Am i the only person over wedding planning?

posted 3 months ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I have been together with my SO for 20 years, and we got engaged 15 years ago….and we are still not married.  Why??? Because I was “over it” before it ever got started.

We have both been married before.  His kids were in their late teens and I had a 10 year old daughter when we got engaged.

We wanted to get married at our house.  We live in the country on 30 acres.

Our guest list consisted of 160 people.  That’s as far as we got.

We were told we couldnt get married at our house, that I couldn’t do the food myself, that I had to do it this way or that way.  Everybody had an opinion, and everyone had their judgements.

Well, one night, a commercial came on about the 50th anniversary of Disneyland.  I turned to my fiance and I said, “Do you want to spend our money and go to Disneyland, or do you want to get married?”

Without missing a beat he said, “I’d rather go to Disneyland.”  DONE!!!!

My 10 year old had never been to Disneyland…neither had I, so I planned a surprise trip to Disneyland for my daughter and it was fantastic.  We had a blast.  We now go to Disneyland every couple of years.

That was back in 2005, and to this day, if someone asks why we arent married yet, we tell them because we would rather go to Disneyland. 

My daughter is now 24, and she is getting married in June.  She asked me to be her wedding planning/coordinator.  I told her that I would love to do that, but if along the way she got stressed out or overwhelmed by it all, we were taking the money and the 4 of us were going to Disneyland.

So far, so good, no stress to speak of so far.  She has been adamant from the start that they will have the wedding that THEY want, and not the wedding that anyone else says they should have, and she has stuck to that. 

Post # 18
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

We’re getting married in three days/ this Saturday and I want it to be over as well. Never wanted to go that big and I don’t really like my wedding dress, both of us don’t like to be the center of attention and it feels like it’s really just for the guests and not for us two.

And they didn’t deliver some alcohol on time, so that today I still had to go to a shop and buy it. Tomorrow I have to give it to the caterer. And they made a mistake with length with alterations (they gave it to me last friday) and on saturday when I tried it on again, I saw it. So I had to bring it to them first thing in the morning Monday. And just now they contacted me to say that I can go and get it. I feel like everything is a chaos. And as I’m suffering from anxiety the excitement feels really just like anxiety.

And besides, I had to give our documents to the judge still (she will marry us at the place on saturday), but she cancelled, so I can only go and see her tomorrow. Tomorrow my family is going to fly in and I have to look after them as well. So, I don’t know to whom it ocurred to say you should enjoy this time, but for me it’s just the opposite. The only fun thing was the menu trial and my make-up and hair trial.

Post # 19
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

You are NOT alone! I planned most of my wedding in 2 months of our 7 month engagements. Then I was just working on little projects. By 2 months out I was OVER IT. I bailed on so many little projects because I just didn’t care anymore and guess what? I’m still married and no one noticed!

my advice would be to focus on what matters. What will people notice? What will affect guest experience? Your experience? Wedding party? If it doesn’t affect direct guest experience or bring you joy…. drop it!

i wasn’t generally stressed planning, and I still got fed up. I don’t know how obsessive brides do it. I am very Type A, but I just wasn’t as concerned about anything wedding related as I was about planning our life and having a good time. 

All that said…. I had a full blown heart racing panic attack 3 days before the wedding in the middle of the night… out of nowhere. I survived, our wedding was fantastic and it was all a success!!

 

breath….. you’re almost there!

Post # 20
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I still have 4 months to go, and I’m totally over it too. The funny thing is, I couldn’t wait to get engaged because I thought it would be so much fun to finally get to be obsessive about wedding stuff. Well, the fun parts were fun (picking out a dress, finding a venue) but the rest of the details I’m finding are super boring. I also hate having to negotiate and coordinate with all the vendors.

We’ve started our house hunt early just to have a distraction and that is so much more entertaining. 

Post # 21
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I hate to admit it but I’m feeling a bit the same. Less than two months and the joy of planning is dwindling. Even at my last dress fitting. 

Post # 22
Member
710 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Samantha14 :  You’re definitely not the only one who feels this way! I’m doing a small wedding (original guest list under 50 but now close to 60) and I was still super stressed out until most of the big stuff was taken care of. Also, new stuff and people kept getting added all the time! I’m literally the only one doing everything and I also get a lot of unwanted inputs from guests and colleagues. When I was younger, I was really into weddings but as I grew older, I wasn’t as interested anymore. 

