(Closed) Am I the only who doesn’t care if people get married/have kids before I do?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Nope; I don’t really understand that logic either.

Post # 4
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I feel the same way.

I was lucky in that my wedding wasn’t close to any of my close friends’ weddings (most of them aren’t there yet in their relationships anyway), but there were definitely people from my HS on Facebook getting engaged and married before me. Who cares? We weren’t ready til we were ready.

The having babies thing doesn’t even apply cause I am so far from wanting kids it’s not funny lol.

Post # 5
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m with you. I am happy for everyone that is getting engaged/married/having kids in my life before me. That’s where they are in life, but not where I am. Things will happen for me when they happen. No worries, no jealousy.

Post # 6
Member
6019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

me me me!!! I was with my current SO for years and we had a child. then we broke up and spent two years apart before realizing that we belong together and were still in love. Im blissfully happy and while we know we are getting married I am in no rush to push things along. I am enjoying every moment of our current situation. I come from a big family with lots of cousins and its always been made sort of a contest to see who gets marriedhas kids first and all that. Im 27 and obviously am not a by the rules kind of girl lol. I get asked all the time if it bothers me that some of my much younger cousins are getting married and stuff before I am. I can genuinely say that I really am not bothered at all! Im very happy for them and I will be right there to enjoy these exciting events with them. It really puts no pressure on me at all. it actually bothers me more to have people try and rush along my relationship than it does to see others situations moving forward faster than mine. Im happy, end of story and so its really easy to be happy for others. Even if i was not completey happy (which i wasnt for a long time) I still would be 100% happy for those around me who were settling down and moving forward.

Post # 8
Member
6349 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

All the ‘OMG, how DARE they get married before us!’ or ‘I want to be the FIRST to have a baby!’ posts really, really annoy me. I don’t get it. The world does not stand still because you happened to get engaged; people aren’t going to put off having babies just to avoid ‘treading on your toes’. Sometimes I just want to scream ‘get over yourself!’

Now, I do understand if someone is engaged, has set a date, and then someone close to them (so, the guest lists would overlap) gets engaged after, and sets a date for the same weekend/the week before; I can see how that would be annoying and upsetting. But otherwise, just be happy for them, and don’t take it so personally! I get the distinct impression that some people think it’s done on purpose to get ‘one up’, and I woudl bet that in 99.9999% of cases that isn’t the case; people just get married when it suits them.

I will admit I do sometimes get a bit jealous when I see people mine and my OHs age moving on, buying properties etc; but I would never moan about it, or be like ‘OMG! They’ve only been together 18 months and they’ve bought somewhere! I’ve been with my OH 6 years and we wanted to be the first to buy, it’s so unfair!’ lol. I’m just happy for them. So I think a lot of the time with these threads/posts, it’s  a bit of a case of the green-eyed monster; they want to be centre stage, or the first to marry/have children, so can’t stand someone else getting there first.

Post # 9
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I was married with a baby by age 24 so I think in my case it was like “Ok everyone else, hurry up and have babies!” because I was the only one.

I definitely think some people view it as a race to the altar/race to get pregnant.

Post # 10
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Meh, I just do whatever I want. Fiance and I wanted to get married so we are. Fiance and I do not want children so we aren’t. I don’t really bother to look what everyone else is doing because I don’t really care.

Post # 11
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@KatyElle: I feel like this right now because I’m young and really none of my friends are married or even close, let alone have children. I want to be a bridesmaid! And not feel like a loser because I want to have kids this early.

Post # 12
Member
6019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@KatyElle: its a bit strange for me because I really did things out of order so I have never really been at the same “stage” as others my age. So I sort of get what your saying about being one oft he only ones hitting a certain life stage.  I was 20 when my son was born so none of those close to me, save for a few friends and a couple cousins, had children and i was in the minority. So i think i kind of shed my need to keep up with the pack because I was never really a part of it and was always kind of on my own schedule. I learned to not really care what others thought of my situation therefore taking away the need to compete in any way.

Post # 13
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

 

I’m not in a hurry (even though I’m 43) but what annoys me is the longer my engagement goes on, the less seriously people seem to take it. I  don’t also like having to wait just so people I barely know can have a party at my expense. 

As for having children, that is unlikely to happen so I don’t give a rats ass about it.

Post # 14
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I never felt like “Ok I need to find someone to marry and have kids PRONTO so I can be a young mom, I need 3 kids before 28 and a house…” it just happened very naturally with my husband. But I also grew apart from a lot of my old party fun crowd. So it was a little isolating, but I’ve never lived my life according to other people’s plans.

Post # 15
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Nope, I was never on a schedule, and never really cared. Incidentally, we were the first couple out of any of our friends (who are around our age) that got married, but we aren’t having kids, and a lot of our friends have. I never viewed it as a race or competition, but I can see that having kids would make you wnat your friends to have kids too, more so than marriage

Post # 16
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t care… 🙂 Glad to find other people here who don’t either. Honestly, I’m a little peeved at the jealousy/hate FH and I’ve received since we got engaged. 

 I can see where I would be jealous if Future Brother-In-Law had a baby before us simply because I have baby fever right now and know we have to wait a few years due to my career….. BUT, I hope they do and I know that no matter what my SO’s family will love that kid way more than ours simply because of me. 

BUT…. I am reminded again and again my family will be thrilled and we are so much closer to them in every way that no matter when that happens I’m sure they will be thrilled. 

 

 

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