Post # 1
I’m undercover because I have friends that use this site and know who I am. I don’t want them to know about Darling Husband and I TTC and the struggle I’m going through.
Darling Husband and I are going to begin TTC soon, like within the next month or so. He should be getting a promotion and a pay raise. We’ll probably be moving to a new city for him to get this. Here’s the dillemma I face. I have been unemployed for about a year now. Partly because I moved to a town (where Darling Husband lived prior to us getting married) where there is no real market for my job. Also partly because I spent time after graduating in the military and got 0 experience in my particular field. I have an engineering degree, but don’t have an EIT because I was focused on the military and figured I’d be spending 20 years in it. Unfortunately plans change, budgets are cut, and life in general throws your curveballs.
Now that we’re going to try to have a baby… I’m thinking, am I even cut out to work as an engineer? Should I just be a stay at home Mom? The original plan was for Darling Husband to stay at home while they were little (maybe work part time retail) because of the military or the potential to have a banging job in engineering. Now that plan is out the window. We still want someone to stay at home with the kids until they are at least in Elementary school. For us it isn’t practical to pay someone half of our pay to raise our children. So basically the job falls on me. Which I am VERY happy to do. I would love it.
I just don’t want to be judged. By the people I worked with previously and am still friends with. My friends from college, who thought I’d be a big shot by now. Are people going to judge me because I sit at home while my husband works? I used to hear it all the time. “Oh she doesn’t do anything, she just sits at home on her ass and ‘watches’ the kids” Are they going to think “Jeesh she threw away her education, she’s so smart, and now all she does is take care of her kids”
For what it’s worth, I know that staying at home and caring for your children is a hard job. It’s a lot of work, cleaning, cooking, making sure the kids are taken care of. I know I’d be happy doing it. Am I just too concerned with what other people think? Am I just throwing my education away?
For the record, we would still be comfortable on DH’s salary. We won’t be rich but I don’t really care about that, we’ll be comfortable. We’ll have food on the table, a good home, and so what if we take less family vacations that’s what backyard camping/visiting the Grandparents are for!
Post # 3
I hope you arent worried about what others think bc this is always a hot topic here on WB.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Do what is best for your family and stop worrying about what other people think about it. There are plenty of moms and dads that stay home to raise their children and there are plenty that work and make alternate arrangements for childcare. I personally think being a content Stay-At-Home Mom is more preferable to being a miserable unemployed or underemployed working mom. And I am someone who knows that I would go crazy being a Stay-At-Home Mom (tried it, felt like a fake June Cleaver, no thanks!)
People are going to judge you for being a Stay-At-Home Mom but they would also judge you for being a working mom. We are awful mothers for leaving our children in the care of others while we work to advance our careers and/or put food in their bellies and clothes on their backs. We are awful people because we gave up on our education and dreams to raise children. It’s a horrible double standard but as mothers we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t.
It sounds like being a Stay-At-Home Mom is the best thing for your family right now and you really shouldn’t give it another thought. If anyone makes a snarky remark about it you can tell them that children grow up so fast you didn’t want to miss a moment of it. When that fails remind them of the statistics of children who are abused and killed in daycares each year. Or you can can just tell them it’s none of their damn business and walk away.
Post # 5
@beachbride1216:Very true. A content sahm is better than an underemployed stressed out Mom. I also want to make sure you know that I in NO WAY judge other Mom’s for going to work. I completely understand some people just aren’t cut out for it or enjoy it.
I had always thought about being a Stay-At-Home Mom, even in MS and HS. Maybe this is just an offspringing of me being embarassed for being unemployed for so long? I mean I can’t even get hired as a cashier because I’m in a college town and no employer wants to hire someone for a job like that with a degree (the whole they think I’m just going to up and leave when something better comes along, which is true.. but unfair considering I’ve been jobless for a year now) Maybe it would feel better if I was choosing to leave a job to do this? I mean I am still techinically choosing to do it, I’m just choosing to no longer try to look for a job.
Post # 6
@anon_sahm2b: I always think that people who get to stay home with their children are very lucky.