I’m 7 months out now and it’s a lot better now that I’ve booked all my vendors and done the big stuff. As  previous poster mentioned, I made a master list of things to do that helped bring my stress levels down too. In the initial stages, there were many times when I was disinterested or wished we just didn’t have to do it or it was over already. I also stressed a lot about money even though I do have the money, I just preferred spending it on other things. But I’ve finally given in an started to enjoy the process now and try not to think too much about the money since it makes my fiancé happy. In general, I enjoy the planning process because I’m a planner. I just don’t like all the attention being on me because I’m kinda introverted.

Neither of us wanted a wedding since we were already living together and we just wanted to legally change the status but our parents really wanted one. 

Post # 23
Member
710 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

lucyinsky :  We house hunted too in between and it was a really good distraction! We also ended up closing on a house and that makes us happy whenever other things are getting us down. 

Post # 24
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

Over it, as well! I’m about 3 weeks out from my wedding and if I could just fast forward to the Thursday before (rehearsal dinner) and start from there, that would be A-Okay with me. All of the little last minute stuff is annoying me to no end! 

Post # 25
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: By the lake

mollysmom :    I like your thinking!  You guys made a “magical” moment that will never be forgotten.  You guys could have just said your “I dos” on your own in front of the castle even if there is no officiant.   It may have not been an official wedding, but it’s nice to be in the middle of the magic and say those magical words.  🙂  This will be our second marriage as well and we got engaged in2017 and we are in no hurry.  Our wedding will be next year.  Nothing is planned yet.  We will just have a small intimate wedding or maybe we will just elope with my children and just have a wedding dinner, not a reception, but a dinner.  It is kind of different when it is your second.  We make it simple, easy and painless!  

Post # 26
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

Yep. I’ve been engaged for 6 weeks or so, and am over the planning. 

We decided to take the pressure off, and let it be “imperfect,” have it at a friend’s house who has done weddings there before and is surprisingly excited to do that for us, bring our friend who is a caterer, and basically focus on great food, wonderful music (musician friends are in, too, hurrah!) and a fantastic & truly lovely time for all. 

Even writing that has me feel so happy – 

we get to pay our friends & community, so we’re helping people out a little, not just putting the money into a crazy “wedding machine” (which is what all-inclusive venues feel like to me),

and the day is turned into (I hope!) a celebration with no pain-in-the-butt have-tos for anyone. 

I have been in a few bridal parties, and it just seemed like no one truly enjoyed themselves – not even the bride and groom. 

 

So I am taking a page out of a friend’s book and writing a must-have list:

1) I get to marry him 

2) my mom is there when it happens 

3) there’s plentiful good food so everyone feels satisfied, and even gets to take leftovers if they want 

4) there’s amazing cake and maybe some pies too

5) there’s lovely music, and our friends sing the duet of “our song” (from Rapunzel), and we get to hear them play & sing 

6) there’s dancing of some kind, 

7) it’s meaningful and relaxed 

8) we took plenty of time to design our rings, so we absolutely love them 

Post # 27
Member
373 posts
Helper bee

sharpshooter :  she commented that she was planning her bachelorette because the bridemaids were not doing it.

Post # 28
Member
249 posts
Helper bee

I am. Got engaged 12/21/19 and getting married 6/22/19. I didn’t even want a wedding but doing a small one (50-70) for family and fiance. I wasn’t ever really planning in the first place. I let my mom and step mom help but I was over it when I was getting texts constantly about annoying stuff… like one shade of blue versus another. I pretty much stopped planning and will probably pick up a month before LOL. 

I just don’t care about any of it. Hell me and fiance are even making our own food for the reception. Because we want to. It is easier than paying out the @$$ for a caterer for a small wedding.

 

Post # 29
Member
373 posts
Helper bee

konablend :  I did notice that when it got under the time crunch the decisions became easier, since the choices became less.

Post # 30
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

3 months out to the day and I am over it. The place we are staying for the wedding night (airbnb) just canceled on us.. so now I have to find a new place. My dress still isn’t here. Should be soon. I was told mid/end March.. so any day now I’m hoping. Sending out invites next month, we are struggling with song choices but thankfully all the super big things are booked. It’s just all the tiny details to worry about. Is it strange to just completely lose all wedding motivation when you’re this close? haha.. I also have to figure out the honeymoon stuff.. it’s booked but i need to look into rental cars and book some activities in advance.. I better get back in the ‘mood’ soon!!

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