(Closed) Am I the only one who thinks this is rude?

posted 6 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 3
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t really care. I just view it as an act of community/fellowship, so I usually just oblige even if I don’t believe. 

ETA: I think it’s rude if someone has asked the person not to do so, and then insist on doing it anyway.

Post # 4
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I don’t think it’s rude if you were in their home, that is their custom.  If they came to your home and made you say grace that would be odd though.  But I probably wouldn’t feel strongly about it either way. 

Post # 5
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Doesn’t bother me. SO and I are not religious but we say grace when we have dinner at my mom’s house. It’s important to her, and it’s her house her rules!

Post # 7
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

To a certain extent I agree with you, OP. It can feel uncomfortable or at least disconcerting to be in the presence of extreme religious practice, especially when it’s publicly known that the majority of people around don’t share or participate in that faith. It sounds like she’s almost rubbing it in your face, and if that’s true, she’s being both rude and vindictive. If she insists on throwing in that J guy to the point that it’s over-the-top — and possibly directed AT you, as a non-Christian — you’re well within your rights to be upset. It’s not like you follow up here prayer with one in Hebrew, then expect her to join in, right? (Just an example).

However, it is nearly impossibly to avoid situations where you feel uncomfortable due to religious practice. I’ve sat through countless graces/dinner prayers, and I simply do not bow my head or say “amen” at the end. People rarely notice, and if they do, they are polite enough not to comment. Social rules dictate that you don’t *disrupt* a speech or communal prayer, but you certainly don’t have to participate.

If this woman said a more universal grace, perhaps a “we give our thanks to the provider of this meal, and are grateful to be together with family and friends” sort of thing, would you feel uncomfortable? Perhaps offer to say this yourself at the next meal, and see how it goes?

Post # 8
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@AlmostMrsWest:  People cling to customs. If she wants to bless her plate, let her. Just go ahead and snack on your dinner until she’s done. No fuss, no muss. You don’t have to participate, and she doesn’t have to give up her dinner ritual either. I get where you’re coming from though, no one likes religion crammed down their throat.

Post # 9
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@AlmostMrsWest:  Nobody should be forcing you to pray if you don’t want to, but simply being in the presence of others praying for whatever reason doesn’t make me uncomfortable personally.

Post # 10
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I feel ilke it’s rude to assume you know the religious beliefs of a person and/or to force those on you.  It sounds here though like she’s just doing her normal thing whether you are there or not.  It is a little strange at your Fiance house but not that big of a deal.  I don’t pray but Fiance family does before holiday dinners and such and I just kind of put my head down. 

ETA – only he’s not my Fiance, we had this whole wedding thing last weekend.  Old habits!

Post # 12
Member
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you are in their home, and it’s their tradition, then you should politely bow your head and listen to their blessing.  Part of showing you love your Fiance is loving his family, and that means accepting them for who they are, whether they pray before meals or not.

Post # 13
Member
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

I’m not Christian but both mine and my FH’s families are. My parent’s like to pray before they eat. It used to bother me, but you have to realize that it’s about their faith and not about you. Do you think she’s doing it to exclude you on purpose? Just keep your head neutral and eyes open. Anything else would be disrespectful of the religion, but you’re making your stand that you won’t pretend to follow their religion. It would be rude to say anything. You wouldn’t go to a Christian church and take communion, so you shouldn’t bow your head for prayer if you don’t follow that religion. But I also wouldn’t disrupt their prayer time or make a scene. The less energy you put into this the less it will bother you over time. I promise.

Post # 14
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

people praying before their meal makes me feel awkward but ultimately its about tolerance.   its someones faith, whether they be christian, muslim jedi or whatever.  as long as its short and sweet then im ok with it – them praying is about them not you

Post # 16
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My mom is the same way. She wants to pray before every meal, even when we go out to eat at restaurants! Luckily she doesn’t expect prayer at restaurants anymore because we all objected. It feels weird. I agree it migth make things a little more awkward if you told her you don’t want her to pray before a meal if it’s not her home. I definitely feel for you because I’m not religious but I’m used to praying before a meal at my parents home because it’s been happening since I can remember. Hopefully with time it won’t be as awkward. 

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