Post # 1
I am 26 and have dated the most amazing guy for 10 months (which I know is no length of time).
I am not easy to deal with and admittedly have looked in jewellery store windows and additionally have made it clear if there’s not a ring by 2 year mark then that’s it- a bad rule but one that has worked for countless friends! Although quite a few have been around the year mark lately for getting engaged.
On Friday we were going along the coast and on the way back HE suggested we should stop in the grand estate near where we met and enquire about wedding packages. I was stunned. We went inside and rather fortunately there was a wedding being set up for the following day. It only does 20 weddings a year so is a rather different location.
He took my planner yesterday and was nosey about dates etc and he said there was going to be some good surprises this summer. I really don’t want to get my hopes up but….
Could I be optimistic?
Post # 2
First of all congrats! It sounds like he is up to something for sure. When is the last time you brought up getting married?
Post # 3
Definitely sounds like it! Exciting times! 🙂 Fiance and I started thinking about marriage early on, but only looked at rings last October – got engaged this March!
Post # 4
becks90: why wouldn’t you just ask him and have a conversation about when he sees himself getting engaged to you?
Also, call me unromantic, but before “hoping” about anything, i would want to seriously discuss the realities that make or break a marriage and make sure you were on the same page. If you were “stunned” by him making that suggestion it makes me think you may not have addressed a lot of those things yet.
Things like where you will live, if/when you each would want to have children, where each of you see yourselves being in 5 years, 10 years etc career/location wise, how you would manage finances together once married, whether either of you has an debts or legal issues the other should know about, whether or not you are on the same page with religious views and how hypothetical children would be raised, how involved you want your families to be in your post-married lives and whether you each get along with the others family, how you would handle and aging or ill parent – do they move in with you? Does one for you become a caretaker? What are your short and long term financial goals if any for owning property, retirement, starting a business, staying at home with kids….etc etc.
Hypothetically discussing wedding packages a whim is really fun and exciting but until all of those sort of things are covered I personally wouldn’t want to toy around with the fun stuff. Discussing those “real” sort of topics is how you REALLY know if you have found the right person and you are ready to marry eachother.
Now if you have already talked through all those things – then awesome! Time to ask him to clarify what he means by these comments so you know whether to get excited about starting the next chapter or not!
Post # 5
polyblonde: Amen. It’s easy to lose sight of what marriage is really about when you’re so focused on a proposal.
Post # 6
greybee: He’s up to more things and mentioned some card that he has to buy something to go with it. I’m really confused. I stopped even looking at rings in April so I’m giving him a breather and shutting up. He saw how excited I was when we visited the estate though and he keeps talking our future and children.
celticbride2017: Congrats! I bet you’re excited now for all the planning. Are you Irish/ from Ireland?
He knows the timeline and he promised consistently it’s going to be somewhere in there but it is on his terms and a surprise. I’m not going to be disappointed if it is another adventure or even camping which is his surprise this summer but I’m just asking for insight. I was stunned because we had ony in brief discussed venues and more so the ones we didn’t like plus we hadn’t even checked prices or anything (ignorance is bliss although we have discussed budget and have a healthy one although we might go for cut price because we’d rather have a larger amount for the deposit for a house).
We have discussed career and family priorities and have considered strongly children rearing because we are different denominations so have to consider the church’s input etc. We have sufficient funds for deposit for a house and money for mortgage repayments although we won’t have lived together prior to marriage because of culture. However if it takes longer to procure a house my father has offered an annexe of our house for the first months of marriage. His parents are still in their 40s and my parents remain in good health but our planned location is close and we understand that if necessary we’d have to deal with caring for parents although the actuality of that has not been realised.
doberman: I know that and to be fair I would just be happy with a small wedding and marriage is the focus. I am just excited regardless.
Post # 7
becks90: lol you don’t need to answer all those questions back to me…I don’t really care what the answers are (no offense). You asked can you be optimistic, and my point is that your compatability and planning on all of those fronts and more is what will support whether you can start “hoping,” whereas random comments about venues don’t necessarily mean much.
As far a insight goes no one here canow know what he is thinking…which is why I again suggest you just ask him. Ive heard of men who talk about the future and even lightheartedly “plan” and talk about weddings but its just that.. talk. I’ve also heard of men who follow up such talk with action. Ask him which type of man he is 🙂
Post # 8
OP, these threads are hard to say one way or the other if you are waiting because I have seen them go both ways. To me, yes it sounds like you could be waiting but I have also seen threads where waiting bees bf’s drop hints and then do not deliver. A lot of the time it is bees that have the same mindset as you when you said, “you made it clear there is not a ring by 2 years then that’s it.” Talking to him about getting married is fine but please do not pressure him into getting engaged because “it has worked for all your friends.”
That is what sorta worries me in your post. I do not think you should try to pressure your bf into an engagement an give him an ultimatum saying it is 2 years or that is it. If he really is the person you want to marry then what is 2 years compared to spending the rest of your life together? Plus wouldnt you rather him take the initiative than you feeling like you gave him a “this is what is happening or thats it” choice? Like PP have said, it is easy to loose sight of focusing on your relationship when you are focused on the proposal.
I am not trying to be criticizing or anything at all and am hoping you are a waiting bee because it really is an exciting time! But just enjoy and focus on your relationship instead of the timeline!