(Closed) Am I too young to get married?

posted 7 years ago in 20 Something
  • poll: Is 22 too young to be married?

    Yes! Go with your mother's advice and wait until you're at least 25.

    No, get married when you feel you're ready to be married.

    Other - explain.

  • Post # 77
    Member
    996 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I got engaged at 18 and married at 19 but I never questioned if I was “the right age” to get married and I think if you have to, you are not mature enough to be getting married. I’m 24 now and don’t regret my choice at all because it was right for ME. I knew that being together with my now husband since I was fifteen years old had to mean something. We are perfect for each other and in my opinion if you have to ask a bunch of internet strangers if or if you should not get married, you are most certainly NOT ready to get married. You shouldn’t care what anyone else has to say if you are confident and mature enough to get married.

     

    Listen to your mother.

    Post # 78
    Member
    1124 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    @LeSpice:  if you are questioning being too young, then you are too young.  

    Post # 79
    Member
    982 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Yes. You won’t regret waiting a few years. You may very well regret not waiting.

     

    Post # 80
    Member
    663 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    No, 22 is not too young to get married. I am getting married at 22.

    I was 18 when we started dating and 20 when we got engaged.

    My Fiance is 30.

    Post # 81
    Member
    4027 posts
    Honey bee

    @LeSpice:  I started dating my now husband at 15 and he was 17. We just got married last August just before our 10 year anniversary. We got engaged the previous August on our 9 year anniversary. 

    Could we have got married earlier? Sure, but we intentionally chose not to. We wanted to wait until we both emotionally and financially stable. For us, that meant maturing, getting through college/grad school and working in our careers for a few years (3 1/2 years after graduating). At 25 and 27, we knew were more than ready and did not have a single doubt it.

    We grew up together, developed a strong relationship and supported each other through times where young couples can often grow apart (early 20’s, college, entering the workforce). 

    I have always believed that if you are certain he is the one, what is the harm in waiting? Especially at your age, is there a reason to rush? Is there harm in allowing yourselves to grow together for a little while longer and see how life goes as you mature, get through school and deal with the reality of work life? It is entirely up to you and your Fiance what you do, but the fact that you are critically thinking about this is a good sign that you are logically approaching the situation.

    Post # 82
    Member
    1632 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Unless you are planning to break the engagement and date other people your mother’s reason is not logical. You are in a committed relationship now. Married or Not. If she wants you to wait til 25 to get married for your  brain to develop she might as well suggest you wait until then to be in a long term relationship. Your commitment to your fiance right now is forever, isn’t it? What’s going to change in a few years? A break up vs divorce?

    If you’re old enough to get engaged you are old enough to decide when to get married.

    Post # 83
    Member
    1723 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @LeSpice:  my feeling towards this is… If you feel like you’re too young, then you should wait until your ready… But if you’re ready to be married than no one has the right to tell you otherwise. I have multiple friends that were married at 19-21. One of my friends married her middle school sweetheart! Ipersonally thinks it depends on ur mentality. The only one that ca truly know if ur ready is u

    Post # 84
    Member
    95 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @LeSpice:  You are old enough to get married.  The brain argument has to be the most ridiculous argument for not getting married that I have heard.  Your mom is trying to scare you, don’t be.  The only thing that matters is the love and friendship you share with your fiance.  I understand why this has made you scared as it’s coming from your mom.  I think it’s completely natural and parents have an ability to sow doubt in our minds.  She’s trying different things to stall you (she is most likely trying to protect you but this is your life and marriage and any decision you make will be yours). My Future Mother-In-Law married my Future Father-In-Law when she was 19. They have been married for over 30 years.  Plenty of couples marry before the age of 25.   

    Post # 85
    Member
    2226 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    Your timeline sounds like mine: I met my husband at 16, got engaged at 20, married at 22. I don’t think I was too young but if her opinion really makes you question it, maybe it’s a sign. :-/

    I really never questionned my decision and our family was 100% behind our marriage cause they could see how sincere our feeling for one another were. I knew after our first anniversary that we were going to be together for a very long time. We’ve been married for 2 years next week & its surreal how perfect everything has been. No regret here!

