(Closed) Am I wrong? Advice please

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1086 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

1-2-&3 no you are not wrong it is your wedding. But she’s probably just really excited, cut her some slack and try to nicely let her know what you are wanting. Don’t be afraid to stand up for your wedding, just try to not hurt feelings

Post # 4
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

#1 and 2, I’d say you’re right. Fiance needs to speak up if he’s the one with the preference re: #3, otherwise, let it go since she’s hosting.

Post # 5
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

#1 and #2 I think you are right, hold your ground. #3 is iffy… barbeque means different things by region… is there something at the restaurant that you would be okay with eating, even if it isn’t your favorite food? If you absolutely won’t eat anything there, then maybe your Fiance could mention it to his mom… but if it’s more a matter of food preferences, I would say let that one go- she’s paying and I learned with wedding planning that you need to pick your battles.

Post # 6
Member
46414 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

1. no

2. no

3. yes  If she is hosting the rehearsal dinner (that includes paying for it) she gets to choose the menu. You can suggest all you like but I would find a different way of couching your objections rather than we never eat at barbeque joints. It could come across as you thinking you are superior in some way. I might say that I am concerned that barbeque will be a little messy for people who are dressed up for the rehearsal dinner.

Post # 7
Member
747 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

#1 Yes, because she can wear what she wants  at the end of the day you are the BRIDE and i think no one will get the two of you confused.

#2 No, you are right, why would he want to show something around that isn’t ready to be shown yet?

#3 No, you are right i guess. You can never go wrong with cheaper…at least most of the time.

Post # 8
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

1 No most definitely not. Why as you what color to wear if she’s going to wear what she wants anyway? It’s like she’s blatantly disregarding wat you told her. I have an express color code and I would be pissed if it wasn’t followed (But forgive me I have major OCD about things like numbers and colours not just for the wedding in life itself) 

2. No. I think showing his mom or dad is fine but it’s not show and tell for the family, he shouldn’t spoil the surprise for everyone else. 

3. And I will say No for this one because even though she is hosting and paying and as such will have free regin in my opinion who you are and what you like (taste, preferences etc) should be taken into consideration in the planning. However I am inclined to agree with a previous poster you should pick your battles, you don’t want to seem unreasonable or like you’re pissing on the Future In-Laws all the time. 

Post # 9
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

1) She should NOT wear ivory, and your Fiance needs to insist on that

2) This isn’t a right vs. wrong issue.  This is a compromise-with-your-FI issue.  In this case, although he COULD show the invitation to everyone at the picnic, he should put your feelings of NOT wanting them to see it ABOVE his feelings of wanting them to see it.  Afterall, they eventually will see it, and it’s not wrong for you to want to preserve the specialness of having it be a surprise when it arrives in the mail.

3) She is hosting and paying for the event.  Although you and your FI may offer ideas and even indicate a preference, the decision is really up to her.

 

Post # 10
Member
990 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

the dress thing don’t let it get to you… she will be the one people are like wtf about but she will not steal your spotlight. My mother wants to were a dress that matches my bridesmaids… ok whatever. When FMIl asked me I told her anything but a white or cream. On the invite well your fi is excited but perhaps you should explian why you don’t want it shown and that they will see it when it arrives. I ended up showing a lot of my family the invite before it was sent but it is no big deal to me. as for the rehearsal well she is paying for it and hosting so wherever she wants, if you don’t like it pay for it yourself and host where you want to.

Post # 11
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’d let the dress thing go, I’d maybe say hold up on showing the invites, and i’d just have the barbecue if she’s paying :/

Post # 12
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

1. I don’t want our moms wearing any shade of ivory/white, so I’m with you on that.

2. Why bother showing everyone? They’re going to receive it soon enough anyways. So I’m not sure what the purpose of showing people would be, really.

3. Just eat the food she is offering unless you’re allergic or morally opposed to it.

Post # 13
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

i have to agree with the dress – some people are like ahh wtf who cares.. for me, you don’t wear white or cream to a wedding period, unless you’re the bride or flower girl. It’s inappropriate and she should know that if she doesn’t already.

I understand not wanting to show off the invites, that’s something you want to keep secret until it’s mailed, Fiance should suck it up and wait for them to get them in the mail like everyone else.

As for the bbq – let’s be honest, the rehearsal dinner isn’t just for you.  The wedding is yours, let it be – why can you eat bbq you make and not from a restaurant?  She’s paying and she’s hosting and unless you hate it which I don’t think you do because you said you’d eat it if someone you know cooked it, you should just let it go.

The topic ‘Am I wrong? Advice please’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors