(Closed) Am I wrong?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Am I wrong? (Please comment with why you answered what you did)
    No, You gave her plenty of notice : (114 votes)
    69 %
    Yes, her wedding should have taken priority over your appointments and bachelorette : (39 votes)
    24 %
    Other (please comment) : (12 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2609 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @MrsPaperFlowers:  I think giving a “maybe” RSVP wasn’t cool.  Its either a yes or a no.

    I would be a bit hurt if my friend prioritized a movable hair appointment and a moveable party over my wedding but I doubt I’d say anything. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    825 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @MrsPaperFlowers:  I agree with PP, the Save the Date gave you plenty of notice, and things like a hair appointment could have been moved. I also would not have accepted a “maybe” for an RSVP. You should have said yes and made her wedding a priority, or simply said no and been up front right from the beginning. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    56 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I’ll play Devil’s Advocate here and say that I don’t necessarily think you did anything wrong. When were you notified of her wedding? If I knew of a friend’s wedding  I wouldn’t plan anything on that date, however, I don’t think it is your responsiblity to drop all prior engagements if she tells you about her wedding last minute.

    Post # 8
    Member
    4528 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Other. You aren’t wrong, but I can see why she’s upset

    ETA: she doesn’t have to be rude though

    Post # 9
    Member
    2832 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think you did all you could. Her wedding was one week before yours. And if your a working bee like me, they only time to really get stuff done is on the weekend. Don’t feel bad, she is just being overly sensitive.

    Post # 10
    Member
    8888 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I feel for you. She knew your wedding was a week after. You gave her a heads up. She should be grown up and not make snide remarks. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    474 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @MrsPaperFlowers:  I disagree with everyone else so far. You said “no”. It should not matter the reason, you already gave a no for the RSVP. I have a friend who has a wedding 2 weeks after mine and I would totally understand if she can not make it. I do not believe you did anything wrong. On top of this… you mentioned she is an “aquantance”, which to me means not a “friend” just someone you know. Really, she should not know the reason you can not attend just a yes or a no anyway.

    Post # 13
    Member
    7175 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @MrsPaperFlowers:  I’m not sure I’m following your original post.  If you had already mailed in a ‘no’ RSVP, why does it matter that your hair appointment went long?  

    Post # 16
    Member
    1284 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Maybe I’m just way too easy going… but since you had RSVPed no for sure (as you said previously) and had already said it was a tight squeeze on the STD notice…. plus knowing that being a bride is stressful and you don’t have only your schedule to work with, but also the salon, and your bachelorette and your own party to attend…. I think it’s not out of line.  You wouldn’t have been able to make it regardless because you had thought your own bachelorette was that evening, and your certainly not going to squeeze in someone else’s wedding (and then have to leave early) on top of your party.  Did you send a wedding gift?  Personally, I would have been upset had I paid for you to attend, and then you blew it off… (that happened to us and I don’t think I’ll ever get over the countless guests I tracked down and harassed and then they blew us off).  But I wouldn’t have been upset had you given me ample notice and I didn’t pay for you, which is what you siad happened.  People can’t attend weddings all the time… though the circumstances may vary and really don;t matter in the end, as long as you RSVPed no in a timely fashion, I see no reason why she would flip out.  I understand that it is stressful being a bride.  Not to mention you aren’t best friends, in which case, I would say move mountains to be there regardless.  I had a few close family members who decided to do something else on our wedding day instead of attend.  I was a little put off, but it’s their decision to attend or not.  I was happy that they were honest. 

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