Post # 1
The plot thickens…….please be frank with me waiting bees…..I think that I’m doing what’s right for me by waiting…..and so does my family and church community…..but something that Shutterbug said reminded me of Mr. Bee’s plan….which I’ve implemented to interesting results. I just need opinions and feedback on the situation.
Shutterbug and I met in October of 2009, began dating in December 2009, officially became a couple in June of 2010….and he dumped me right before last Christmas saying that we might get back together in the future and that nothing will change between us, except the romance.
On NYE we began a FWB relationship that was exactly like what we had before. Minus the title of “BF” or “GF”. I told him that I was still sure that he was the one, and that I’d wait forever for him. Everyone (except his family and my Mother) insisted that he was my Boyfriend or Best Friend. He went as my date to every major event in my life (Balls, government luncheons, ectera) and played the complete Father role with my three year old from my previous marriage.Slept over all of the time….ectera.
I thought that everything was hunky dory until last Wednesday when he told me after some prompting that we were not dating, that we needed to stop sleepovers and doing the deed for awhile, and that I was getting way into his personal life. He said “You act like we’re on a date everytime we go somewhere, like I’m your man. We’re just friends! You keep holding out for the happy marriage and picket fence and kids life and you need to live your own life! I need space! If you keep acting like this for the next two months, we’ll have to break off the friendship for awhile.”
So, I did. I didn’t call him and got involved in personal activities. On Sunday night, he called me asking what time he needed to be at my house to pick up my daughter from her Dad’s house and if I’d found a job yet. He called when a very interesting TV show had just come on and while we talked of small things for ten minutes , I excused myself from the conversation and went back to watching TV.
I’ve never done that before.
So….am I waiting….or am I delusional?
Post # 3
Both? You’re waiting for a delusion.
He has out right said he doesn’t want to be with you – there is ZERO indication that he wants to marry you and be a real father to your little girl. Someone who is there sporadically for you isn’t a life partner. You shouldn’t settle for someone who is fickle like this – he doesn’t even know what he wants and he’s toying with you because it’s easy. Probably gives him what he needs in a sense of stability and security when he needs it and then when he’s done with that he leaves.
Post # 4
@wolfpackforever: You are not delusional because you want something he cannot give. But you are not “waiting”either. He is using you and is not worth your time. He won’t even consider you his girlfriend, if I read you post right, which is really disrespectful. Stop taking his calls, do NOT sleep with him or even stay “friends”. Be nice but move on and find someone worthy of your love. The sooner you cut him loose the better. Good luck:)
Oh, and make sure delete ALL his contact info out of your phone/facebook/email so you are not tempted to contact him.
Post # 5
He’s told you what he is thinking. He’s not your boyfriend in his eyes, and you should not be his girlfriend.
You need to move on.
Post # 6
HE wants all the benefits and none of the responsibilities of a relationship with you. Think if this relationship is the sort of example you want to set for your child. From here, it looks like he is a waste of your time.
Post # 7
Thanks for the kick in the pants.
If and when (he will….he’s the only person in my life who is willing to drive the 110 mile round trip to pick my daughter from her Dad’s each week, as I don’t have a license or a car….working on both….my ExH doesn’t drive either…long story.) he calls, should I just treat him as someone that I know, but leave it at that. If he asks why I’m behaving this way, what should I say? ‘I’m just living my life’, sounds like a good answer to me.
Post # 8
Delusional dear. He doesn’t want a relationship with you. He just wants to have sex and continue the friendship. He’s one of those guys that doesn’t think you’re good enough, so he’s still looking. You deserve way better than this dude. Cut it off and move on.
Post # 9
you need to move on. this guy is going to break your heart and he obviously does not want what you want. stop wasting your time….
good luck honey
Post # 10
@wolfpackforever: dont answer his calls and dont let him pick up your daughter….you need to cut him out of your life to get over him
Post # 11
I wouldn’t even be “friends” with this guy. What kind of friend treats someone like an overgrown masturbatory aid? No thanks.
Post # 12
@wolfpackforever: When he calls just tell him that you’ve realized that you two want different things and that you’re not going to be able to see him anymore. You could add something about if he comes around to your way of thinking, and is ready to respect you and he desires a future with you, you may still be around – or not.
Sorry, but I too agree that he’s not good enough for you. You want a husband and someone to spend your life with. He is clearly not that (at least at this pont). And he is just using you, and you are letting him.
Good luck & Hugs!
Post # 13
@wolfpackforever: You really should not allow him to pick up your daughter anymore- honestly, thats his way of keep being in your life, but not in his. I understand that it means alot to you, but look at it this way- does he really deserve the right to act like a dad to your daughter and what not, when he will never be that for her? Its totally unfair to her as well because she has this man in her life that honestly doesnt want to be with her mother, and thus it probably really confusing for her. This man said point blank that he doesnt want to be with you, and that there is no future between you. You do not sleep with friends, and you dont do all the things you were doing with friends- it just doesnt make sense. You arent waiting as well because he hasnt even mentioned the idea of marriage or a future in a positive light. I think you need to distance yourself from this man so you can emotional detach enough and have him out of your life enough that you can move on to an actual relationship with someone you have a future with. Only then, with that distance can you possible retry for a friendship…because this arrangement is unfair to you and your daughter in everyway. He’s completely using you for his own needs, while stringing you and your daughter along. I think all you have to say is “I need some alone time to myself to figure out what I want out of my life, and grow as a person and in order to do that I think we need to stop talking for a while, or I need distance from you” You dont need to justify yourself to this man, mostly because honestly? He’s totally taking advantage of you, and I feel almost using your daughter to get to you as well- I know how much that must mean to you emotionally, that he would help out like that, but I think its totally manipulative. I really think you need some healthy distance from him.
Post # 14
What’s that saying? When people tell you who they are, you need to listen? Something like that. He’s telling you straight up he doesn’t want to be with you that way. Yes, then he’s confusing the message, but why the hell would you want to be with someone so wishy washy over you? Screw that. Move on! There is a better guy out there.
I also have to say… I’d be more careful with that daughter of mine too. I would not be letting some wishy washy guy play the “complete father role” to her. You need to vet people better than this.
Post # 15
@wolfpackforever: Okay, I don’t want to sound harsh in any way, as I understand it must have really hurt to actually hear those words come from his mouth.
However, I wholeheartedly agree with the PPs. You need to stop seeing this man. ASAP. Yes, it will be hard, because this has gone on for a while… but frankly, it has to be done. This treatment has to stop.
Think of your child. Use your daughter as inspiration. Believe me, coming from someone who watched her mother go through terrible, disrespectful relationships… you don’t want this for your baby. I don’t care if this guy drives across the flippin’ country to pick up/drop off your daughter. He is not the example you want her seeing as a father figure. Or even a male figure in general. He is disrespectful. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself and getting what he wants.
And even more than that, for the sake of your daughter’s future relationships, you don’t want her seeing him treat you this way and thinking that’s how relationships are. Trust me, there are tons of men out there who wouldn’t even dream of treating a woman this way. There are men out there who WANT to be in relationships, who WANT to fall in love and who WANT to get married.
Please, not just for your own peace of mind, self-esteem, and sanity… but also for your daughter’s… say goodbye to this guy.
We’re all here for you. *HUGS*
Post # 16
Delusional. 🙁 Sorry. He is being honst and he clearly doesn’t want a relationship (just the benefits when he feels like it). Get out. You and your kids deserve more!!