(Closed) Am I the worst bridesmaid ever?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do?

    Suck it up and try and save the money.

    Tell them only one of you can go.

    Both of you opt out of the parties.

  • Post # 2
    Member
    6119 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    newlybeebride :  There is no way I could spend $3k on pre wedding parties. I’d just say that and before they book stuff. 

    I think that price is ridiculous..Do what you can afford. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    1338 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    Attending the bachelorette party is not a required function to be in a wedding! I have no idea why people think it is. ESPECIALLY a destination bach! No reason at all to feel bad, I wouldn’t spend that money on someone I was BFFs with if I didn’t have it. Just be upfront and tell them both no.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1338 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    View original reply
    newlybeebride :  Of course! Everyone has their own financial situation, while it might be feasible for other BMs to drop hundreds on a bach weekend, it doesn’t mean it’s possible for everyone. If the bride & groom can’t understand this then they need to get over it and grow up! You do what’s best for you and your husband!

    Post # 6
    Member
    1998 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    View original reply
    newlybeebride :  Your financial situation changed.  Your financial stability takes priority and if they can’t understand that then they are not your friends.  Are they going to help pay your bills and other expenses?  People who won’t try to understand my situation after I’ve explained it to them aren’t worth my time or effort.  Catch my drift?

    Post # 7
    Member
    114 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2018 - San Diego, CA

    I wouldn’t even spend that much for a best friend, much less someone I hardly know. I think the best compromise would be to have your husband go because he actually is friends with this guy. You should send a gift or money to the person planning it to pay for a couple of the bride to be’s drinks and express that you would have loved to come but it wasn’t feasible, you’re really excited to be with her for the wedding though. 

    You dont have to go and that doesn’t make you a bad person. Don’t feel guilty, save your money don’t stress. 

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    1015 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    newlybeebride :  I wouldn’t be that concerned with disappointing someone you barely know and likely won’t see again after being used as a prop in her wedding.  I wouldn’t even attend a cross-country wedding for someone I’m not that close to and only see a handful of times a year.  

    Post # 9
    Member
    6119 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    newlybeebride :  If it doesn’t go over well then they are jerks. They don’t get to tell you to spend three grand you can’t afford. Even if someone else travels out of state. That means they have more disposable income. I know I wouldn’t be able to afford that. I spent $2k once to be in a wedding but there’s no way I could have added another $3k for other parties. Like zero chance I could afford that. 

    They really should be understanding. I would expect disappointment but that’s normal. But being mad or upset? That’s not ok. You’re already traveling out of state to attend. It’s ridiculous to expect you to travel out of state twice. 

    A four day party is kind of a ridiculous expectation. It’s a luxury and great if you can but totally optional if you can’t. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    809 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2019

    I’m with everyone else, I don’t think it makes sense for you to compromise your financial situation for someone you barely know.

    Post # 13
    Member
    616 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    newlybeebride :  My husband and I are in a good financial position, but there is still no way I would spend that kind of money on bachelor/bachelorette parties.  It’s not a reasonable regardless of the bride and groom’s financial situation.  Letting them know you both can’t get the time off from work would be a good way to decline without making it about affordability. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    7222 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2016

    It sounds like something that might have been a lot of fun when you were in a different place financially. Now, this sounds like something that would actually be detrimental to your well being and your financial stability to do- meaning spending $3k on someone else’s parties when you’re trying to make ends meet in a new place is not smart at all.

    I would let them know that you can’t do it since you’ve just moved and are still getting established. That you appreciate being invited but that it won’t work out for you. And stick with that.

    PS- who really saves for years to attend their friend’s maybe one day bachelor party? That sounds like so much puffed up bs it’s laughable.

    Post # 15
    Member
    859 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    If my best friend in the whole world asked me to pay that much for her Bachelorette, I’d tell her she’s out of her mind. Not to mention, why is she planning her own trip?

    Like PPs said, the Bach parties aren’t mandatory, so they should be okay with it. If not, then even with the worst case scenario, you’re only losing a “friendship” with someone you barely know. 

    Sidenote: What sort of tool brags about how long their groomsmen have been saving up? Ew. 

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