Post # 62
Oh, honey, you’re not ungrateful at all. It’s his parents that epically fail at life.
I think your best move at this point is just to see how the talk goes tonight. Maybe your Fiance should bring up that there’s no where to cut costs except my cutting guests, including those guests that they wanted to invite. (You don’t necessarily have to say you’ll only be cutting guests from his side, just that guests may have to be cut.) At this point, they’ll either say, OK, cut them (in which case you need a new plan of action- maybe asking them how they’d handle it, ha), or they’ll give you the money.
If you’re right and his family doesn’t really care, then hopefully they’ll RSVP, or won’t even RSVP at all, in which case you count that as no, and if they show up… Oh, so sorry, we never got your reply.
Post # 63
I’m glad your Fiance is totally backing you on this! I’d be inclined to agree with a PP who suggested getting them to call around all of the guests that will need to be uninvited. However, I know that this really isn’t the easiest or least confrontational option…
I was going to suggest the things that you’ve already said aren’t feasible unfortunately. I hope you get this sorted though!
Post # 64
@Atalanta: In my area, people go to great lengths to make it “appear” as if it’s a friend hosting, when it’s really being funded by the parents. It seems to be common wisdom around here. I skipped the whole thing, but am happy to attend whatever and wherever.
@bretonvirgniia: Do you have any idea what your FMIL’s reason for reneging on her end of it or was she supposed to be a package deal with your FFIL?
Post # 65
@weddingmaven: i found out WHY and it’s so messed up. She only said she was giving $xxx to try to get my fi’s dad to give the same amount apparently…so she tells us…. when all along it was less. (in her mind anyways, she never told anyone this)
so basically she lied to try to get my Future Father-In-Law to give MORE and that backfired and then she backed out of her end of the bargain. pretty shitty.
Post # 66
@bretonvirgniia: O wow that is messed up!!! I’m so sorry, I sure hope you’re able to figure something out something quick.
Post # 67
@bretonvirgniia: That’s just awful. Some way to start off a relationship with a new daugher-in-law.
Post # 68
@bretonvirgniia: That is SO obnoxious of FMIL! I’m so sorry!
Maybe a bunch of people will RSVP no…
Post # 69
@weddingmaven: People be crazy OP’s Future Mother-In-Law included.
Post # 71
@bretonvirgniia: Oh my gosh… Okay I could see her saying that to Future Father-In-Law but she should have told YOU the correct number. Has Fiance talked to his dad?
Post # 72
Just be honest and tell them you are hurt. Tell them you made the decision to invite more guests based on the money they vouched they would pay. I don’t think you are ungrateful.
Post # 73
@bretonvirgniia: How terribly manipulative of your FMIL! Awkward. Maybe you should uninvite HER haha.
Post # 74
@bretonvirgniia: yikes! Make it very obvious that you’re in distress the next time you see them and when they ask what’s wrong tell them that you are in debt and cannot pay your vendors. Also say that you are panning to un-invite people on their behalf.
Post # 75
@bretonvirgniia: I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. My advice is to stay as far from the situation as humanly possible. This is FI’s family, he needs to handle it on his own. And it sounds like he is, you’ve got a good one to step up! It’s tricky enough joining a family without having to settle financial disputes a few months before, best to let him handle the ugliness. They’re his parents so they’re contractually obligated to love him 😉 and you don’t want to feel bitter around them either (good luck with that one…what they did genuinely sucks) so I’d recommend clearing your mind of the situation as best you can until it’s resolved.