(Closed) am i ungrateful?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
3449 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Nona99:  +1 that’s precisely what I would do.

“Hey, I want to thank you so much for your contribution. It’s really appreciated! I understand you weren’t able to give the full amount you promised earlier, and that’s totally fine, but I was just wondering how you’d like to handle the guest list. You see, we invited (state a number of people or name guests specifically) because we thought your contribution would cover them, but now someone will need to contact them and let them know we’re no longer able to host them. Would you let me know after you’ve spoken with them? Hey, I gotta run, but I’ll be listening out for your call ok? Thxbye!”

Post # 19
Member
47252 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The extra guests that they wanted should be made to know that the reason they have now been uninvited is because monies that were promised were never received


Wishful thinking, but we know that most of us would ever do that.

 

@bretonvirgniia:  I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. It is such mean-spirited behavior of the parents to allow you to go ahead and make plans based on your budget which included a specific sum of money from them.

Can you put the extra on a credit card, or ask your parents for a loan? Is there anything you can cancel or scale back on? Can either, or both of you take on extra work?

Post # 20
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

No, you’re not being ungrateful. They asked you to invite more people and offered to chip in. I guess if I were in your situation I’d take out a small loan to cover my vendor fees and ask the in-laws how they were going to pay me back. 

Post # 23
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@bretonvirgniia:  I think you and your fiancé need to speak to both of them and make it clear that back when YOU were budgeting, you listened to their concerns, attempted to accommodate their wishes for your day, and were grateful, if not hesitant, to accept their help. Now, it’s payday, and let them know what kind of jam you’re facing because they’ve backed down. And when I say you and your fiancé talk to them, both of you be present, but your fiancé really needs to take the lead here. 

I don’t think you’re being ungrateful at all. Seems to me you’re really getting a hatchett job!

 🙁 I’m so very sorry! 

Post # 25
Member
2780 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@bretonvirgniia:  I would be pissed. That’s completely rude of them to insist on your wedding being larger, promising a set amount of support to accommodate their request and bailing on that promise. 

Eta: hopefully your invites haven’t gone out early and you can adjust the guestlist to accomodate this shortage of funds. Otherwise, see what you can cancel or adjust to be at a lower cost then planned. 

Post # 26
Member
11268 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@bretonvirgniia:  unfortunately this is not the first time that i’ve heard of this same scenario.  it’s ashame that parents make hollow promises but it is what it is.  in hindsight you should have asked for the money upfront.  the ol’ don’t spend it until you have it rule.

hopefully your fi will be able to speak to his parents about this.  in the meantime, i would be seriously looking at where you could cut back on the wedding.  have a friend bake your cake, ipod over dj, omit the favours, cash bar vs open bar, fewer flowers and less decor.  just some ideas; i know the bees will have more.

Post # 28
Member
8036 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@bretonvirgniia:  Is it too late to cancel stuff? Like you’ll lose $$ on deposits, but being in debt is worse, no?

At this point I’d be so pissed off that I wouldn’t want to host a wedding for these people.

Post # 29
Member
1720 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

O I would be so mad! I sure hope they pony up the cash or at least don’t give a big stink about your given options.  Good luck!!!

Post # 31
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Nona99:  +1000

Tell them that you can’t afford the guests – same thing you told them before – so they will need to call them and uninvite them.

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