(Closed) am i ungrateful?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 62
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Oh, honey, you’re not ungrateful at all.  It’s his parents that epically fail at life.

I think your best move at this point is just to see how the talk goes tonight.  Maybe your Fiance should bring up that there’s no where to cut costs except my cutting guests, including those guests that they wanted to invite.  (You don’t necessarily have to say you’ll only be cutting guests from his side, just that guests may have to be cut.)  At this point, they’ll either say, OK, cut them (in which case you need a new plan of action- maybe asking them how they’d handle it, ha), or they’ll give you the money.

If you’re right and his family doesn’t really care, then hopefully they’ll RSVP, or won’t even RSVP at all, in which case you count that as no, and if they show up… Oh, so sorry, we never got your reply.

Post # 63
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m glad your Fiance is totally backing you on this! I’d be inclined to agree with a PP who suggested getting them to call around all of the guests that will need to be uninvited. However, I know that this really isn’t the easiest or least confrontational option…

I was going to suggest the things that you’ve already said aren’t feasible unfortunately. I hope you get this sorted though!

Post # 64
Member
12292 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@Atalanta:  In my area, people go to great lengths to make it “appear” as if it’s a friend hosting, when it’s really being funded by the parents.  It seems to be common wisdom around here.   I skipped the whole thing, but am happy to attend whatever and wherever.

 @bretonvirgniia:  Do you have any idea what your FMIL’s reason for reneging on her end of it or was she supposed to be a package deal with your FFIL? 

Post # 66
Member
1720 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@bretonvirgniia: O wow that is messed up!!! I’m so sorry, I sure hope you’re able to figure something out something quick.  

Post # 67
Member
12292 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@bretonvirgniia:  That’s just awful.  Some way to start off a relationship with a new daugher-in-law. 

Post # 68
Member
12246 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@bretonvirgniia:  That is SO obnoxious of FMIL! I’m so sorry!

Maybe a bunch of people will RSVP no…

Post # 69
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@weddingmaven:  People be crazy OP’s Future Mother-In-Law included.

Post # 70
Member
1768 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@Nona99:  +100

 

Post # 71
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@bretonvirgniia:  Oh my gosh… Okay I could see her saying that to Future Father-In-Law but she should have told YOU the correct number.  Has Fiance talked to his dad? 

Post # 72
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Just be honest and tell them you are hurt. Tell them you made the decision to invite more guests based on the money they vouched they would pay. I don’t think you are ungrateful.

Post # 73
Member
1397 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@bretonvirgniia:  How terribly manipulative of your FMIL! Awkward. Maybe you should uninvite HER haha.

Post # 74
Member
5188 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@bretonvirgniia:  yikes! Make it very obvious that you’re in distress the next time you see them and when they ask what’s wrong tell them that you are in debt and cannot pay your vendors. Also say that you are panning to un-invite people on their behalf.

Post # 75
Member
2553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@bretonvirgniia:  I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.  My advice is to stay as far from the situation as humanly possible.  This is FI’s family, he needs to handle it on his own.  And it sounds like he is, you’ve got a good one to step up!  It’s tricky enough joining a family without having to settle financial disputes a few months before, best to let him handle the ugliness.  They’re his parents so they’re contractually obligated to love him 😉 and you don’t want to feel bitter around them either (good luck with that one…what they did genuinely sucks) so I’d recommend clearing your mind of the situation as best you can until it’s resolved.

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