(Closed) am i ungrateful?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
Member
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@bretonvirgniia:  our parents (2 of 4) did this to us too. :/ my mom decided she didn’t like her job any more, so she quit (her words), and decided not to give us the $2,000 promised…and his dad has promised $3,000 but never made good on it. we’re having to take on debt to pay our vendors, and it is very saddening. so i understand where you’re coming from. those are the only words i have, unfortunately. ๐Ÿ™

Post # 48
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

So sorry you’re dealing with this. My dad backed out 2 weeks before we owed our venue $6,000. It was not a good situation.

I would honestly just charge it if you can… it’s absurd to have to cancel a wedding because 2 people decided to be douchenozzles. 

And, for the record, you are NOT being ungrateful at all. You were hoping people would abide by their word.

Post # 50
Member
12472 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

You can’t retract some invitations and not others.  That would be as unfortunate as what your future in-laws are  doing.     Your only options are to cancel the whole thing and start from scratch, elope,  do an immediate family only wedding,  scale down expenses and  pay on a credit card, or take a loan from parents etc. as suggested.  If this is not due to unforseen circumstances, it does totally stink that they did this to you and you have every right to be upset.   

The father is obviously  feeling slighted, so this is apparently not coming out of nowhere for him.   Is it possible to  smooth things over there or at least to acknowledge how he might be feeling?  Maybe he’d come around. What’s the mom’s reason? 

Are you willing to forgo the shower?  As I have  mentioned here, immediate family aren’t even supposed to host showers since it looks as if they are soliciting gifts for their own.   That gets your mom off the hook easily.  You are  justified  to  be annoyed at your Future Mother-In-Law for not keeping her promises, but a shower  is one thing where you are off base in expectations.   But it would be $500 saved, if it’s something your parents would be willing to put toward  your wedding, instead. 

Post # 51
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

No you are not being ungrateful. What they are doing is wrong. I really hope it works out and your Fiance is able to talk some sense into them. Good luck.

Post # 53
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Nona99:  Exactly what I was thinking!

Post # 54
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Un inviting his family seems just as gauche, and possibly more, than what your fh’s parents are doing. To me it’s not really an option. Maybe you’ll have to charge it if talking to them doesn’t help

Post # 55
Member
12472 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@bretonvirgniia: 

 To have family host has  traditionally been seen as a faux pas because it’s  as if the family is asking for gifts.  The premise is that a  friend doesn’t benefit either directly or indirectly.

http://articles.washingtonpost.com/2012-07-16/lifestyle/35487670_1_baby-shower-bridesmaids-parties

http://living.msn.com/life-inspired/miss-manners-advice/miss-manners-destination-weddings-and-bridal-showers

http://articles.washingtonpost.com/2011-10-18/lifestyle/35276703_1_shower-miss-manners-house-guests

Post # 57
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@bretonvirgniia:  We put $5000 on an interest free for one year credit card and have been paying it back since.  Look into that option, for only $1500 it would be a good one and you’d have months to pay it back with no interest. 

I understand you’re pissed about his parents going back on their agreement (I would be too), but this is a feasible option! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 58
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee

I’m so sorry you and your fi are in this position. Frown

I think the email your fiance wrote is perfectly justifiable. Make sure he follows up with the phone call tonight or asap. What vendors do you have left to pay or is this all for the caterer/venue that the $1600 deficit is to go to? Just wondering if there is any way you could ask a family member for a short loan to help if your FI’s parents don’t come up with the cash..

Sadly, I’ve been there as well. Though not in a position where anyone had been invited yet, we were at the point where we were *days away* from mailing out save the dates when my dad called asking if we could cancel the wedding because my parents were separating/divorcing. Worst timing ever. My fiance and I lost a little under a grand in our own deposits as well as $5500 of my parents’ money because they forced us to cancel with the (all inclusive) venue. It was shitty and still is when I think about it. 

 

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