    Post # 86
    Member
    2120 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

    View original reply
    @LeSpice:  Without knowing you personally it’s hard to answer. I’d like to know your reasons for marrying. If you’re both thinking of buying a house/ttc in the next 2 years or so, then I’d go for it assuming you feel absolutely ready. And by ready I mean ready for the routine of married life after the wedding.

    If you’re just getting married just because you’ve been dating x no. of years and feel obligated because people keep asking, then you can afford to take your time, save up some more money and establish your footing in the big world a little longer as there’s really no hurry 🙂 Everyone’s different of course, but at 21 I wasn’t very good at time management and organizing things and was basically lazy(!); my last job really changed me and I’m using the skills I learned then to plan my wedding now now (I’m 26) 🙂

    Post # 87
    Member
    5890 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    View original reply
    @LeSpice:  Please take the PP who say they got married young and are still happyily married with a grain of salt. I dont doubt that they are, but unless they are 30-35, there is still a lot that can happen. I saw so many divorces from 23-28. Also, stories of grandparents that married at 16 and married for 70 years–sweet, but also a very, very different time.

    I’m 43. Every single person that I knew in HS and college that got married right out of HS or college are now all divorced (usually before age 25, but some a few years later, but def before 30). All the couples that I knew that started dating in HS or college, but waited until 25+ to get married are all still married–that means they are going on 15-20 years married (which I consider a sucess). 

    So much happens to you from 20-25. Being married adds a layer of stress and expectations that many young marriages just cant handle. Even if you are “soul mates” and he’s “the one” and are destin to be together forever. I’ve just seen good “perfect” relationships just crumble under the pressure of a young marriage.

    But the relationships that were just as good, but they waited–they had a little more flexibility and didnt have the same expectations. They some how were able to let each other grow and change (and not feel threatened when they did). It’s one thing to see your SO change into someone different when you arent sure if you are going to spend the rest of your life with them. They can try on different aspects of themselves–they can even become someone you dont like very much. But just as quickly, they can change again into someone you do like. Again, at this age you really are still trying to figure out who you really are without the confines of Parents, Schooling and friends (who you are around all the time). Once you and he have gone through all those changes and realize you still like/love/respect and want to be with that new person, that marriage will be strong. 

    But if you are married and that person starts to change into something you dont like–panic–OMG I’m stuck with this forever. It doesnt allow the person room to go through that phase, work through some sh** and come out the other side. You are so invested in that person becoming something very specific (that doesnt threaten the marriage) that it can really stifle growth and make people miserable (and lead to divorce).

    As an older Bee, I would listen to your parents–wait. 

     

     

    Post # 88
    Member
    132 posts
    Blushing bee

    Your brain actually is done maturing at age 19, the very front part that is involved in decision making. So there you are okay!  I dont know if this helps but Dr. Laura says that individuals make significant changes every 5 yrs. So if you have been together at least 5 yrs and have experienced those changes and grown past them smoothly, I would say you are ready, as long as you are capable of taking on the financial and emotional responsibilities that marriage brings.

    Post # 90
    Member
    3256 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @LeSpice:  My wife turned 23 last week … check back in 5 or 10 years and I’ll let you know how awesome it was 😛

    Post # 91
    Member
    766 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @LeSpice:  I’m 23 and my fiance is 25. By our wedding we will be 24 and 26. Like you, I often hear that I am a “young bride.” However, I am very secure in my relationship and decision to marry my fiance. I think my mother, although she loves my fiance, was a little bit skeptical at first when we got engaged because of my age. All of her concerns have been alleviated though, I think. We chose to do a long engagement; she saw my fiance support me as I worked through my master’s degree; and finally, we chose to live together before marriage. While many will say that living with your significant other before marrying them is a bad call, I think it really helped with my mom’s concerns. It’s one thing, I think, to just hang out with someone a few hours, go home at the end of the day, feel in love, etc. When you are with someone constantly, in good moments and in bad ones, for over a year you get a very good sense of who you will be spending the rest of your life with. We’ve enjoyed maintaining a home together, have been successful in dividing up responsibilities, and often discuss our future goals as a couple (house, king size bed, more pets, etc.) and feel that our relationship has only strengthened. 

     

    I don’t think there is any  harm in waiting if you have concerns about whether or not your engagement is a good idea at your age. I couldn’t recommend moving in together enough- it may give your mother some peace of mind and you some clarity. 

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