(Closed) Am I way overreacting?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Any chance he got it and doesn’t want you know so he can surprise you with it?  Sometimes men are sneakier than we think.  My Fiance told me he was going to the bank and to renew car insurance when he was going to pick up the ring.

Post # 4
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

1) a lot of that was kind of confusing. Can you rephrase the important parts? 

2) Please don’t gun for getting engaged to steal his brother’s spotlight. That’s bad mojo from the start…

Post # 7
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Hold up…back up a sec!

You wouldn’t have wanted to get engaged if he hadn’t mentioned it? I think you have your answer right there!

Don’t worry about the ring ( You think there is no other one you like), worry about your relationship! It seems like not everyone is on the same page with their feelings and future goals. Once you figure all of that out, and with the real honest truths- then you should start to make a timeline together ( if marriage becomes the mutual end goal of the discussion). Don’t rush it over a sibling getting engaged or a certain ring you wont think is around.

Post # 8
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@swimchica:  Ok, what about his brother getting enagaged changed your minds then? I’m just trying to picture what the dynamics are… 

When you say “Well he used to use the day against me and I finally just said no more”, what do you mean? You broke up? You decided you didn’t want to be engaged? You stopped bringing it up? And what are you considering doing now? Breaking up? 

I have to be honest, it sounds like he’s playing lots of immature mind games and you’re letting it sway your emotions way too easily. Honest, completely serious question: do you want to be married to this particular man for a lifetime, or do you want a commitment from a boyfriend because of how much you’ve been through to get it? 

Post # 9
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@swimchica:  I think getting engaged because his brother did is not a great way to kick off an engagement/marriage.  So maybe he actually stopped to think about it and realized it wasn’t a spectacular idea.  Or he very well could have bought the ring and is being secretive about it.

Did I read that right, you two have been together 7 months?

Post # 10
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Taeyers:  Honest, completely serious question: do you want to be married to this particular man for a lifetime, or do you want a commitment from a boyfriend because of how much you’ve been through to get it?

Yep, really good question.  It sounds like you’re both wishy-washy about an engagement.  You might want a pretty diamond ring but are you really ready to make the committment of marriage to this guy?  That’s a life-long committment… “for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part.”  Do you understand that OP?

Post # 14
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@swimchica:  Okay , I understand!

I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. Can you explain what you mean by you wish you could say no? You mean you don’t want to be with him or you could say no to what?

Post # 15
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@swimchica:  If he makes fun of you for wanting to get more serious in your relationship, there are not enough words in the english language to express how much you shouldn’t agree to marry him. I get the sense that your relationship might feel like an investment to you, and you want to see your investment through, but sometimes it’s better for your sanity to cut your losses? 

Don’t take this the wrong way, but how old is he? 

Post # 16
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@swimchica:  Gotchya.  I think you both need to have a real serious chat about your plans for the future.  And have just that chat.  No more empty promises, no more insinuations, etc.  Just one conversation, a gameplan.  And also discuss what marriage means to you both.  The committment, the vows, the whole deal.  It’s so much more than a ring, a party, and a pretty dress.  And don’t get engaged/married for the wrong reasons (i.e because it’s been 2.5 years, because all your friends are, because your eventual BIL did, etc).  Do it because and WHEN it’s right for you both.

(For what it’s worth, I’ve been with my Fiance for 8+ years.  He’s 29, I’m 26.  Of course we wanted to get married but we both had to be ready – financially, emotionally, etc.  Had to finish school, get our careers established, and all around PREPARE for the committment.  So don’t feel the need to rush into this.  Your day will come).

And again, he very well could have got the ring.  Good luck.

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