(Closed) Am I the only one?(vent)

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think some guys just aren’t romantic. My fiance is definitely sweet, but I wouldn’t necessarily say romantic. Our proposal story was sweet/romantic… but he’s not the type to do anything super romantic. I used to get bummed about it, but I’d rather have him be himself… he’s nice, sweet, SO funny, and my best friend. He does a lot for me, just not so much of the mushy gushy stuff.

Post # 4
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think at times we have unrealistic expectations of our partners. In the beginning I would compare my SO to the movies, television shows, friends relationships etc. Each man shows his love in many different ways. It took me a while to realize my SO loves me, he just shows it differently. He is definetly not romantic, although at times he goes through phases. I am not a romantic or gushy person…… I actually tell him not to buy my flowers (I see them as a waste of money IMO)

At the end of the day I think it’s all about the small little gestures he does ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 5
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t think my Fiance has a true romantic bone in his body..every once in a while he gets a splinter of one and I might get flowers (this has only happened 3x in 10 yrs). I pretty much knew about my proposal as well, since I picked out the ring and told him when and where to get it. He also unknowingly “ruined” the proposal by putting a big ring box in his pocket and I could totally see the outline of the box when he was sitting. He did try a little by taking us to our secret sea glass spot, but bless his litle hear…lol I know how you feel about the envious/sad part. I have a BFF whose SO makes me sick bc he is always doing cutsie litle romantic things for her like surprise trips, spa treatments just cuz, flowers, ect. and of course as her BFF who does she gush to…me…blah! But in the end I love my Fiance for who he is and being romantic is just not who he is.

Post # 6
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Romance? What’s that?

Very first thread I ever started on the Bee:

Anyone NOT particulary romantic?

I literally tell my husband “It’s my birthday tomorrow, flowers would be nice.”

Post # 7
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Romance is great but sometimes you gotta really spoon feed a guy.

Post # 10
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Koolbeans621: I think sometimes when you hit the comfort level with someone (and even more so when you have kids), it never hurts to say “Hey I know we’re parents and all, but we’re still in love, let’s make the effort to act like it.”

Sometimes I will do something to initiate, like plan a date night or spontaneous snuggling instead of turning on the tv. And I’ll say “Isn’t this nice? I’d love for you to plan something like this sometimes…” and then that will up the momentum.

Post # 11
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My husband is not usually romantic at all. I have to tell him exactly what I want, i.e.  “get me a sappy Christmas card that will make me cry”.  If I give him those kind of instructions, he follows them.  haha  However, he is always checking the oil in my car and making sure my tires are properly inflated. Some men just show romance in different ways!

Post # 12
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Haha they have to be refined into being good romantics or perhaps be of a special origin ( my family calls my husband the latin lover ha!). Most guys start off romantic to hook you in, then taper off into farting couch potatoes.

 

Post # 13
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2001

Sometimes I think men need to be told very specifically what you want/need.  I didn’t have the romantic proposal either, we were in a similar situation as you.  I found out I was preggo 2 mos after we met!  Amazingly, we had already talked about marriage, and we just went one night and ordered the rings.  My Darling Husband is pretty good about showing me how much he cares though.  Sometimes it is something small, like him making dinner or just a hug and a kiss when things are hectic.  Although I still like flowers, sometimes little things mean more.  Congrats on your new little one!

Post # 14
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 OP, I also am the type of person who randomly does sweet things for my SO on a regular basis. I am always buying him his favorite candy, giving him backrubs, planning fun dates and cooking him his favorite dinners. I am a naturally thoughtful person. This is not to say I’m “better” than him, but that my thoughtfulness is a natural quality. It takes no effort for me to act that way. My SO on the other hand is not naturally thoughtful. It’s just not him. If you’d like more of the “traditional” romance, you might have to listen to the advice of other posters and ask for it. I literally have to say, “Honey, since tomorrow is our anniversary, it would make me really happy to have a card and some flowers!” I also suggest you ask him what he does that he thinks is romantic. You might be surprised at how much he does! My SO de-ices my car every single morning in the winter. It might not seem romantic, but that’s the way he shows his love for me ๐Ÿ™‚ 

 

Post # 15
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Guys honestly are just clueless.  My husband proposed to me on the beach in Hawaii, bottle of wine with the waves crashing in the background–yes, it was amazing.  But that’s about the only really romantic thing he’s ever done (and I am pretty sure he had help from my girlfriend! :)) Just this passed week I was feeling really shitty about the same thing.  We live together…and things do change.  Once you get used to someone being around on a day to day basis and know that they are not going anywhere, the need to impress them disappears.  I decided to stop feeling bad for myself and just appreciate that I have a GREAT man who loves me (even if he does not say it every day.) Us girls crave attention and constant reassurance that we are loved, but sadly, guys just don’t get it.  I actually mentioned to him how I was feeling and I can tell he has made more of an effort to really show me how much he does care.  Movies give us such unrealistic expectations!! ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s the little things that count in life.  Roses don’t always say “I love you.” I try and remember that any guy could bring me a bouquet of roses.  Not every guy could live with me and still love me at the end of every day ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 16
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

Some men are…MEN.  They lack the romance gene.  Its a horrible mutation. 

Mine isn’t either.  Flowers are rare and usually i have to ask for them.  I had to beg for my first piece of jewellery after 3 years.  They just…dont get it.  So sometimes tough love has to teach them.  I’ve been very vocal with my SO.  I’ve told him how horrible he is with romance and he better smarten up. 

But if your happy…then it shouldnt matter really.  But that doesnt mean you cant drop hints to get him to shape up a bit in the romance departmetn. 

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