Post # 77
@KC-2722: I thought about not registering but I got requests to register. I haven’t done yet. But, last time, my friend who live abroad asked me where I registered and I told her I didn’t and not sure if I will and she asked me to do so. I told her that especially since she’s coming from abroad, your presence will be a gift that is too much more than enough. But she told me that she still wants to give us a gift, and she wants that’s something we like. So she really want us to register somewhere and let her know. I think I will register and only tell people who asks.
One wedding I remember who didn’t register – they wrote in their invitation basically declining any gift in nice words and they wrote if guests really want to give something, donation for charities would be the best gift. But unless you do this, I think not having a registry will only let your guests bring cash.
And I think cash gift is less personal because there’s nothing that will make you remember the guest.
Post # 78
@Mee: Spreading the word with my mouth will do just fine. I’m certain I will end up with no gifts, as I’ve requested.. and if I do get gifts, I will graciously accept them. Full stop.
@megz06: No it doesn’t mean I will get cash, my wedding is a 60 person affair and more than half of these guests already know that we do not want gifts in any shape or form (this includes cash).
@letigre: To me there’s nothing more valuable then someone’s time, I’d much rather they give that to me! I also agree that if someone goes out of their way to give you a gift, you accept it graciously. It’s not your place to dictate what people give you, be thankful.
Post # 79
@KC-2722: I know it doesn’t mean you will get cash. That is not what I said. I said usually when you don’t have a registry people with either understand that as no gifts or cash.
If you are sure no one will get you gifts for your wedding then what is the problem? Why come on a Wedding website where more than 90% of woman have a registry and tell these ladies that it is “tacky ?” Your post is pointless other than to stir up trouble.
Post # 80
@sara_tiara: Of course you didn’t get married for a blender, and your ideas about gifts are perfectly reasonable!
I love registries for a number of a reasons. I love giving gifts, but I’m not always the most clever or creative gift giver, so having a guide is super helpful. Because I love giving gifts that people really want and need. I’d love to replace someones broken blender. For a friend I care about, I want to help make their lives better during a time of celebration, not give them something they’ll feel obligated to keep. A registry helps me do that!
I also love registries because I get to get a glipmse of the couple’s tastes, and of the life they’re building. I had a friend do a honeyfund for a trip backpacking around Europe, and people at the shower were so excited to get them things like a night in a castle, or a dinner at an English pub. I loved seeing where they planned to go and being able to contribute to their adventure. I love seeing where the couple is headed, either on trips, or what they’re home is going to look like, what kind of meals they want to cook, what hobbies they’re continuing or cultivating.
Post # 81
For my first wedding, having two registries were very helpful. Yes, I did get 3 blenders, but I also got a lot of things I needed – some I still have 14 years later.
This time around I was thinking of scrapping having a registry but I don’t want to receive a lot of things I don’t need. I think a registry would help prevent that – hopefully. I would perfer no gifts since our home is going to be very small with very little space but I can’t stop those who want to give something.
Post # 82
i totally agree with you. i will not have a registry. i hate having a list and basically saying “here, pick something and buy it for me”
Post # 83
This is such an issue that I walk the fence on…
On one hand, I agree with you. My instinct regarding registeries is that they are rude but painted not to be so as a commerialized, wedding industry “norm.” And like @MsGuinness: the concept of making a list of things I want people to buy for us just because we are getting married is very uncomfortable. It just seems grabby; we aren’t getting married because we want gifts nor do we feel entitled to them (whether monetary or tangible). And a gift is just that, a gift. And gifts, by their very nature, shouldn’t be pre-selected and directed by the receiver.
On the other hand, people are starting to ask what to get us. We are using the polite, “we are just so happy that you can make it! Anything you want to give us we would love.” <— and we do sincerely mean that. But I keep thinking about how great it would be to get a few sets of nice sheets and nice dishes that we actually like… which we have always put off buying for ourselves because extra money gets used for other “more important things.” And those who say that registeries are a convenience to guests do have a point (not going to lie, I have appreciated a registry before despite my own feelings about them!).
So while my heart follows the no-registry logic, it also is not such a huge offense to me that I side-eye it. It’s like a personal standard… like the way you judge yourself harder than you judge other people.
Fiance and I have lived together for the past four years, so needless to say we have our basic living gadgets covered. Also we are having a very small wedding of only 25 guests. And obviously I am not having a shower. Given all of these circumstances, coupled with my personal views, we were dead-set against registering, but now that we are only 3 months out we might revisit the issue again. I know that if people give us cash (which is not an expectation), we would certainly not go on a BB&B or Target shopping spree to buy these things for ourselves; it would go straight to house savings.
I do dislike the concept of directing people to specifically not give anything or “if you must give, give to XYZ charity instead.” To me, it’s just as rude to decline/refuse/redirect a gift as it is to ASK for them. At least when I give a gift (whether cash or a tangible present), it’s because I want the person/couple to have it… not act like they are too morally superior for gifts and give it away to charity. If you want to give to charity, do it on your own and don’t involve other people in it. And frankly, “please give to XYZ charity” is no different than any other registry in the first place.