(Closed) Am I the worlds worst Daughter?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 18
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@december bride: I want to echo all the things the other bees have said. My mom got divorced a few years ago, but it’s soooo weird for all of us to hear he talk about wanting to date and such *she’s still supposed to be our mom, not someone’s girlfriend! lol*

Then, a year ago today, we burried my grandma (her mom), and my grandpa was all about finding ‘lady companions’ and having people to hang out with and have dinner with, etc. We all felt the way you do, how we took it as he was forgetting her or leaving her memory behind, etc. But really, it’s common. And really, it isn’t healthy to be on the other end and giving up on life and love.

My mom turned to me once when we were all out and Gpa was commenting about a cute lady and said ‘it’s just so…weird, because he’s…’    Me: ‘…old…and your parent? Yeah, I know! ;0)’ 

Post # 19
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

maybe hes being dillusional? What I mean is, maybe your stepmothers death was really such a STRONG impact on his life that the next woman who was kind to him jus made him feel all fuzzy and warm inside. He might not even ” love” her- but he could just be going through a miss phase.

Post # 20
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My mum did this when her husband (my step dad)passed away,very shortly after she began dating. It suprised me how much it hurt me. I was worried she wasnt really dealing with it well,and had just forgotton about him so quickly. And then of course I felt guilty that I wasnt entirely happy for my mum. But the way she explained it to me was this:

She adored and loved her husband.But they had become so isolated from other people,they relied purely on each other,didnt really have any friends to socialise with.she described it as them being on an island,and she was happy.But when he passed away,she realised she didnt really have a support sytem inplace bar family (which was small anyway) and his death made her realise this. She went out to make friends and meet new people and if she happened to meet someone special along the way,then great.

Shes now met someone,been with him for 3 years now and they are getting married soon. I just wanted you to know I went through the same  thing and had the same emotions.

Post # 21
Member
2700 posts
Sugar bee

This is a toughie. First, you are not a bad daughter. Secondly, I think your feelings and emotions are completely founded. I think he is terrified and heatbroken and doesn’t want to be alone. And honestly, I cannot blame him. I know it seems disrespectful to your Step mother but I think he is just wanting a companion to live out his life with. The whole thing is very sad and I wish the best to everyone. *hugs*

Post # 24
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

First, I am so sorry about your loss. I know that must have been really hard for your family. Second, you are in no way a bad daughter and your feelings are 100% normal. When my aunt died of cancer, my uncle got remarried within a year. It was really hard for me because I felt like he was forgetting my aunt. However, from what you described, it sounds like your dad and stepmom had a very special relationship. He was giving her SO MUCH love and now she’s not here for him to share it with. I’m sure that’s a really scary experience for him, so it sounds like he’s dealing the best way he can. I am sure he’s learned to compartmentalize… and that this new relationship has nothing to do with his absolute love for your stepmom.

I hope you find some comfort, soon. But please don’t blame yourself for feeling this way. You’re human! 

Post # 25
Member
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think that perhaps the hard part of this for you is the timing.  If there had been more time between the death and his finding someone it might not be so bad.  My Father-In-Law lost his wife and was devastated.  But a year and a half later he has found someone, and we are all pretty happy for him.  My husband’s best friend’s dad started dating 5 WEEKS after his wife died.  We were all like WOW.  I don’t know what the “right” amount of time is… but sometimes it seems too soon.  And yes, my Father-In-Law is giddy like a teenager over his new girlfriend.

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