Post # 7
I have been through this. I was always the top of my class and always felt I could do anything, always an over-achiever. Now, I have fully admitted and become who and what I am- I am an artist. It doesn’t exactly yeild the same results that other fields may. Honestly, you cannot care what anyone thinks, and that is a place you have to get to. How else can you be happy in life? Get to that place so you feel comfortable doing what is right for you.
Post # 8
Yes, don’t worry about other people. You will get judged for being a working mom, you will get judged for being a Stay-At-Home Mom. People are freaks. Do what works for YOUR family-screw everyone else.
Post # 9
Stay-At-Home Mom here. My baby is only a month old and this is already the hardest job I’ve ever had. There is NEVER a break and I have no one to hand the baby off to when he’s screaming for 5 hours straight (like last night) bc my Darling Husband works nights. My in laws think that I have it easy and don’t really get it. In my family, it’s common for moms to be sahm. I just ignore the judgement. We’re doing what we know is best for our family. It will be the hardest and most rewarding job you’ve ever had! Good luck!!!
Post # 10
I went to a top-5 college and have a Master’s degree and left my job to SAH with my son. Don’t regret it. I love staying home (technically I’m working part time, but it has nothing to do with my degree). Some day I may go back to work for real, get a PhD, who knows, but for now, this is the best choice for me and my family. I love getting to be such a big part of my son’s life. Great moms go to work, great moms stay home. People need to do what’s best for themselves.
Post # 11
unless you’re a civil engineer, the EIT is not required. I think you need to not worry about what other people think about you. Circumstances are there, and nobody can judge especially if they don’t know what you’ve been through and the curveballs life has thrown at you.
Post # 12
When your kids are older will you regret not staying home with them or will you regret not working? I am a stay at home mom and my own mother tells me how much she wishes she could have stayed home, she feels like she didn’t even get to see us grow up. I used to think a stay at home parent did nothing and how easy it would be. But It defiantly is challenging, I think much more emotionally than anything. And I can tell you now after being a Stay-At-Home Mom working was MUCH easier! But I love being a Stay-At-Home Mom I love that I will get to see my kids grow up. And that I don’t have to worry about what’s going on at daycare, who’s watching them, what/if their eating..
But I do have to say if your worried about what people will say now, it’s going to be so much harder on you if you choose to stay home.
So don’t worry what people say! People will judge you no matter what you do.
Post # 13
Just do what is best for you and your family. It was best in our situation for me to stay home for awhile. I get some judgement, but its from people I don’t usually care for anyway.
Post # 14
Will people judge/comment? Probably. Is it any of their business? No. Should it influence you? Absolutely not.
You should do what is right for you and your family/future family. People were always judge. If you worked full-time, people would probably make comments about having children when you don’t want to look after them, or not being able to make sacrifices, or being selfish; etc. You just have to ignore them.
FWIW, the only time I judge parents is if they are bad parents. And yes, I do judge women who post memes all over FaceBook about how tough motherhood is, yet are on FaceBook, posting pointless crap all. the. time. Otherwise, whether someone chooses to go back to work or be a stay at home mother is absolutely NONE of my business, and provided they are doing the best thing for them and their family, I am 100% supportive either way. I wish women would quit judging other women just because they make different choices to their own.
Post # 15
@anon_sahm2b: I can relate.. I often am way too concerned about what others think and I think it’s a bad trap to fall into. I wonder if part of your worry is because YOU think you’re throwing your education away, though. Staying at home is a huge decision, really… and not without risk.
I think that it would be smart to keep in touch with people who could help you get a job later on, stay as current as you can in the field.. like be a member of professional organizations etc., but if you’re out of the workforce 5+ years, you will definitely need to do some upgrading so keep that in mind. I don’t think it’s a bad decision to stay home while the kids are young, though.
If people do ask, you could just explain that plans change and you want to raise them yourself while they’re young. If they don’t understand, they’re probably not real friends anyway. You do have plans to get back into the workforce.. just not yet. Career isn’t everything. Your Darling Husband makes good money. Kids are only young once.
I found a graphic of a really good quote on Pinterest.. it definitely is a good reminder:
Post # 16
You also don’t have to be a Stay-At-Home Mom for forever. If people say something why not say “Ya I’m staying home with my kids because daycare is so expensive, etc..but I’m going back to work once they are in school.” (Even if you don’t, what are they going to say to that?)