Post # 1
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
A post I just made in another thread -http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/the-5-stages-of-healthy-relationships-include-boredom-apathy#axzz2NSqoqgFB – got me wondering. I’m 44, and have been in a LDR with Fiance for over 2 years now. I’ve also been married twice before. We have been together nearly 4 years in total, and did live together for a year, 6 months after we started seeing each other. Unfortunately, due to problems with our flatmate, I had to relocate back to my former home and he had to stay in his city – purely because he has a job he loves, that is extremely well paid.
He came up to my city last summer, with a view to staying if he could find work. The work he was offered in his field was unreliable and badly paid…temp work where he would be taking a $1500 pay cut a month…he has senority where he works, he’s been there over a decade and absolutely loves his job. As much as I love Fiance, I couldn’t demand that he gave that up, especially as we see each other on average every 2 weeks for at least 3 days at a time.
Fiance also owes his father a debt that he is paying back at a high rate a month. It will be exactly another year before it is totally paid off. So until that time, we couldn’t afford for me to move back to him, anyway.
But am I weird for actually enjoying being in a LDR? Yes, I miss Fiance badly sometimes, but I always know when I’m seeing him next. I’m pretty much a loner at heart, and enjoy my own company. I’ve got good friends that I see regularly, and our two cats are also a comfort. And I sleep far better on my own!
Post # 3
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
I think its ok, I’m in a LDR but I only see the him once every four to six months and even though I miss him terribly and some days are almost unbearable I do enjoy having free time and being able to do my own thing! We were together for two years before he moved (again very well paid job) and it has been almost a year and I think like everything there are good and bad aspect to it. I think it’s healthy to be a person outside of a relationship and being in a LDR gives you that opportunity!!!
The only difference is that I sleep terrible on my own haha
Post # 4
Member
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
I really liked the romance of an LDR. The constant declarations of love via text, getting the mail and finding a new card/gift, plus the letters/emails. It was a huge step to move to a new city and live together forever. Plus … there is ME time, alone time where I can have my hair looking like butt, and my skin breakouts and I can eat crackers and cheese for dinner with out anyone else in my face lol.
Post # 5
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
@Baal: I was in a LDR once, and oddly, I didn’t mind it all the time either. I liked going and doing as I pleased, for the most part, and I enjoyed the certain freedom that came with living on my own. I think your reasons are sensible.
Post # 6
Member
3636 posts
Sugar bee
LDRs can be very romantic as
@HisIrishPrincess: mentioned. When my SO is travelling then the emails and texts are alway so special and full of cute things. When he is home they (the emails etc) tend to be more practical because instead of saying nice things we tend to show it through touch instead. But I kind of miss those cute emails so I look forward to when he travels because they are coming back.
Given that you have a sort of set timeline for when your LDR will come to an end I think it makes sense that you are focusing on enjoying the good parts of your LDR as it is now.
Post # 7
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
Thanks guys!
Of course I do want to live with Fiance again, but until I either win the lottery or get a great job myself, it’s just not feasible. I did go through quite a long stage where I got really wound up about the fact we weren’t living together, but I realised that was more because I thought it was what we should be doing – basically, I was letting other people’s (negative) opinions influence me. My Fiance does a very worthwhile job – care related, and I’m very proud of him. I want to see him happy in his work because I know how soul destroying it can be to be in a job you hate.
Post # 8
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
I don’t think you’re weird either 🙂
Fiance and I did the LDR thing for about 8 months, a year in to our relationship, and I enjoyed it. I saw him for a few days every two weeks, and we spoke all the time, but I too am a fan of my own company and I had friends who lived nearby so I never felt lonely. Plus, this might sound silly, but I kind of knew it would be the last of the “me” time since I knew Fiance and I would be living together after the 8 months. I obviously love living with him, but it was fun making my own schedule and doing my own thing for a bit.
Mind you, our LDR was a 5 hour drive – not states or continents, so I might change my tune if that ever happened!
Post # 9
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
@berybery: I agree with that! Ours is a 3 hour train trip. My parents were seperated on opposite sides of the world for the last 9 years of their marriage, and it really did destroy their relationship!
What you and others have said about ‘me’ time is important to me, too. After being with my ex H for 15 years, it’s nice to be ‘master of my domain’ again, not having to run every single decision by someone else!
Post # 10
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
Nah, Your Sensible To Me 🙂