(Closed) Am I the worst bridesmaid ever?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do?

    Suck it up and try and save the money.

    Tell them only one of you can go.

    Both of you opt out of the parties.

  • Post # 16
    Member
    507 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

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    newlybeebride :  Factor in not being close to her (and other BMs), it would be a waste of money. If you wanted to spend 3k on a vacation, I’m sure you’d rather spend it visiting your friends or family. 

    Personally, I wouldn’t want to go to a 4 night destination bachelorette party for my close friends at this point of my life. After a couple of days, I’m usually ready to  get back to my family.  

    Therefore, I’d politely decline and buy a round of drinks or something. Don’t feel bad, this happens quite a bit with destination bachelorette parties. Just be honest with her and tell her as soon as possible. 

    Editing: I voted the second option since you mentioned your DH going to  Bill’s party. If it were me and my DH we would both decline. 

    Post # 17
    Member
    603 posts
    Busy bee

     

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    newlybeebride :   From what I have read, it sounds like your hubs and the groom are really solid friends. The groom was in your wedding and your husband is in his. I would try to make that happen, but still feel comfortable saying no, if you can’t afford it. Or reduce participation.

    Given you relationship with the bride, I would just say sorry can’t make it, call the hotel and have bubbly sent up to the room.

    It’s okay to say no to things that are not in your budget, or that are more than you want to spend.

    Post # 18
    Member
    5778 posts
    Bee Keeper

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    newlybeebride :  “Bill” has bragged about how most of his groomsmen have been saving for years for this party.’

    LOL ummm, yeah, okay Bill undecided

    I wouldn’t go to the bachelorette for sure. As for your husband going, even though he’s known Bill for ages, he shouldn’t feel obligated just because of this or because Bill did nice stuff for his wedding. A good friend wouldn’t expect himi to put himself in financial straits to fly in for what amounts to a party. It sounds like even just attending the wedding will be expensive enough. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    190 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

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    newlybeebride :  Yeh NO. You barely know her, and from the perspective of being a bridesmaid for someone you barely know you should NOT feel a need to foot that amount of money. I’d tell her you’ll be there the wedding day, do the dress, etc but that’s it. You are in a new spot in your lives, you don’t owe anything to anyone and she should understand. Don’t feel guilty for not being able to spend $3k (prob more) for a woman you barely know. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    413 posts
    Helper bee

    Wait they are planning their own bachelor/bachelorette parties??? This is not ok. How do other people in the wedding party feel? If they are very wealthy, and expect people to attend, maybe they should pick up the hotel cost for everyone. I agree a destination bachelor/bachelorette party is NOT mandatory esp one that long (I wouldnt even have PTO to take off 2+ days for a bachelorette).

    Post # 21
    Member
    511 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

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    newlybeebride :  I have a friend that is very wealthy and does things like this… she’ll pick a super expensive restuarant and bar to go to for her birthday, ask me to go on huge trips, etc. Basically I just explain to her that I can’t afford things like that. Then she recommends something else that is also expensive but to her it’s “cheaper” so I then explain to her what types of things I can afford. We are very close friends and her other friends have budgets similar to mine so she normally picks something cheaper to do once I talk to her about it, because she cares more about who goes then what we do. 

    My advice to you is not to go on these trips, but instead plan something small and affordable like dinner and a bar or an adult arcade like Dave and Busters and as a separate combined bachorette/bachlor party for them. This way it’ll cost you guys SOOO much less and then you still feel like you are being there for them and celebrating. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    393 posts
    Helper bee

    You are not a horrible bmaid.  Of course it would be nice to go and support her but that is unrealistic.  Besides if she doesn’t feel that close to ehr bridesmaid why would you go for such a long and far away batchelorette.  And 75% is  a huge pay cut unless of course you were making a million a year

    Post # 23
    Member
    2119 posts
    Buzzing bee

    It is SO flippin’ gross to me that these horrid sounding people are “very very wealthy” then brag about how long their friends have to save up to afford their parties. I would opt out of the pre-wedding parties and quite frankly, the friendship. 

    Easy to understand why the groom has asked a high school friend he barely sees, and the bride has asked someone she really doesn’t know – you can’t buy class, empathy, or personalities! 

    Post # 24
    Member
    3 posts
    Wannabee

    I’ve skipped 2 out of town bachelorette parties for financial reasons and neither one was an issue. They were both close friends and I’m pretty open about money stuff so I think that helped. If you can’t afford it you can’t afford it.

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