Post # 17
You guys are helping so much! Thanks. I was really beginning to think there was just something wrong with my Dad and he was cold an hearthless. How could he do this to her. But I am starting to see thing a little bit differently. It is still hard to think of him with someonelse so soon. Bi think I understand it better now. You guys are the BEST!!!
I have to be honest I have not talked this over with anyone close to me because I was so afraid I was going to look the cold heartless one to my friends. I mean who doesn’t want their Dad to be happy. I think now I can even talk to some of my friends about this thanks to your support.
Post # 18
@december bride: I want to echo all the things the other bees have said. My mom got divorced a few years ago, but it’s soooo weird for all of us to hear he talk about wanting to date and such *she’s still supposed to be our mom, not someone’s girlfriend! lol*
Then, a year ago today, we burried my grandma (her mom), and my grandpa was all about finding ‘lady companions’ and having people to hang out with and have dinner with, etc. We all felt the way you do, how we took it as he was forgetting her or leaving her memory behind, etc. But really, it’s common. And really, it isn’t healthy to be on the other end and giving up on life and love.
My mom turned to me once when we were all out and Gpa was commenting about a cute lady and said ‘it’s just so…weird, because he’s…’ Me: ‘…old…and your parent? Yeah, I know! ;0)’
Post # 19
maybe hes being dillusional? What I mean is, maybe your stepmothers death was really such a STRONG impact on his life that the next woman who was kind to him jus made him feel all fuzzy and warm inside. He might not even ” love” her- but he could just be going through a miss phase.
Post # 20
My mum did this when her husband (my step dad)passed away,very shortly after she began dating. It suprised me how much it hurt me. I was worried she wasnt really dealing with it well,and had just forgotton about him so quickly. And then of course I felt guilty that I wasnt entirely happy for my mum. But the way she explained it to me was this:
She adored and loved her husband.But they had become so isolated from other people,they relied purely on each other,didnt really have any friends to socialise with.she described it as them being on an island,and she was happy.But when he passed away,she realised she didnt really have a support sytem inplace bar family (which was small anyway) and his death made her realise this. She went out to make friends and meet new people and if she happened to meet someone special along the way,then great.
Shes now met someone,been with him for 3 years now and they are getting married soon. I just wanted you to know I went through the same thing and had the same emotions.
Post # 21
This is a toughie. First, you are not a bad daughter. Secondly, I think your feelings and emotions are completely founded. I think he is terrified and heatbroken and doesn’t want to be alone. And honestly, I cannot blame him. I know it seems disrespectful to your Step mother but I think he is just wanting a companion to live out his life with. The whole thing is very sad and I wish the best to everyone. *hugs*
Post # 22
@kimbo89: You nailed. This is EXACTLY what happened to them. I have said so many times to my Dad why don’t you hang out with some of your guy buddies and thats when he told me; I don’t have any. My life was Betty. Wow, you know precisly what I feel.
I have to say there is a part of me too that feels protective and worried that- what if she is taking advantage of him? My Dad is in no way a wealthy man, He made his living as an electrician. But he is wise with money. Invested well never had credit cards that kind of thing. He has an amazing house and two nice cars ALL fully paid for. So I understand that he has a need for support but concerned that this could be used to harm him.
Thank you for your post. You really know what I am going through. Glad to hear your Mom is happy. I need to keep that in mind for my DAD.
Post # 23
@Mrs.ChubbyBunny: You always have such kind posts. Thanks. You are so right, I know he doesn’t want to be alone. I don’t want him to be alone. But I wanted him to wait until I was ready!!! LOL. This is where my guilt kicks in. It shouldn’t be about me, and yet I am hurting so it feels like it is…
Post # 24
First, I am so sorry about your loss. I know that must have been really hard for your family. Second, you are in no way a bad daughter and your feelings are 100% normal. When my aunt died of cancer, my uncle got remarried within a year. It was really hard for me because I felt like he was forgetting my aunt. However, from what you described, it sounds like your dad and stepmom had a very special relationship. He was giving her SO MUCH love and now she’s not here for him to share it with. I’m sure that’s a really scary experience for him, so it sounds like he’s dealing the best way he can. I am sure he’s learned to compartmentalize… and that this new relationship has nothing to do with his absolute love for your stepmom.
I hope you find some comfort, soon. But please don’t blame yourself for feeling this way. You’re human!
Post # 25
I think that perhaps the hard part of this for you is the timing. If there had been more time between the death and his finding someone it might not be so bad. My Father-In-Law lost his wife and was devastated. But a year and a half later he has found someone, and we are all pretty happy for him. My husband’s best friend’s dad started dating 5 WEEKS after his wife died. We were all like WOW. I don’t know what the “right” amount of time is… but sometimes it seems too soon. And yes, my Father-In-Law is giddy like a teenager over his new girlfriend.