do need to cut him off completely though that will help because I was doing fine until I let him stop by and now I’m a wreck all over again. Luckily I have a GREAT friend who kept me company all day today on the holiday so I would not stew in my misery. Take it one day at a time, good luck!
Post # 7
I ended things with my husband in January this year, so it’s been six months, and I’m still not over it. The whole thing kind of traumatized me (we got married last September and one day he just told me he doesn’t want to be married) and I still think of him every day, wondering what he’s doing and if he thinks of me. In the last couple of weeks I got to the point though that I want to try to go on some dates to see if I’m ready for someone new.
I recommend you to do the same thing- Try to go on dates, have fun, take your mind off things. Don’t stalk him on social media and cut every contact. I know how hard it is to lose someone you thought was the love of your life. But eventually you will feel better, trust me.
Post # 8
Thank you all for your replies. It makes me feel a little better that I’m not the only one. I just wish I could stop replaying every little detail of the relationship and the breakup in my mind. I feel like I have no conrol over my own mind and that’s hard. I’m so mad at him for hurting me so badly and so mad at myself for letting him, and even all this time later, I can’t stop thinking about it. Part of me wants to try dating (not too seriously) just to get myself out there but I’m scared that I a) will never meet anybody or b) will get hurt all over again by somebody else.
Agre with you on the social media thing. I do great on avoiding it for a while but now and then when the stupid urge strike I see what they’re up to. Just makes it worse. Feels like I am watching them live the life we had planned together and that’s so hard, so I have to find a way to stop the stupid curiosity.
Thank you all again.
Post # 9
I got broken up with after 6 years with my ex. It was really bad for a couple of months, but honestly, the thing that got me over it more than any therapy was getting with another guy. It wasn’t a serious relationship, but it showed me that I was desirable and that I could find other men desirable too. I could spend my time thinking about the new guy rather than wallowing about my ex. I broke up with that guy (no sadness there, it was never serious, it had run its course) and met my now-husband a couple weeks later.
I do think that there are some scars from my ex that I will carry forever, but it’s not about missing him or not being over him. That’s just part of learning and growing up, our experiences make us who we are.
Post # 10
Girl I was with my psycho cheating ex for 2 years and it took me FIVE YEARS to move on fully. And no, dating around or hooking up did NOT help! It was only after I became ok with myself and learned who I really was WITHOUT someone else that I was able to find new love!
Post # 11
Out of interest, how have things been going for you? Have you met anyone? Feel a lot better and moved on?