Post # 1
Let me preface that we are only allowing +1 only for spouses, FIs and SOs that are living together. So, I just got off the phone with one of my very close, married friends. During our conversation she told me that her husband does not want to come to the wedding (I was slightly relieved because I really can’t stand him) and then finished, so I’ll be bringing someone else, I just don’t know who yet. I told her no. Is it wrong of me to not allow substitutions? We do have people that we could not invite because of space restrictions, and I don’t think it would be fair to our single friends who can’t bring guests. There will be plenty of people there that she will know, including our mutual friend who introduced us in the first place.
This is the first time that I’ve had to put my foot down about anything so I guess I’m just doubting myself. What does everyone else think?
Post # 3
Was the invite specifically labeled for her and her husband? If so, then I don’t think it’s wrong. You can explain to her that there were other people that weren’t invited, etc.
If it was her +guest, and you intended her husband, than it’s pretty wrong to not allow her to bring someone other than her hubby.
I personally would allow somone to bring a replacement only because I want my guests to feel comfortable.
Post # 4
The invites haven’t gone out yet, but it was going to be Mr and Mrs So and So. If it were just her and guest, then I totally agree and wouldn’t care who she did or didn’t bring. I probably wouldn’t have a problem with it either if she was Out of Town or had to travel far, but she is local and she knows all my other friends.
Post # 5
If you addressed it to them (not Mrs. Smith & Guest), plus she knows other people who are going to be there, I would have said no too.
Post # 6
I would have said no too, especially since she knows a lot of people there. Even if she didn’t, most adults are capable of making friends for a few hours… 🙂
Post # 7
You made the right choice. The open slot can allow for additional guests that YOU want to attend, not just a random person. I am sure once the cocktails flow and food is served, she will instantly make convo with other guests.
Post # 8
I was surprised to have this issue too – a friend asked if she could bring her mom instead of her husband. I asked advice here, and most Bees seemed to think I should allow it. I eventually told her yes, a little grudgingly (on the inside!), since at least I do know her mother. Ultimately, neither of them ended up being able to come, so it was a moot point.
Post # 9
No way should you have to feel like including a substitute..a husband is one thing..a random substitute is another. Stick to your original feelings, be strong, good luck
Post # 10
Thanks! I’m going to stick my ground on this one, but just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being a bitch. The way that she delivered it just set me off and then I was second guessing.
Post # 11
No. I think it’s completely fine not to allow substitutes unless the situation were very unique. I have one friend who is being invited with her husband. However, her husband will likely be in Afghanistan by the time the wedding comes, she’s coming from out of town and doesn’t know many people who will be at the wedding. Even though we aren’t allowing random +1s, for her, it’ll be hard enough being without her husband so I told her she’s welcome to bring someone else instead.
BUT if it’s just a matter of the husband not wanting to go, then a substitute shouldn’t be allowed.
Post # 12
Is she bringing someone you would have otherwise invited? A friend of mine – her husband could not attend a wedding we were just at – so she brought another friend of ours who was originally on the b list. The bride wanted the other girl invited but she was cut because of numbers, so our married friend brought her as her plus one.
Post # 13
you are right!
who’s to say you didn’t leave off someone near and dear to your heart from your invite list to invite her husband?
people slay me sometimes, geez!
don’t even sweat it, you are totally right