(Closed) am i ungrateful?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
11268 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@bretonvirgniia:  is it possible to borrow the $1500 from your parents and offer to pay them back weekly/monthly or with the money you get from your wedding?

Post # 35
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

No, you’re definitely not ungrateful. You’re justified in being upset, considering they left you hanging in a very serious way. They’ve now put you in a really bad position, where you either have to sacrifice for the money, confront the guests yourselves, or confront them to contact the guests.

A wedding is stressful enough, without someone foisting that decision upon you. If they made a promise, ESPECIALLY where guests are concerned, they should keep it.

Post # 37
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Ugh, that’s awful. I’m glad your fiance is sending that email. They need a wake up call that you booked things based on their promised funds and they can’t just pull them now. I hope they see the light.

Post # 38
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@bretonvirgniia:  Honestly, I would say something to FI’s parents.  Some bees will tell you that you shouldn’t have committed to costs you couldn’t actually cover yourself; however, I think in this case they backed you into a very difficult decision and promised to come through and help.  If you now don’t have the money to cover what FI’s parents said they would pay for–you tell them that they either have to pay up or uninvite some of their added guests.

Post # 39
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly, I would charge it on a credit card and pay it back with money I get from the gifts. 

Post # 40
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@bretonvirgniia:  Of course you are not being ungrateful. If it were me, I’d most definitely give them a ring and say “YOU need to contact these people.”

Post # 42
Member
10363 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Some vendors are flexible if you ask them about a payment plan. Or, is a 0% APR credit card a possibility? Maybe try and apply for one, and use it to pay a vendor that accepts credit cards, or use it for daily expenses and slide that $$ over to a vendor payment? Sucks, I know, but desperate times and all.

I bet 100% of the guests won’t come, either, and that should lighten the load a bit!

Post # 43
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Can you go back to the caterer and discuss the situation and pick a lower package deal? If lower package deals aren’t part of their normal menu, you may still be able to negotiate something.
Cancel the DJ or band and switch to a pre-programmed i-pod.
Cancel rehearsal dinner or change to pot luck
Do homemade gifts for attendants and parents instead of purchased gifts
What about your ‘look’ can be scaled back? Cheaper veil, cheaper seamstress, shoes and jewlery you already have, can a friend do your hair/make up?

I’m sure many of the above is already happening, but I just wanted to toss it out there, because honestly, it is great to say you will uninvite guests, but in reality that probably won’t happen (you seem like too classy of a lady).

Your FI’s message is great and to the point. I really hope they are able to come through for you.

Post # 45
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh dear, I’m so sorry! To answer your question, no, you are not being ungrateful. Someone made a promise and they went back on it.

Post # 46
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@bretonvirgniia:  That’s terrible 🙁 My bfs family is sort of the same, unreliable an unsupportive, while my parents are straight up offering to pay for everything regarless of their contributions BECAUSE they are unreliable. If they contribute, awesome, but we aren’t going to count on it.

I’m glad your fiance is comfortable and assertive enough to send that email! I really hope they end up coming through. It would be so sad to have to cancel the wedding, I know you have put a ton of work and planning into it 🙁 Good luck, keep us posted!

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