(Closed) AM I WASTING MY TIME

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It doesn’t sound like he has the time to devote to a family right now. If you’re ok with that, tell him you want to get married! But I’m a little concerned that you say “I guess we’re dating”… maybe clarify that first.

Post # 4
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

It sounds like you guys have very different expectations for the future. I also find it weird that you guys only talk once or twice a week. I know he’s busy with work, but even a 10 minute phone call at night isn’t asking too much.

I think you should have a convo. with him about what exactly you guys are doing. Is he thinking that this is a hookup, or a real relationship that is going somewhere?

Post # 5
Member
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t care how busy you are, when you love someone you speak more than once or twice a week. Move on. Life is too short to waste it waiting on this situation. 

Post # 6
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You might be. If work is going to take precedence than I think it always will.

Post # 8
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

This seems like a very casual relationship to me.  Not the stages in the past, but the stage now.  You want marriage but you said yourself you ‘guess’ you’re dating.  /have you even asked if you’re exclusive?

Post # 9
Member
869 posts
Busy bee

It sounds like you’re dating my ex-boyfriend.  I loved him like crazy, and could have spent my life with him, but he was the same way – didn’t want to commit.  I remember once asking my mom if it takes some guys longer to “grow up.”  She was honest with me and said, “Honey, sometimes they never do.”  She was right.  He’s done the exact same thing to each girl that followed me, and he’s still in the same spot.  I am so thankful I left.  Because of that I was able to meet my Fiance, and my life couldn’t be better.

Post # 10
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

when he called you after splitting did you tell him exactly what you want and need out of your relationship because its sounds like hes got everything he wants and no reason to change

im sorry but i feel if a woman gets to the point they need to ask strangers what should i do, she knows the answer. i think you need to stop wasting your time and accepting less than what you deserve, hopefully it will be a wakeup call for him to set his priorities and one of them is you

goodluck – i know it sucks to be in your position but be strong and committed to yourself, it takes two to make a relationship work and he needs to want a future with you as well

Post # 11
Member
9737 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

It does sound like you’re wasting your time with him if you want to get married.  It seems as though he’s using you until “someone better” comes along.  Since you were friends with benefits before it’s very hard to break out of that and have someone see you differently.  I would cut my losses and try to find someone who is on the same page you are when it comes to wanting marriage.  You seem like a very nice, sweet person who deserves someone to love you as much as you love them.  I hate those stupid, “I need my space” words – hello – take your space but you can’t have me along with it! It’s just an excuse.  Move on and find someone worthy of you.

Post # 12
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

It is time for you to move on 🙁

you already lived with him, the next step should have been an engagement and gettin married, you cant go backwards, dont let yourself get sucked in…. its not fair to you

I know its hard, and it really really sucks, but you have learned that you both have different priorities, this is not going to work. dont waste anymore time, get out there, start dating get the man you deserve and have the kids you want, easier said then done, I know, but its also better to do it now then to wait around and have all your dreasm dissapear 

Post # 13
Member
902 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I would sit down with him, meet him at work if you have to, schedule a meeting whatever it takes.  Because honestly, how do you have a relationship based on a couple text and seeing each other just once a week? 

I mean, I can understand if he was in the military, traveled for work a lot, or lived a couple hours away.. but doesnt seem to be the case.

Reminds me of myself and my story with my fiance . 

He and I were friends that became more with benefits that lasted about 4 years, we both lived with our parents and with me having a child I was very strict on what I wanted for myself and my child. 

I moved out of my parents home and into my first apartment and I made it very clear to him that I wasn’t going to put up with being just a booty call.  That I wanted more than just seeing him over the weekend.  I loved him since we first met, I loved our friendship, I enjoyed spending time with his family, and I could just see us together as a couple because although we didn’t date anyone else it still didnt feel as if we were a real couple.

With me living on my own at that point I made it very clear that I didn’t NEED him but I wanted him in my life.  And that if I wasn’t important enough to him to be more than just sex then to just leave me alone.

Needless to say.. since that day we have not spent one day without each other.  And that will make 3 years this April.  So sometimes making your stand and letting them know what you want and will not put up with is a clear sign of what they want.

That’s the best thing I can say, I do hope he wakes up and realizes what he has with you!

Post # 14
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I had a guy friend like this.  Some people just aren’t made for commitment.

ETA: when I say guy friend, I mean we had a similar relationship to you and you boyfriend.

Post # 15
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Ahh geez, I feel for you! I think you first need some clarity surrounding if you are actually dating because it seems as if you are a little unsure of that point. Never apologise for what you want in life though – there is nothing wrong with wanting to get married and have kids and his excuses over being financially ready shouldnt stop you both being able to at least have a conversation about the next steps!

Post # 16
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Sounds like he’s getting all he wants out of your relationship right now– he wants to work and make money and he gets the security of having somebody hanging around him when he wants them.  I think you should move on.

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