(Closed) Am I to blame?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

ugh… that would really annoy me. If I were you, I would set a timeline, don’t tell him about it, and leave if he hasn’t proposed by then. I know you haven’t really asked if you should do that, but I think if he’s indecisive like that, then that means you don’t want to be with him, and if he’s not indecisive then he’s just… cruel! and you really don’t want to be with him.

Post # 4
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Call him on his bull. Remind him that he talks about this ring a lot, and that each time he has he has essentially lied about it. Then (as gently as you please) tell him you only want to hear him talk about rings if he means it, and if he’s either actually bought one, or if he’s proposing.

 

It takes 2 people for a lie to work: one person has to say an untruth, and the other has to believe it.

Post # 5
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

This man is not mature enough to get married. It is absolutely unacceptable to use the promise of engagement as a weapon to punish you with when he gets mad at you. You’re young and you haven’t been together that long. Please don’t rush into anything until he grows up.

Post # 6
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

@mrssrm:  Agreed!!  I don’t know him, obviously, but to me he does not seem ready for marriage.  Good luck OP!

Post # 7
Member
1550 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

if everytime he gets upset enough he says something like “thank god i didnt give you the ring” it really means “thank god im not going to ask you to marry me”

What will he do when you get married? threaten to get a divorce?

He’s an ass.

Post # 8
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I understand if a guy takes a long time to gather courage or wait for the perfect circumstances to propose, but he should never hold that impending proposal over your head for any reason. That’s just mean. Makes me wonder what he will use to hurt you in the future after you’re engaged or married. 

If I were you I’d tell him something like: “I never pressured or nagged you to propose to me, I left that up to you as a man’s traditional right to decide to propose or not, and when and how to do it. You can keep taking your time for whatever reason if you want, and know that I’m ready to commit to you; but don’t drop hints to lead me on and don’t you EVER hold it over me again. If you do that shows me you are only stalling to keep me in the relationship. Either let me know if you’re not quite ready and I’ll understand, or just do it. Anything else or I’m walking away.”

Post # 9
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Anamagana:  That is exactly my thoughts on it.  

 

It’s not okay to throw that around in an argument.  That is fighting dirty and you shouldn’t stand for it.

Post # 10
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@mrssrm:  I agree 100%

I can’t believe he’s using it as a weapon against you. Also, I doubt there’s a ring. I’d be shocked if he has actually looked at rings. As another PP suggested, set a timeline for yourself. If he hasn’t proposed by a certain time, walk, because he’s wasting your time with his immature antics. It sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do.

Post # 11
Member
5662 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@mrssrm:  agreed. 

Hes using something he knows you want and dangling it in front for you to get whatever i reaction it is he wants in that moment. That behavior is horribly immature and disrespectful. And frankly pathetic!

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