Post # 1
So a little background…..
I have an almost 3 year old son from a previous relationship his biological father has been in and out of his life. He does what he needs to do as far as child support goes but doesn’t see our son. We have not been together since early in my pregnancy. He was really good about visiting for the first 1 1/2 of our son’s life while he was dating a very nice female that really was great with our son. That relationship ended and another began for him and this woman would rather our son not be around so he hasn’t seen him for almost a year. Our son has 2 sisters from his bio dad’s previous marriage they are 17 and 14. I still meet up with them 1-2 times a month so they can see him. It would be more but right now they have crazy schedules with school work and activities.
Now to my FH.
He has 2 adopted children they are 14 and 12. They do still do supervised visits with biological Mom once a week supervised by the state.
We also have a foster son he is 5 and does supervised visits by the state.
Finally to my question;
I am taking my son to see his sisters tonight. My FH is upset because he doesn’t see why I can’t take the other kids with me or at least a few of them. I try to explain my son doesn’t go on the other children’s visits. He then replies well that’s different. All of the older children have ADHD allong with other various mental health issues. They are extremely hyper and at times difficult to handle. The only reason I do not take them with is because I really feel this is time for my son to spend with his sisters and by having the distraction of the other children he’s not really able to do that. My FH also doesn’t understand why my son’s sister’s won’t come to the house. I try to explain it’s not the most comfortable situation for them yet and with time they will feel ok with that. It’s a hard situation for them to. He just doesn’t get it.
Am I wrong by not taking the other children with when I do visit’s with my son’s sisters?
Post # 3
I think that letting him have alone time with his sisters is the right choice. Sorry its hard for your husband to realize. I do want to say that you are amazing for taking in these children, and I’m not really sure what else to say
Post # 4
Everything she said
Your son needs time alone with his sisters and you are a wonderful mom to go out of your way to do so for him.
Post # 5
I think you both are.
I think its important for each child to have visits with their respective families alone, but a sibling is a sibling whether foster, adopted, step, 1/2 and sometimes life happens and maybe you need to bring another of your kids to lesson the “load” at home.
However, most importantly is how your sons sisters feel about it. Would they be comfortable if another sibling came? Would they enjoy it? Would they like to meet your DH’s kids that are similar age?
I think its important everyone meets and gets along, but I think a BBQ should be planned in advance and everyone comes, including moms/dads and all siblings.
Post # 6
I also dont think its wrong to not want to take the other children. It would be distracting to have the other kids even if they did not have ADHD. Just like they have a chance to spend personal time with bio family members, so should your son.
Post # 7
Why would you take children who are not siblings for visits. They are not related by blood so I see no need on it. Your son as you said doesn’t go on the other visits. I think you FH needs to realize this time is for your son and his sisters not the other children.
Post # 8
@lefeymw:They have all met in the past and on one visit I did take all of the other children as I had no choice. It was not a good experience. I am also a stay at home Mom so I am home with the children 24/7 it’s also a nice little break for me to.
Also the visits usually only last 2 hours or less
Post # 9
I don’t see why you would bring the other children unless something fell through with a sitter. His sisters deserve time with their brother and shouldn’t feel like babysitters for the other children. Maybe your husband just doesn’t want to be alone with all the other kids because its a big responsiblity? If thats the case, get a friend to go over and help. Or tell him to man up 🙂