Post # 16
I don’t think anyone is trying to pretend that they know your situation or are casting judgment. For bees that have been around here a while or who have once been in waiting, this all seems so familiar. Excitement in waiting for a proposal can easily turn to resentment. That’s why the key advice you’re getting is to solidify your plans and make that timeline.
I don’t think that men intentionally lead women on or dangle a proposal. However, society still conflates marriage with a woman’s worth yet men have little use for getting married anymore. We sleep with them, live with them, financially intertwine our lives and some even have babies with their boyfriends, all before marriage. The urgency to propose for men is not there. A married man holds no more value than a single man. A married woman, however… Much more prefered in society. You can have it all. The house, the kids, the job, your partner… If you’re an unmarried woman, society acts like you’re just playing house. Men really have no clue. So when we start getting anxious about that proposal they think we’re crazy. And we are. But we’ve been made that way.
Post # 17
curliequeue : I should have made my post a bit clearer, and for that I apologize. I really wasn’t referring to your particular situation, which as you say, I know very little about. I was referring to many of the sad cases we see here all the time. The words “soon” and “I have a plan” figure prominently in these stories, so that is why I was talking about them. I truly hope that you have the proposal of your dreams.
Also, the way you disagreed with me was very measured and respectful. We could use more of that here, so I hope you will stick around for a while.
Post # 18
I completely understand that! I know there have been a wide range of different stories from many bees on here. I also like to believe that everyone on this forum is trying to be genuinely helpful and thoughtful. I don’t mind someone having a different opinion than me as long as everyone is respectful about it.
I also would like to add that we had another conversation about our timeline and I have been assured that “soon” means a proposal will be happening in the next 3 months at the latest. I feel a lot more at ease now- and more excited too!
Post # 19
IMO I don’t consider “soon” an adequate answer to consider oneself waiting… it’s more like hoping. With a timeline howver, I’d say now you are officially waiting.
Post # 20
Yes l think with three months you can say officially waiting . I still prefer to think of it as BOTH parties officially , idk, preparing? I guess l am just constitutionally opposed to the idea of passivity in women and agency in men regarding these things. Or indeed most things, our freedoms have been too hardly won and so many women in the world are utterly without any agency, that hearing of free, intelligent educated young women choosing passivity sets me off…..
l wish you very well anyway.