(Closed) Am I wrong for being frustrated with my MOH?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

No, you’re not wrong for being frustrated. As far as not coming to events, I think that’s not too out-of-line on her behalf–you can’t always expect people to make your wedding a priority (even if you would do it for them!). But the makeup thing is ridiculous, since she promised to give you the money!

Do you have any idea what is going on with her? It sounds like you’ve already tried to talk to her, so my normal advice of “sit down and have a long talk with her” doesn’t seem to apply.

I’m so sorry! That sounds stressful!!

I’m having an intimate wedding, and my BFF is helping a bit the day of. Today I went over the 4 things I want her to do to help (get to the ceremony site 15 minutes before me to help the rental people know where to put stuff, put the bouquet and corsages in the brides room, start the iPod for our processional music, and make sure that no one sits in the front row, which we’re reserving for our parents). Literally FOUR things, which are incredibly simple. She goes, “Wow, okay. Can you send me a big list of everything so I don’t forget it all?” Lol….. just wait until she has her own wedding to plan…..)

Post # 4
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@TexasBride2014  I am sorry to hear about your Maid/Matron of Honor, it definitely isn’t helpful in an already stressful situation.  You are not wrong for being frustrated with her.  Do you think you guys could sit down and have a talk about it all without becoming too emotional about the situation?  I find honesty to always be the easiest way to go about things.

Post # 5
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@CzechBride14:  I’m trying to work out how far away she lives. You say she lives “across the country” and has just moved to 1.5 hours from you? That’s still a long way. I don’t think you can expect her to come to much when she lives a long way away.

I wonder if the makeup is a misunderstanding. $255 is A LOT for makeup. Maybe she felt pressured? (Though that doesn’t excuse her saying one thing and doing another).

and the girls claimed she never even told them it was due early” – I hope you don’t mean you expected your Maid/Matron of Honor to communicate with your BMs. That’s your job.

Nothing here sounds too bad, except the money. It sounds like a combination of misunderstanding, and differing expectations because she lives a long way away. And stress. You might need to write off that $255, but just keep it in mind if she asks you to pay for makeup when she marries!

Post # 6
8731 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@paula1248:  +1

OP you told them if they wanted to have airbrush make up that the payment was due by x date. By her not paying that meant that she was not interested in paying $255 for airburshed make up for YOUR wedding. Pretty understandable for me.

You decided to pay for the make up. That is on you. I also think it is offensive to asusme she is bitter and jealous just because you are engaged and getting married. Sorry that just sounds egotistical to me. Maybe she can feel your disdain for her or maybe you are being a bridezilla (not saying you are). Maybe reflect on what you have said/asked her to do and whether it really was reasonable (it would probably help to take off your bride hat and put yourself in her situation to do this).

Post # 8
49 posts
  • Wedding: April 2013

@CzechBride14:  You sound totally self-aware in this post and your took on some harsh criticism with an open-mind and careful defense. If this is any indication of how you’ve handled your interaction with her, then I don’t think you’re wrong with being frustrated.

I’m also the kind of girl that will do anything when a friend needs me, and I find that if I expect people to treat me the way I treat them, I’m disappointed more often than not. I hate to say it, but that’s just the way it is. 🙁

If it was their idea to get airbrushed make-up (uhh… that shit is fancy. My girls did their own make-up and looked great…) then yeah they should pay for it. I think you paying for hair, nails, jewelry, and hotel is above and beyond the norm. I paid for my girls hair, dresses, gave them gifts and bought brunch on our wedding day, and everyone who knew that thought I was being extremely generous. So compared to me, you’re a frickin’ saint. 

I will say this before you write her off or judge much more: People who haven’t been married just do *not* get how important it is to be excited, supportive, and engaged in the whole wedding planning process. My Maid/Matron of Honor was completely disinterested in my wedding, not rude but just… not invested… and now that she’s engaged for real, she is ALL over Pinterest with wedding stuff, talks about weddings non-stop, and is jumping into planning with both feet. Her first call to me post-engagement was “HOW did you do it all?! I totally get now why you were so stressed! How did you pull it all off?! You’re a goddess!!”

So, with that in mind, I wouldn’t be so quick to assume it’s that your Maid/Matron of Honor is bitter, but she hasn’t been there so she more than likely just doesn’t GET it. 

Post # 9
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’d be really effing irrittated if I were you. I don’t know what you can do since she’s made it clear she has no problem blowing you off though. Hang in there!

Post # 11
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@CzechBride14:  Who cares what random people on these boards think?  One of the people attacking you sits on the boards all day and just writes snarky comments to everyone.  She is obviously a troll.  Don’t worry so much!

Post # 12
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@LuckiestGirlEvur:  I agree with this.  A lot of people don’t understand the stress with planning a wedding until they have done it themselves.

Post # 14
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I never realize how stressful wedding planning is, until now…

I’m the first of my friends to get married, so I think it’s the fact that no one really has any experience planning a wedding and don’t really know how to sympathize with the bride. Whenever I ask for anything, I feel like I’m burdening them.  Also, I try not to expect them to show up to everything… otherwise I’d just be met with disappointment.

I would make all efforts to be there for all of my friends… but sometimes, people just don’t think that way for some reason.  Everyone is busy with their own lives nowadays.

Post # 15
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

[comment moderated for name calling]

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