(Closed) Am I wrong??

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

You are completely overthinking it! Stop stressing and worrying about it. It’s her opinion…one that she had enough sense not to share directly with you. Chances are that because she can’t afford to help as much as she might otherwise want to – the money spent is making her self-concious and uncomfortable.

You shouldn’t take it to heart. The statement wasn’t meant for you to see or read (don’t get me wrong, I do believe she should have kept it to herself but I’m sure she is dealing with her own issues). Remind yourself that her opinion is irrelevant as it’s not her money…I know it’s bothersome, but you should let it go (for your own sanity). 🙂

Post # 4
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

I think you are being a little tough on her. This statement “and she told my mother that she would like to give her $500 to help with the wedding..which honestly wasn’t much, but being the people we are, we understood.”

She probably can’t afford much and was being as generous as she could. Her comments are annoying but she is probably going through a whole host of emotions watching her baby get married without his dad. Give her a break.

Post # 5
Member
46414 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You cannot change the way anyone else thinks, so don’t let it stress you out.

She will think what she thinks no matter what you do or say. Be comfortable with your decisions and ignore her opinions.

Post # 6
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you are wrong.  She’s just trying to help and be involved.

This comment struck me:  “Basically, my family (and us) have paid for every single detail in this wedding. She never offered to pay for anything, but she wanted us to tell her everything we were doing.”

Why wouldnt she???? Her son is getting married.  At least she shows an interest!

Post # 7
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

The reality is that if you, your fiance, and your parents feel comfortable spending the amount of money you’re spending, then it doesn’t matter. Really, $8,000 for a wedding of that size is amazing! She either doesn’t know or doesn’t care, regardless, I would ignore her comments and make sure you’re happy with your day.

Post # 9
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My husband’s family also only gave $500 and I KNOW they think our $8-10,000 budget was too much, especially since they had a courthouse wedding and Mother-In-Law didn’t even have a wedding dress. $8k is a LOT of money for one day (even if its a small budget in the wedding world) and some people just don’t get it.

Don’t worry about what she thinks. Its your day, do what you want, spend what you want, and be THANKFUL for the $500 she did give (she doesn’t have to give anything), not resentful.

Post # 10
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Hrm… I think the fact that she is putting her nose in someone else’s financial affairs might be wrong, but honestly, you’re overreacting/overthinking/overwhateveryouwanttocallit. 

It doesn’t matter how much you and your family choose to spend on this wedding.  She has no right to pass judgment.  But, who cares if she does?  It doesn’t affect you or your wedding in any way.  So, just let it go and take a deep breath. 

If she says something to you in person, just say that you can’t believe how expensive things are with the wedding industry and as much as you’ve tried to keep your costs low, it is what it is and that $8,000 really isn’t all that much for a wedding of nearly 300 people and memories that will last a lifetime. 

Post # 11
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

@jennadaniellexo:  I know how hard it is…believe me, I do!! I’m the same way – I have a tendency to take things to heart and really internalize it. But, if it’s possible for you, it’s one of those moments to turn the other cheek and accept the fact that she is miserable for her own host of reasons…but you don’t have to be! It sounds like she’s been through a lot and you just have to ignore it the best you can. I know it’s so frustrating, but big hugs and the best of luck!

Post # 12
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

What was that saying I read on another thread…??  Opinions are like an asshole, everyones got them?  Yeah, she’s entitled to her opinion, she can be rude enough to share it…. just ignore it.  If she can only afford to help out 500 bucks, of course she will think that 8k is A LOT.  No its not her money and none of her business, but sh can still be just watching out for her youngest, and just wants to talk to him about her concerns if she’s worried it a lot.

Post # 14
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you are over thinking and I don’t think she said anything worth being upset over.  Her comment was annoying, but it’s her opinion and she is entitled to it.

Basically, my family (and us) have paid for every single detail in this wedding. She never offered to pay for anything, but she wanted us to tell her everything we were doing.

About 2 weeks ago she came over to see some of the things we had bought and made and she told my mother that she would like to give her $500 to help with the wedding..which honestly wasn’t much, but being the people we are, we understood.

Also, these comments make you sound ungrateful.  It sounds like she wants to be involved but is able to contribute much finacially.  As long as she isn’t overly demanding about what happens with the wedding, I don’t think you can hold this against her.

Post # 15
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

About 2 weeks ago she came over to see some of the things we had bought and made and she told my mother that she would like to give her $500 to help with the wedding..which honestly wasn’t much, but being the people we are, we understood.

You both are being negative about money being spent or not spent. Let it go and enjoy your planning and wedding day.

Post # 16
Member
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I know exactly how your feel in this situation. I’m sure a lot of this is because of the previous dealings you have had. It is easy for people to write that you are in the wrong and it is hard for you to just ignore  it because of pent up feelings. People tend to forget that this is the brides and grooms wedding and not the mother’s/mother-in-laws/families wedding so I can see why having to run everything by her would be annoying.

In the end though this comment doesn’t really matter and won’t change anything now.  Mother’s can be friggin crazy when it comes to their children and meadling in their lives.  You just have to remember that haha.

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