(Closed) Am I wrong?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Am I wrong to not want my BM to bring her ex to the wedding?
    Yes : (22 votes)
    32 %
    No : (43 votes)
    62 %
    Maybe..explain below. : (4 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    521 posts
    Busy bee

    Acck!! You don’t need their drama at your wedding. You are NOT wrong. You are being realistic, and she isn’t. You CAN have a wedding without her there. People are so selfish sometimes! If she will come alone, fine. If she brings man X, fine. If she is bringin man EX…no way!

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    1684 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I’d let her bring him. She still talks to him and I know it might a little awkward but on the bright side you’ll be so busy & happy you won’t really be thinking about him on your wedding day. Plus, I’ve learned the hard way, never bad mouth a friend’s ex in case they get back together. If they DO get back together, it’ll just make things more uncomfortable between you guys.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2208 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I can understand your concern, but if the choice is between her coming alone and being uncomfortable, or bringing him, you may just want to be gracious and let him come. A lot of women hate going to weddings alone, so it may be a real kindness to her. If you are worried they will cause a scene, you could gently watch their alcohol consumption or have a groomsmen help.

    Post # 6
    Member
    505 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I can understand your concern about the ex. But I think you should let her bring the ex and just say, “this is our day, please no drama.”  If drama comes about, ask them to leave and end the friendship until your Bridesmaid or Best Man can grow past this ex.

    But what I would have an issue with is where you said that you & Fiance would want to meet the “guest” beforehand.  I don’t quite understand that?  What happens if she just wanted to bring a close girlfriend?  Would you still want to meet that friend as well?  I just don’t understand the whole have-to-meet the guest beforehand.  Not to be rude, but you aren’t her parents so if she has a +1, then its a +1 regardless.

    Post # 7
    Member
    542 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    How much time would you actually spend around the ex?  From what I hear from brides and grooms, they hardly talk to anyone more than a few minutes.  While I think a brief exchange of pleasantries would be nice, that is probably going to be the limit of your interaction.  I appreciate your concern for your friend, but in the end, you extended a plus one, and that usually isn’t accompanied with exclusion criteria.  You might not want her to inadvertantly provide the situation to start her down the old path, but she’s got to make those decisions.  

    I’d I’m not proud to admit this, but I stayed in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere so I didn’t have to be the single 30 yo Maid/Matron of Honor at both of my sister’s weddings.  I drug my feet in making the decision before the weddings (they were a few weeks apart) but in the end, I was terrified of having to go alone, mostly because at the time I thought of myself as having failed.  I’m guessing your MOH might have similar feelings, so humor her and let him come.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2641 posts
    Sugar bee

    I can’t blame you for not wanting him there.  But if you allow your Bp to bring dates, I think you need to let them pick them.   Is there a head table for the BP?  If so, be sure she lets him know that she won’t really be available to him until after dinner. (You won’t have to deal with him through picks or during dinner.)  And I don’t think you’ll really notice him there.  You’ll be too busy with those you do care about. 

    I’m not sure what’s going on that you think there’ll be some drama at the wedding.  So maybe there is more to it.  But based on what you posted, I’d say let her bring him.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2641 posts
    Sugar bee

    Ahh you know, I might change my mind.  Could you explain to her what you just posted?  Perhaps she doesn’t realize how bad it looks to others.  I do think you have a right to have your wedding drama free.  If they get into a brawl the majority of the time they’re together, I would just let her know that you don’t want him there because you don’t want to have a scene, and certainly don’t want to see her getting hit/pushed around (at your wedding or) ever.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2703 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    u are NOT wrong. who wants to risk that kind of soap opera drama at their wedding?! that is RIDICULOUS!!! my Maid/Matron of Honor and a couple of BM’s have ex/current bf drama and they dont even want to think about bringing them, cuz they want to have a good time and be there to support me!

    it’s about YOu that day, not who she can bring as a guest on your dime!

    Post # 12
    Member
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    You’re not wrong–she knows he’s drama, you know he’s drama, it sounds to me like the wedding was getting close, she still didn’t have a date, and she resorted to asking him out of a deep desire not to be there alone.  Not ok.  That day is about you.  And the only thing that your bridal party is really responsible for is making sure that you are happy, fed, and kept far away from any drama or mishaps on the day of your wedding–if a member of your bridal party is BRINGING drama or mishaps…that’s a problem!  If you explain to her what you have explained to us, in as loving a way as possible, she should understand.  If she doesn’t, she might not be as wonderful of a friend as you would like her to be…. ((HUGS)) and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this!

    Post # 13
    Member
    937 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I agree with mrsmdphd 100%. While I totally understand that your Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t want to be “alone” at your wedding- out of respect for you and your Fiance, she should KNOW not to bring him without you even having to tell her. You don’t need a Jerry Springer type scene at your wedding. Given their volatile history, I don’t blame you for not wanting him there.  

    Post # 14
    Member
    156 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    To be honest, I think you’re right and wrong.  I think you were wrong in how you approached her about bringing him, but right in the fact that it’s a lot of unnecessary drama on a day that’s supposed to be all about celebrating.  On that note, it sounds really weird to me that you allowed your BMs +1, but you expected certain restrictions to come along with it (you had to meet them, if they weren’t dating more than 3 weeks they couldn’t come, etc.).  I’m having a fairly small wedding, and 1 of my BMs is bringing her ex (who no one likes, including my FI), but it’s her choice.  She’s an adult, if she wants to bring her ex, that’s fine, but she should also know that if he starts acting up (fighting, getting way too drunk, etc) he will be asked to leave.

    As for the requiring them to bring someone you know or have met, several of my very near and dear friends are bringing dates I’ve never met to our wedding, and I have no problem with it!  Weddings are awkward and depressing to attend alone (I know, I’ve done it), so if it makes them more comfortable and more likely to have a good time if they bring a guest than the more the merrier!  You can’t dole out +1 and expect that they all adhere to your guidelines on who they invite, if that’s what you wanted you shouldn’t have allowed them to bring guests.

    Post # 16
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    What I don’t understand is why is she so insistant on bringing someone in the first place?  I understand that most people don’t like attending weddings alone, but she’s your Maid/Matron of Honor, not just a regular guest!  ALL of her attention should be on you guys and making sure everything’s going well for YOU!  Sure, if she was dating someone, it would be nice to have them there for slow dances and stuff, but I’m sure she could convince a groomsmen to dance with her at least once.  She’s not going to have time to pay attention to any guest she brings anyway and if they’re not also friends with some of your other guests, they are going to be bored.  She should just go alone.

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