- 5 years ago
Okay, how many of you out there are total overanalysts like me? If I had a nickel for every thought…
Anyway, I need some insight on this. I have been trying to understand this situation for a few weeks now and I think I can officially deem myself “waiting.”
Last month, SO and I went to dinner with some of his family friends, one of whom has two children. Those children kept asking us if we were engaged, to which we replied, red-faced, no. On our way home we discussed it, and he asked me, “If I asked you right now, $3,000 or $8 ring in hand, would you say yes?” I said yes, because I feel confident about our relationship and I think that we have reached a point where we openly express our commitment to each other and our willingness to work and keep the positive, incredible relationship that we have. We have talked about it before and he doesn’t shy away from the idea, but rather embraces it. I asked him what he felt about my response and he said, because we were both interested in graduate schools, that he didn’t want to be engaged for 3+ years because he would get antsy. I thought, okay, I can dig that response, and moved on.
This past weekend we had an emotional disagreement, both of us were upset for various reasons but couldn’t talk it out in person. (We are currently long distance, By The Way.) Sunday he brought up an idea that requires a lot of thought and support for each other. It’s a totally different story, but the point is that it could change the trajectory of our futures, but we would still be getting things we wanted, reaching our individual and shared goals, etc, and it would potentially end our long-distance state. It isn’t a very developed idea yet because we are both waiting to hear back from schools, and waiting to talk to people, things like that, before we make any decisions.
It’s a lot to think about, but he reiterated the talk I mentioned earlier, and said that if he still asked, would I still say yes? I said yes of course, because I do love him, I mean, we both love each other so much, but just because we have a disagreement doesn’t really change how I ultimately feel.
So last night I asked him what HIS thoughts were on my response, on the fact that I feel “ready” to take that next step with him, because he was kind of silent about it. He said that he doesn’t feel like he is currently in the same place, but getting there. As in he isn’t saying “I don’t want to,” but rather “I’m just a couple of steps behind you.” He says he could definitely see it for us and hopes that we get to that point. He stated that he moves slower emotionally than I do, which I knew going in to our relationship. The disagreement we had made him put up some emotional guards, but he said that after the talks we’ve had in the last couple of days, he feels a lot better and stronger in our relationship.
I expressed that it makes me uncomfortable being at the point where I say I’m ready, but he isn’t. Of course, I’m not looking to get hurt. I’m also not looking to be the one to hurt. He said it makes him feel good that I’m at that point, and he doesn’t want me to back down with how I feel because being positive and loving together is only helping how he feels about me in that sense.
We still have things to sort out, but I think because I very overtly stated that I am ready for it, and he knows it, and is getting to that point, that I would consider myself waiting. He didn’t seem put off or uncomfortable by it, more like he expected it. I know he wants to feel 100% sure before anything happens and I completely understand it and respect that mindset. We joke to each other about being married often, and I think we both believe it will happen, but we didn’t reach the “I am ready” level together. He knows I am not in any way trying to put pressure on him by being where I am now emotionally.
So, what do you guys think? Is this just a conversation between the two of us that is helping to develop our relationship further, or do you think it was more of an official “laying-out” of feelings and expectations, and that those expectations will be fulfilled? Also, if it is waiting, how do I get through it? And how should I move forward knowing that I am very vulnerable emotionally? Thank you!