Post # 1
Had this conversation today!
I got engaged in December 2012 at the age of 19. At that time, I had been with my SO since I was 15. I feel no need to justify getting engaged young. He was 21 when he proposed. I love him, he loves me, we’ll be a happy family!
So, a year has past, and I’m discussing my wedding plans, so on, and she says “you should wait until you’re 25.”
Her reasoning is logical, and it’s backed up by science; your brain isn’t fully matured until you are 25. Some mature slightly faster, or some take a bit longer, but it’s around the 25 mark.
I’m 21 this year, and I was hoping to be married towards the end of next year, so I’ll be 22 when I walk down the isle, but her opinion has made me question myself, which in return almost validates my question – am I too young to get married?
Post # 3
I’m getting married at 21 and have never questioned that it was the right decision for me and my FH. If your mother’s opinion can sway you that easily, then maybe you should extend your engagement another year or so.
Post # 4
@LeSpice: I think you are going to get answers on both ends of the spectrum. Personally, I would say wait but I am 29 and I know at 21 I was definitely not ready even though I had a long term boyfriend. However, there are quite a few younger brides on here and they will most likely tell you that you are ready. You have to go with your gut.
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I got married when I was 22 – he was even younger, 21. We were together for 3 years before we got married, but the marriage only lasted 6 months. People change SO much in their 20s. I would say DEFINITELY wait a few years…turning 21 can make people go haywire (not that it is a bad thing – just natural).
Post # 6
I dated a guy from the time I was 19 through 23 and thought for sure he was the one I wanted to marry.. until he wasn’t. Now I AM getting married to the right guy at age 33. Do I think now that I was too young to get married back then? Yes. But honestly, divorce happens no matter what age you get married. Is it less likely to happen if you marry later in life? Maybe, but there really are no guarantees.
Post # 7
No one can really decide that for you. For me personally, I was not ready to get married at 21. I was in the prime of my college life, partying, drinking, not having any responsibilities besides passing my classes and working during the summers. That’s definitely not someone who should be getting married. But, if you feel you’re ready, then by all means get married.
Post # 8
I was going to say that if you have to ask, you probably are. Then again, it sounds like you have some critical thinking skills since you’re wondering the same thing!
I always wonder what the rush is when people in their early 20s insist on getting married. I know some cultures do get married young, but I don’t think that just because it’s cultural, it’s a good idea.
Anyway, I don’t see the harm in extending your engagement a bit.
I always cringe a little when I see people getting married super young.. mostly because I imagine myself marrying the guy I was with at 21. Of course some marriages at that age work… others do not.
Many people who get married that age worry that they missed out on a lot of stuff. Like dating, the university experience (in some cases), traveling, living alone or with roommates, etc. Of course you can do some of this stuff with a husband. Just depends on what kind of person you are.
I got married at 28 which is old in some places, but about average where I live. I’m still one of the only married people in my main circle of friends who are my age. That might be a bit of an anomaly, though. I am glad that I was able to complete my degree, live alone, travel a bit, date, get established in my career, etc. before I got serious with a guy. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything and I enjoy the perks of being married… like being able to take better trips because we now have two incomes. I KNOW that I can take care of myself without a guy… that was quite empowering for me. I just prefer the perks of being in a couple, and I enjoy the companionship.
Post # 9
I just turned 25 and did I feel like now, all of a sudden, I was ready to get married in a way I wasn’t before? No. I knew I was ready at 23 or so. I definitely wasn’t ready to get married at 21.
Everyone is different and there is no “magical age” when it’s right to get married. If you think getting married is the right thing to do, then go for it. If you think it’s a good idea to wait, there’s nothing wrong with that either.
No one says you have to get married within a year or even 2 or 3 years of getting engaged. No one ever says they regret having a long engagement; plenty of people do regret getting married too young.
Post # 10
My mom gave me similar advice when I was 18 and told her I was getting married. By the time I was 22 I was divorced. I remarried at 25 to a wonderful man and the love and the relationship is much stronger and more mature than the previous relationship. Growing up EVERYONE said I was extremely mature for my age and I thought that meant I knew what I was doing but the difference between 21 and 25 mentally really is huge. You do a lot of growing and learning being out in the “real world” during this time, often growing apart from those you were close with. I also thought love was enough for a marriage and didn’t know that marriage takes real work and sacrifice. The decision is yours but you won’t regret waiting a few years, but you may regret getting married so young.
Post # 11
@LeSpice: I always think that if you have to ask then you probably are. Good luck!
Post # 12
@LeSpice: The difference between who you are, what you want, what you know and how you feel when you’re 19 and 25 is pretty huge. I would never have married my bf at 19 even though I was head over heels, this is the one, insanely happy with him. If we could freeze time and forever be in that life stage, maybe. But it eventually failed because we were headed in two different directions and evolving into two different people.
So, I personally don’t believe a 19 year old should get married, but I’m fine with being proven wrong (and I know there are couples who beat the odds, so for those out there ready to battle me, I KNOW).
Post # 13
@LeSpice: You say you wanted to get married next year…any reason why?
Are you trying to buy a house together or start having children? If not, then why rush it? I am not saying that everyone who gets married young is rushing, but I had 4 friends do it. 2 are already divorced 3 years later and 2 are happily married. What I heard from my friends who got married divorced (ETA) is that they wish they had waited.
Only you can decide what is best for you, but if you wait a few more years, will it have a negative impact on your life? If not, then why not wait?
Post # 14
I think you are too young; but do what you want. You are an adult and are able to make those decisions. But your mother is right and also the chances of divorce is greater.
Ughh I thought I was in love at 19 too… Thank God I didn’t get married to that guy.
I’m now 27 and look at my 19 year old self and say… Wow, you had a lot of growing to do.
Post # 15
It sounds like you are not sure, so the answer is yes.
Post # 16
I was the same ..at 19 I thought i wanted to marry the guy I was with…that would have been the worst decision of my life…I thought i was happy but i wasnt.. now im with an amazing guy and ill be getting married when im 25..its an individual matter…what works for some, may not work for others