Am I too sensitive? Am I in the wrong?

posted 1 week ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee

If he has always been like this, I would say you’re just married to an asshole. If it had popped up earlier in your marriage, I would think maybe he’s just a standard abuser. But I think he, at base, probably has feelings for another girl, and at worse is having a full fledged affair. 

Most cheaters feel guilty about what they’re doing. A subset of them cope by trying to justify their behavior by blaming their partners. “The nagging wife” is a trope of philandering married men. When he is telling you that you make him angry, he is probably trying to tell himself that you made him cheat (you didn’t, this is the irrational thinking of a guilty mind). 

I find it weird that he is being prickly all of a sudden about you wanting check ins — I presume that isn’t new behavior on your part. Sort of makes me wonder if it’s because he is generally being shady about his whereabouts. 

Alternative explanations are that he copes with stress at his job by being abusive (not good), or he has a brain tumor that is changing his behavior (not very likely, but I’ve heard of it happening). But my money is on cheating — being “stressed at work” is a common cover story there for changed behavior. 

Regardless of his reasons, he is definitely being abusive and that’s not ok. 

Post # 32
Member
3486 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry. My guess is that he’s interested in someone else and doesn’t care about trying to make the marriage work. 

Post # 33
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2021

You’re not being overly sensitive. You’re not asking too much of the relationship. Honestly I could have written this story. And in the end I caught my ex cheating.

 

I don’t want to say this to hurt you, but this behaviour has big red flags. I get that he has friends, but why didn’t he want you hanging out with them?

 

Also he sounds like he is the guy that would get angry at you for suggesting any sort of cheating.

 

His reactions sounds like he is gas lighting you. I would start looking out for other signs. 

 

Also start a new account and put money into it. Get yourself ready. If it turns out that it’s nothing, then you just have a nest egg of savings. 

 

I really hope for you that it’s all ok.

Post # 34
Member
266 posts
Helper bee

Ugh my ex husband pulled all of this same behavior. He’d start these fights about nothing and then storm off for alone time to go clear his head. I found out later that he was leaving to go be with another woman. It got to the point that I was tiptoeing around him and he would still find some reason to scream and slam the door and disappear for hours. It was also always “my fault”. 

I got to the point where I was shaking and crying just thinking about what I’d done. His phone was next to my one night while he was in the shower. I saw an unfamiliar woman’s name on the caller ID. I got a weird feeling that something was up but I didn’t do anything. He came back, looked through his phone, didn’t make a comment. That night I went to look at his call log and he’d deleted her call from the history.

This prompted me to snoop further until I had proof. He started another fight the next day and I just looked at him and said “So I guess it’s time to head to Christina’s?” He just froze and sat on the couch and for the first time, didn’t yell at me. I did the yelling at that point lol. My gut tells me to consider other possibilities here. He’s acting erratically and it may just be work. Or there could be other reasons. Btw I’m happily remarried now with a sweet man who would rather hurt himself than ever make me feel marginalized or unloved. You deserve that in your life, bee. 

Post # 35
Member
767 posts
Busy bee

Yeah. Cheating immediately came to mind. This is classic cheating behavior. Hope that’s not it, but you might want to do some digging, OP.

Post # 37
Member
523 posts
Busy bee

PizzaBride :  “He started another fight with me the next day and I just looked at him and said “So I guess it’s time to head to Christina’s” 

That is absolute perfection Bee- you not only called him on his affair but on how you knew he was deliberately picking fights and then trying to blame you. Bravo! Too often in various situations I think of the perfect thing to say after the fact. It must have still really hurt at the time, but it also freed you up to be with the sweet decent guy you have now 🙂

 

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