(Closed) Am I totally rude if I don't invite a friend's boyfriend?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you invite this guy?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 62
    Member
    592 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    OP your friend is a grown up she doesn’t need company to travel if she wants to attend your wedding. I flew from NY to Detroit without my then SO, now Darling Husband to attend a friend’s wedding. She in turn drove from Detroit to NY for mine without her husband 2 years later. You’re not breaking any ettiquette rules if you don’t invite him. Besides if you have space limitations and you can’t invite people you know, why would you invite this person over someone you actually know and want there. 

    Post # 63
    Member
    4655 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @tinypaws:  I stopped when I realized they’re not living together. I did have a B-list for non-cohabiting significant others, but the people involved were all close enough that I felt comfortable saying “if someone cancels I’ll let you know” to them.

    Post # 64
    Member
    22 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    You do not have to invite this guy. Ettiquette states that you do not have to invite ANY boyfriends or girlfriends who have been a part of your guest’s life for less than a year. With such an intimate wedding, do you really want some guy in the background of reception pictures who a. you have never met and b. you probably won’t remember in 10 years? 

     

    Just let your friend now that this is a very intimate gathering and space is limited. You wouldn’t want to exlude a different friend just so you can accomodate the boyfriend of another. I think a true friend would understand. Explain to her that if you had the room you would definitely invite him. 

     

    If your friend can’t travel alone, that is a personal issue. I can’t imagine not attending one of my closest friends weddings just because I had to go alone, but don’t be disappointed if she decides this isn’t something she wants to do. 

     

    The knot has a couple of good articles on trimming the guest list…

     

    http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-guests/qa/how-to-slim-down-the-guest-list.aspx

     

    Post # 65
    Member
    2679 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    @gelaine22:  exactly. I have previously declined invites to out of town weddings if I was not invited with a guest.

    Post # 66
    Member
    1309 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    No ring, no bring. Thats the traditional etiquette ( or rather, no ring-esque commitment).

    So no, you are NOT required to invite him, although if you can find the space it’s a nice gesture.

    I never brought my husband to a wedding while we were dating, and he never brought me. I certainly would never have traveled with him to attend a wedding, even if invited, due to the extra expense. An out of town wedding is not a semester of school. Your friend will not shrivel and die because she has to spend 3 hours watching a wedding ceremony, eating a free meal and dancing to some tunes without her bf sewn to her hip. 

     

    Post # 67
    Member
    11 posts
    Newbee

    What a hard question. 

    I just want to say one thing:  The notion that “you can invite whoever you want” is untrue and gross.  Even if it’s YOUR wedding, there are social rules.  And of COURSE, they are designed to make everyone happy, but it can be tricky, and that’s why etiquette rules exist, so we can refer to them.  Originated from some people who just seem to know.  The outdated ones fall away.  It is a hard fact that you have to invite a spouse.  It doesn’t matter if it’s YOUR wedding.  Just because you are the big bride, it doesn’t mean you can offend people.

    Okay, two things:  This idea of legitimate established relationship versus the beau or boyfriend or flavor of the month:  Well, inasmuch as people make their own decisions about their own relationships, that IS how we catalog each other.  Always has been.  There’s married, there’s engaged, there’s single.  Okay, fine, there’s boyfriend, but not really.  To a degree, you’re either engaged or you’re not.  The world isn’t required to know the levels and depths of your love.  And it’s sort of more respectable that way.  But the official status of engaged or married is a public statement that people will and should honor.  If you don’t, yourself, care about official status or matrimony and live together in a fog of indecision, others aren’t required to dive into that and disect it.  Or respect it.  The respectable, God-fearing, community minded, family caring, relationship caring, tradition, is marriage.  (Not to say single that is dishonorable at all) If that doesn’t mean much to you, maybe you’re on your own.  You can’t expect others to rally around you and have compassion on you, and wrack their brains over whether to invite your man.  Your boyfriend is officially, officially, a separate entity from you.  That’s why a bride doesn’t have to invite someone they don’t know.  It’s just some person.  The idea of photos with “some old boyfriend” seem so wierd to me.  I guess, I’ve made my decision — you don’t have to invite him.  I just wanted to get the point out that established, official relationships matter and are honored in society.  It’s not a free for all.

    Post # 68
    Member
    449 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    While I wouldn’t want to travel that far alone.. if they were only dating a few months and have broken up even in that small time, I don’t personally feel it is such a DEEP relationship that they cannot be apart for her to go to your wedding and return home to him. SO I voted “no”.

    Post # 69
    Member
    294 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2019

    I don’t see the problem if they have been dating for less then eight months that you should not have to invite a person’s girl/boyfriend.  However if your friend was dating her other half for over a year or even four years then you should invite them.  

    They are a couple,  they don’t need to be seperated.

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