(Closed) Am I wrong?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Am I wrong? (Please comment with why you answered what you did)
    No, You gave her plenty of notice : (114 votes)
    69 %
    Yes, her wedding should have taken priority over your appointments and bachelorette : (39 votes)
    24 %
    Other (please comment) : (12 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 48
    Member
    2786 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I’m so confused by her attitude. As someone planning a wedding, if I received a “no” on the formal RSVP, I would have already determined long ago that the person wasn’t coming to my wedding. Also, I would actually be seriously pissed if that person then showed up at the reception with no warning. 

    Regardless of the “maybe” to the STD, your explanation PLUS the actual RSVP regrets should have been enough. If she’s just sniping because she really wanted you there then that’s rude and childish.

    Post # 49
    Member
    12321 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

     She is being unreasonable.  You RSVPed “no” in a timely fashion for a wedding that was a week before yours.  You did absolutely nothing wrong.

    Post # 51
    Member
    1589 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Well if you considered her a good enough friend you would have made it. If her wedding isn’t a priority that’s why you’re drifting. It happens.

    Post # 52
    Member
    2786 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @MrsPaperFlowers:  Does she already know that your hair trial went way over time? If she just thinks you blew off her ceremony, I would sort of see why she is hurt, but that doesn’t give her a right to be a rude child over it.

    Post # 53
    Member
    11268 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @MrsPaperFlowers:  just curious, was she invited (attend) your wedding a week later?

    Post # 55
    Member
    11268 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @MrsPaperFlowers:  maybe she was upset b/c she didn’t get an invite to yours (even though she would be on her hm).  she may have felt snubbed.

    Post # 58
    Member
    3885 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    She doesn’t have a right to be snippy, but I can totally see someone being incredibly hurt to discover a friend had declined a wedding invitation and gone to the hair dresser instead. Most folks choose their wedding guest list based on who is important to them, so just getting an invite says “I care about you.” By declining then going to get your hair done or have a bachelorette party, you’re saying “I care more about these things than I care about you.”  So it’s easy to see where it becomes hurtful. Very, very hurtful. I know it’s a wedding invite and not a subpoena, but when you choose which things youre able to do, you’re making a pretty public statement on your priorities, and who or what is important to you, and your actions told the other bride that she’s not important to you. And it never feels nice to discover you’re not important!

    You don’t have to AGREE with the friend getting her feelings hurt, but you have to at least acknowledge how it could happen. You may want to have an in-person chat with your friend, or maybe a girls reconnect afternoon, to see if that soothes her. 

    ETA: I just saw you didn’t invite her to your wedding. Even though she would be on her honeymoon then, that’s a no-no if she’s someone you care about. So no invite to your wedding, and you missed her wedding for various appointments…. Kinda surprised she’s still speaking to you, tbh. If someone did that to me, I’d assume they really didn’t like me!

    Post # 60
    Member
    3885 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @MrsPaperFlowers:  have you apologized and acknowledged to her that you can understand how this could be hurtful to her? (Sorry, might have missed that on this thread)

    sometimes it is not just an apology that helps but also validating the other person’s feelings.

    Post # 61
    Member
    388 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @ELM12345:  oh, I didn’t realize changing her bachelorette party would have put 10-15 people out of their way. That would change my vote if it were correct.

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