(Closed) Am I too trusting?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 107
Member
3774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

I just told my husband about this thread to get a guys perspective.  He looked at me like I was from another planet and said the thread should have been call “Am I too stupid?”  I am not condoning my husband choice of wording but the fact remains that not even another man thinks his position is valid.

Post # 108
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

“he said he can’t be better while he feels like he needs to have a single man’s life”

This quote stuck out to me.  That’s lovely that he wants to be better for you (whatever that means), but his overriding drive at the moment seems to be that he wants to be single.  He just doesn’t have the balls to fully admit it, and I’m sure he does care for you on some level, but really, I mean deep down really, he just wants to be single.  And if that’s his truth, there’s really nothing you can do about it.  Be pissed, hurt, sad, etc. of course… he’s been lying to himself and more importantly to you… but in the end you have to just let him go.  He’s not going to be truly happy until he’s single, and you’re not going to be happy or be able to get past this and past him until you give that to him.  Consider it your final parting gift- exactly what he wanted– freedom.  Then move on with your life.  You WILL find someone better and who deserves you much more than he does.

Post # 109
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

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@Am I Naive: I just read about last night.  I LOVE how you handled this!  Bravo!  You can do this!  And the good news is now that it’s bottomed out, you only have up to go!

Post # 110
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee

*HUGS* So proud of you. I know it’s going to be really hard these first days, but soon every day will be a little better. 

Post # 111
Member
3519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I hope for your sake that things work out.  This can’t be an easy time.  It’s good that now you’re looking out for YOU and your child.  ((hug))

Post # 112
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Am I Naive:

Sorry you are going through this but he should have never started a relationship with you if he wanted to be single still.. that is his fault and now you are suffering because of his mistake.. and what a great time to do this too… you’re engaged for pete sake.. like I said before he should have thought about this waaaayyy  before he decided to propose to the woman he so called wants to spend the rest of his life with…   I personally would never allow a break.. I would only consider the break up but that is just me…  Also you have a lot of pressure on you planning the wedding and I am sure you could use a little help around the hopuse when you ask him to do things he should want to and not make you get to the point of coming home angry and being pissed off with him all the time… Even when you are having those bad days he should be there for you,

I went through some hard times and sometimes I even accidently took my anger and frusteration out on my lovely SO sure he could have left me or said “we need a break: but no he loves me and wants to be with me only… or he wouldnt have started the relationship with me in the first place… so even though I took some things I shouldnt have out on him he stuck by my side and helped me through my problems… That is why I love him so much. I am sorry hun I think he is just using that as an excuse to sleep with other women or even just get their attention..  And he is coming home to you and getting sex too? WTF? He has it made….  I would not have sex with him anymore… If he doesnt want ALL of you he shouldnt get any…

Post # 113
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

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@Am I Naive:  ((Hug))

Even if you’re not hugely enthused by food you might want to try nibbling on a little something.  Energy is important, especially when we have lots of crazy emotions charging through our systems.

Post # 114
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

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@Am I Naive: Also if he cant handle it when things go bad in the relationship and there are some hard times, how the hell is he going to handle marriage. My SO and I have already gone through so many hard and bad times and we stuck with each other because we are a team… Through thick and through thin, throug good and bad…….. I dont think he will ever be able for a proper relationship let alone marriage… Please think this over…I wish you werent going through this at all..

Post # 115
Member
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have read this whole thread.

1. I am so proud of you for doing the right thing even though it took some time to get there.

2. Please remember to stay strong, even if he comes back with a million promises.

3. Focus on yourself and your daughter right now, that is what is most important.

4. Things will get better, trust that and believe in it and take things one day at a time.

We are here if you need to talk. Best of luck!

Post # 116
Member
1889 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

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@Am I Naive: Good for you for standing up for yourself!  I think you’re right–the situation is so fresh right now that it’s making you sick, but once you step away from it (and he moves out) you’ll be able to calm down and see everything more clearly.  I am so glad you got out of this sad excuse for a relationship…he was basically using you for sex and the girlfriend/wife experience without actually being responsible, honest, hard-working, respectful, faithful, a good father figure, etc.  You (and your child) deserve better!

Post # 117
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@KoiKove: Your advice is something that every woman should really know & understand, and I couldn’t agree with you more.  Thank you for sharing such wise words of wisdom. 

 

 

Post # 118
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You need to move on and forget about it.

It’s hard, but you will get better.

Post # 119
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

View original reply
@Am I Naive:  I know that must have been really hard to do that, but I bet you feel at least a little better getting it off your chest.  I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this, & I feel your pain.  I’ve read the entire thread, and honestly doing what you did last night was the best thing you could of done.  If he doesn’t realize what he’s got after that convo then you can just move on with your daughter and forget about him.  Don’t ever let anyone take control of your emotions and make you feel that way.  I agree with all the fellow bees.  I’m just sorry this is happening to you.  If he realizes what he had, and it works out, it will.  If he doesn’t, then look at it like it was never really meant to be.  It will be hard, but you have all of us to talk too.  Message me if you need anything.  I’m new to this board, so these are actually the first comments I’ve ever written.  I hope you are okay. 

Post # 120
Member
4544 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Good for you for standing up for yourself! You deserve MUCH better for you and your daughter!

Post # 121
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

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@Am I Naive: Amen. I am so proud of you <3

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