Post # 1
I am 22 years old and have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years. We talk about marrage often but..He keeps getting my hopes up and I keep getting hurt. It all started last year around October. We had got in a pretty bad argument, which i cannot remember now. The words were spoken and thrown at me like a rock, “I have to return the ring for your information, I was going to ask you on your birthday”. We got over the fight within a day. Here comes my birthday, no purposal. I didnt say anything, the last thing i wanted is for him to feel rushed.
Then he left for training for 2 weeks this pawst summer. When he got back we went out. As im eating he tells me that he thinks he has found a ring for me! This is 8 months later. So im thinking to myself, hmmm did he lie to me or did he really return this “ring”. Of course i didnt say anything about it again.
All of a sudden, he wants to know when our anniversary is (he forgot the year before). So here I am thinking that this is going to be the day! He was all of a sudden i need to save money, this and that. I got flowers.
I know it may seem like we argue alot, but really we dont. We get upset about normal things. But here we go agian, another argument that took place just a few days ago. He ust have been having a bad day…but here we go again with the “ring”. These are his words exactly “good thing this happened before christmas, before i gave you this stupid ring”.
This is really starting to get annoying to me. I would say yes, im in love with this person. But all this mentioning of this ring for over a year is really starting to break me a part. Is he lieing about this “ring”? Is he confused? Or is he just saying these things to get my hopes up?
Post # 3
ugh… that would really annoy me. If I were you, I would set a timeline, don’t tell him about it, and leave if he hasn’t proposed by then. I know you haven’t really asked if you should do that, but I think if he’s indecisive like that, then that means you don’t want to be with him, and if he’s not indecisive then he’s just… cruel! and you really don’t want to be with him.
Post # 4
Call him on his bull. Remind him that he talks about this ring a lot, and that each time he has he has essentially lied about it. Then (as gently as you please) tell him you only want to hear him talk about rings if he means it, and if he’s either actually bought one, or if he’s proposing.
It takes 2 people for a lie to work: one person has to say an untruth, and the other has to believe it.
Post # 5
This man is not mature enough to get married. It is absolutely unacceptable to use the promise of engagement as a weapon to punish you with when he gets mad at you. You’re young and you haven’t been together that long. Please don’t rush into anything until he grows up.
Post # 6
- Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA
@mrssrm: Agreed!! I don’t know him, obviously, but to me he does not seem ready for marriage. Good luck OP!
Post # 7
if everytime he gets upset enough he says something like “thank god i didnt give you the ring” it really means “thank god im not going to ask you to marry me”
What will he do when you get married? threaten to get a divorce?
He’s an ass.
Post # 8
I understand if a guy takes a long time to gather courage or wait for the perfect circumstances to propose, but he should never hold that impending proposal over your head for any reason. That’s just mean. Makes me wonder what he will use to hurt you in the future after you’re engaged or married.
If I were you I’d tell him something like: “I never pressured or nagged you to propose to me, I left that up to you as a man’s traditional right to decide to propose or not, and when and how to do it. You can keep taking your time for whatever reason if you want, and know that I’m ready to commit to you; but don’t drop hints to lead me on and don’t you EVER hold it over me again. If you do that shows me you are only stalling to keep me in the relationship. Either let me know if you’re not quite ready and I’ll understand, or just do it. Anything else or I’m walking away.”
Post # 9
@Anamagana: That is exactly my thoughts on it.
It’s not okay to throw that around in an argument. That is fighting dirty and you shouldn’t stand for it.
Post # 10
@mrssrm: I agree 100%
I can’t believe he’s using it as a weapon against you. Also, I doubt there’s a ring. I’d be shocked if he has actually looked at rings. As another PP suggested, set a timeline for yourself. If he hasn’t proposed by a certain time, walk, because he’s wasting your time with his immature antics. It sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do.
Post # 11
Hes using something he knows you want and dangling it in front for you to get whatever i reaction it is he wants in that moment. That behavior is horribly immature and disrespectful. And frankly pathetic!
Post # 12
Yes it is very cruel. Everything that all you have said is right. He is an immature person, and it is sad especially when he is 30 years old. I just hate that i love the guy so much to where i dont say anything. But…I have let him know that after 3 years that is long enough. If he doesnt remember then I will have to leave. I hope he will make the right choice. I do a lot for this guy, things i’ve never done for my past relationships. Thank you for the advice I really appreciate it.
Post # 13
Well I thought that i would let you all know since Christmas has passed, no porposal. Even though I knew it wasn’t going to happen I’m a bit upset. At least I can say I didn’t cry this time. It’s not so much that he didn’t, it’s that he can make me feel like he is a liar. So the date is set for myself, and it has nothing to do with wanting to rush and be engaged and all the pretty things that would come with it, it’s about the loyalty of this situation…he has let my heart down and has made me feel, and most of you will agree, that he has lied about the whole thing. Like one of you mentioned he says he has this “ring” just to secure that we will still be in a relationship. He has no idea about this date, that will take place December 31st 2013. If he brings up this “ring” again in an argument I have written a letter, which thank you all for helping me, that i will give to him. Maybe that will give him something to think about before the end of next year, if he pulls the same bs.
Thank you Bees you have been a great deal of help for me. And a late Merry Christmas to all of you.