(Closed) Am I too sensitive about husbands comments?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3053 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Does he care that it bothers you? My SO can be the same way occasionally & says she’s “just teasing”. I’ve learned over time that that’s how her family is. They all tease each other all the time & poke fun at each other. I’ve been able to bring it up with her & point out that it’s hurtful to me. Luckily, after that, she has been very careful with what she “teases” me about. I’m REALLY sensitive so it never came across as funny to me. I don’t even think it’s funny when her family does it but I’ve learned that that part is none of my business so I just kind of ignore it. Do you sit down & have a serious conversation with him or just say “that’s not funny, you know I don’t like it!” in the heat of the moment. I found talking about it way after and in a serious moment helped me.

Post # 5
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

While I don’t think the jokes are horrible, I do not agree with you bringing the issue to him and him not changing his behavior.  That’s messed up.  He’s minimizing your feelings and continuing to hurt you.  Not cool.  So no, I don’t think you’re overreacting.

Post # 6
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Ilovetruffels:  Argh, I’m angry for you!

My husband is european and he has this “treat her mean to keep her keen” mentality that he grew up with but its usually in a really joking tone and its very witty and banter-like but if it ever goes too far and actually touches on really sensitive subjects that upset me, I make sure he knows it and we have a hard talk that sometimes comes with tears (as silly as that sounds) but its important to me to tell him how I feel because he’s the one that should make me feel the prettiest, smartest, best, etc because he’s my best friend and biggest fan not tear me down like one of his guy-friends.

The first time I did this with him it made me feel like an emo-GF but it really did well to open our communication doors and show him that he can be hurtful even if he thinks he’s being funny… and it doesn’t matter if he or other people think its funny, what matters is that it HURTS ME and that is never going to be okay.

Please have a real talk with him. He obviously doesn’t believe that he’s hurting you. He sounds passive-aggressive as well if you ask me… like he’s putting you down to make himself feel better like a classic bully! 

He’s your HUSBAND, not your big brother and he should never be making you feel that way.

Post # 7
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee

The role is reversed in our house. I tease my Fiance who has extremely high IQ,is artistic and can be very sensitive.I have to be super careful not to, because he can misinterpret i I have to try and be tactful.  Sometimes I have no filter. Often when he is tired it is the worst. But the thing is I DO TRY because I don’t want to make him sad. If your man is being insensitive to your feelings on the matter.That is not a good thing.

Post # 8
Member
3053 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@Ilovetruffels:  It really does have to do with upbringing! & I completely agree, not everyone finds it funny & I can see how you could be worried other people will think he isn’t treating you right or think badly of him for talking about you like that. I would be one of those people because I am more like you. Maybe try asking him what he would think if OTHER people started saying those things about you, how HE would feel. Idk if this would work at all but maybe he would start to feel protective of you and it would touch that “only I can say those things” side of him? just a thought! probably my only idea lol good luck!

Post # 11
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think your “poll” options are all kinda bad. I would say No you are not too sensitive, but you shouldnt ignore it and “be the better person” or should you do it back at him. You should make it stop, while not doing it back at him either.

Post # 12
Member
6215 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I would be mad, but neither acting the same way nor ignoring the behavior is the right way to approach this. If you ignore it he will think it doesn’t bother you anymore, and if you do it back the behavior will just escalate. You need to have a serious talk about how you don’t like it and how it’s affecting you

Post # 14
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I understand how you feel. My Fiance does stuff like this a lot. I’ve had to learn to be really patient with him, and spell it out to him. Saying like, ” I understand YOU think this is funny, but it hurts me because x and y.” Idk if your husband is the same way, but most of the time Fiance doesnt realize that I’m really upset. 

Post # 15
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Next time he does it, just go, “And your dick’s too small, Ha ha!….what? I just tease you cause I love you….”

Post # 16
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That shit would piss me off! As your husband he should build you up, let you know (and his friends know) how smart, beautiful, special, etc. you are. This is really immature and insensitive of him.

It’s like I explain to my kindergarten students about teasing: if the other person isn’t laughing, it’s NOT funny!

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