(Closed) Am I wrong?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

In a word, nope. I understand your let down and your hurt over his blowing it. My Fiance is capable of doing something like this (our first Valentine’s Day… argh!), but over the time I’ve communicated how much it means to me for him to stay keyed in to “important” things like anniversaries, etc in a way that I think he gets and he does really well now. Laughing

In short, you have a right to your feelings, but remember, you’re still learning each other and patience can pay off big rewards. In a little bit, try to forgive him, and revisit the topic when you’re less emotional with him. I am sure that he was mortified to have caused you any emotional hurt, and is still looking for a way to make it up to you. Make sure to take some time to come up with something gooood:) *hugs*

Post # 4
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

No you are not wrong to be upset, but is your husband the thoughtful, gift-giving type? This is something you would know before you married him, I assume, so maybe you should not be surprised?

Post # 5
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You are not wrong at all.

Post # 6
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would be upset. Use this as a time to discuss your expectations for events and holidays going forward. Hopefully the next time around he will put more thought into it. 

Post # 8
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I work in a computer center where I am one of 9 women and over 75 guys in my department.  I sit in a workspace group with 5 guys – all between 30-45.  I just looked up and said “what’s the traditional first anniversary gift?”  Here is what I got:

2 of them didn’t even look up or respond in any way.

1 of them said “applause that you made it through the year?”

1 of them said…. “what do you mean?”

1 of them said, definitively “the good stuff…. like you get on your birthday” (I assume he means sex….. just knowing his personality).

 

Most guys I know are not *good* at gifts…. in the way that women are.  I’m not sure most of them even know that EVERY anniversary has a “symbol”.  And not one man I know would actually *appreciate* a craft or collage…. other than that they would understand I had dedicated my time and they would recognize that.  But I work with and know *mens men* if you know what I mean.

So, yes….. if you were married to any of the guys I work with, and had not had a specific conversation about your expectations around the 1st anniversary gift…. then I’m not sure it makes sense to be disappointed – because you’ve set up an expectation that isn’t realistic.

Most guys who “don’t have time” to get you a thoughtful gift are panicked inside that they will not measure up and so they put it off.  *most* men aren’t creative, in the same way that women are.

So, in about 6 months YOU decide if you’re going to go with cotton (traditional) or china (modern) and then let him in on some ideas of what you think would be nice.  That gives him 6 months to get it together. 

My Fiance is a self-proclaimed horrible gift selector.  so I started an amazon gift list – that he can check at any time and get me something that is on there that he’ll KNOW I like.  I’m figuring this will work to my advantage as I am hoping to start a tradition of “instead of gifts….. let’s do annual get-a-ways”.

Post # 9
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You’re not wrong, but it might help to talk to him about your mutual expectaitons for celebrating events in the future. 

Post # 10
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

no way. i would be so hurt if my Fiance did that to me. im sorry!

Post # 11
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Mrs_Jerman:  WOW! Maybe he didn’t know you wanted to do the traditional route of anniversary gifts. Hopefully you’ve set him straight 🙂

Post # 12
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

So wait…he didn’t give you anything? If that’s the case, you have every reason to be upset, but otherwise, as long as he still got you something or took you out somewhere nice then I think you should cut him some slack.

Post # 13
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Mrs_Jerman:  I don’t know if there’s a right or wrong, but it would never occur to me to craft a gift for the traditional anniversary gift. If it doesn’t occur to me, I doubt it would occur to most guys.

Did he forget the anniversary altogether?

I’m the type of person who drops hints so there’s no way my guy would forget something that is upcoming lol. Maybe he will do better next year.

Post # 14
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

ouch, I’m sorry.

Post # 15
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My fi and i always discuss gifts ahead of time.  

Post # 16
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@3xaCharm:  LOL!!! Funny.  My Fiance would definitely answer “the good stuff”!!!

But I agree, most guys aren’t as creative or thoughtful as we are at celebrating milestones.  I have to remind Fiance months ahead about our anniversary and most time I get flowers and chocolate.  But I don’t mind because frankly, I’m a terrible gift giver myself. 

I agree with others that this is an occasion for you to discuss what your expectations are regarding celebrating anniversaries.

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