Am I too picky?

posted 6 days ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

I would move on. I knew pretty immediately that I was excited to go on a date (and continue going on dates) with my now husband. Dating can be frustrating, but I wouldn’t waste this guy’s time if you’re feeling this lukewarm about him right off the bat. 

Post # 3
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

NO! Listen to those gut feelings! I was mostly single for nearly 7 years with a few short (6months or less) relationships. I was happy waiting for the RIGHT one.

Met my husband and knew within the first date he was special, knew within a month he was for me. We got engaged after a year, married at 17 months and are now pregnant.

I am SOOOOOOOO glad I didnt settle in all those years. My Darling Husband may not be perfect to others — but for me he is PERFECT! We understand eachother, laugh and have fun doing almost anything, have a very strong physical connection. He is my best friend and favorite person in the world and I feel sorry for people who arent that freaking excited about their husband.

There are a limited number of people you can have this kind of connection (sustainably) with. Wait for the right person… sooooo worth it!

Post # 4
Member
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

Be as picky as you want to be, you have every right. Tbh I generally think people should be more picky with these things, so many of my friends would have saved a lot of heartache and disappointment if they had gone with their gut and been more picky about boys! 

But do bear in mind that it’s quite normal to not automatically find someone good looking if you’re not attracted to their personality. I was at uni with my fiance for months before we got together, during which I never so much as noticed his appearance. In fact, some of my friends used to go on about how attractive he was, and I used to tell them I didn’t see what they were talking about! However once we started getting to know eachother and liking eachother that was when I started realising that I thought he was really good looking.

I would prioritise how you feel about his personality over this looks, and if you didn’t have an amazing time on the date and feel compelled to spend more time with him, then there’s probably no need to go out with him again?

Post # 5
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I don’t think you’re being picky. I think you’re good either way but I say go – if you enjoyed having a conversation with him – that is awesome and hard to come by.  Beards, clothes etc can all be fixed so try and focus on his personality as that is something that can’t easily be fixed.  If after the second time, there’s nothing about him that draws you to him than feel free to let it go.  

Post # 6
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

I went on so many bad dates that the “just ok” ones honestly started standing out to me!  And remember that attraction can grow.  As amazing as it would be to immediately think the guy you’re seeing is super duper hot, that’s just not always realistic.  I say give it another shot, because second dates can really change things, and then maybe make a more informed determination.  Lots of folks are nervous or not their true selves on first dates because let’s face it, first dates are nerve-wracking!  I say go for it. 🙂 

Post # 8
Member
4387 posts
Honey bee

When I was online dating, I usually gave it two or three dates provided there weren’t any alarm bells tripped or negative gut feelings.  Lord knows I don’t always give the best first impression so I give that same benefit of the doubt to others and I like to see how things are without the awkwardness of having just met, and feeling a little more comfortable, etc. They are just dates…You aren’t committing to marry the guy or have his babies or even be exclusive with him yet.

Post # 10
Member
6734 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Honestly most of my friends say the first dates with their husband’s were only “okay.” It was the second date that really set off fireworks. So that’s usually why I say to give a second date a try. If the first date was okay then what’s the harm? Now if the first date was bad then yes, just move on. 

Post # 12
Member
1198 posts
Bumble bee

I would definitely give anyone you partially like at least 2-3 dates. It wasn’t until date 3-4 that I started to have really strong feelings for my Darling Husband – before that I was just ‘eh, maybe’. Now we’ve been together 7 wonderful years. Sometimes everyone just has to get over the awkward, new part before really relaxing and getting go with someone.

Post # 13
Member
2230 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I guess it couldn’t hurt to go out with him one more time. Honestly, I don’t think you’re going to develop an attraction to this guy, but you’ve got nothing to lose going out with him once more to be sure.

 

I don’t consider myself a shallow person by any means, but physical attraction is important to me. (And it’s not like any of the guys I dated were male models or anything). Sure, it can grow, but in my case, it usually didn’t. That said, really no harm in giving it another try. If after the second date you’re still pretty meh on him, I’d decline a third date.

Post # 14
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

It can definitely feel impossible when you keep going on dates with no spark. I get it. I ended up meeting my husband through mutual friends when I was least expecting it. Maybe it would be helpful to take a short break from dating and just focus on yourself. sarahj1238 :  

Post # 15
Member
239 posts
Helper bee

Definitely give it another go!  First dates are awkward and as pps have mentioned, sometimes it’s hard to get past nerves to be yourself.  The way I see it, first dates are to clear the red flags (anything from pulling teeth to make conversation, to him telling you he has to report to jail on the weekends and shows you his house arrest anklet), dates 2-3 are when you really get to know someone one.

it sounds like you had a nice time, great conversation, and no red flags.  Definitely go out with him again, with an open mind and try to get to know him even better.  See if the attraction grows!

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