(Closed) Am I wrong for being hurt?

posted 5 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Nope! Not all moms feel that way. I think there are some things that you just can’t understand until you have your own, but I was a teacher, nanny, behavior specialist, group home counselor, and babysitter long before I had my own children, and I think non-mothers with experience know LOTS about kids. 

ETA: I will say, your friend has probably been at the wrong end of the Mommy Wars one too many times. Moms get judgey glances and looks and comments ALL.THE.TIME and she may have been at her breaking point. But that doesn’t give her the right to be a B since you approached it kindly and with love. It may help you see her perspective, though.

Post # 4
2427 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

you may have just hit a sore spot with her or made her think she wasnt taking care of her daughter (unintentionally of course)

id talk to her and just explain what you meant, and that you didnt mean any offence and that your here for her if she needs help.

i wouldnt take it personally , she may be under a bit of stress….

Post # 5
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@nearlymarriedlass:  +1  

I think the doctor comment probably came across wrong 

Post # 6
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

It was a pretty crappy thing to say but it was probably just out of frustration and not really a personal attack. She may be tired of hearing the same thing from a few people (and choosing to ignore advice) or genuinely scared at what’s going on with her daughter. Either way, I would give her a few days to cool off and try not to take it personally.

Post # 8
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Leonard2B:  I worked at a daycare for years! And my co-teacher in the infant room was in her 50s and a certified RN. But she didn’t have kids.

She REPEATEDLY warned one of the Moms that something was WRONG with her kid. But the Mom REFUSED to listen. She kept saying the daycare teacher/former RN wasn’t a Mom, and didn’t know about her daughter’s welfare. At one point, she even complained to the center director!

And guess what–there was something VERY wrong with her kid.

Some people are just bad at “it takes a village”, or sees you as judging her parenting skills (which you totally weren’t BTW!)

Post # 9
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Leonard2B:  What you have just described was quite possibly a “Sanctimommy.” I know a few: in their mind, no one knows anything about anything until they deliver a child. Period.

Of COURSE not all mothers are this way, but it sounds like your well intentioned comment struck a nerve with her; she may not have meant anything by her response, but that doesnt change how rude it sounds.


Post # 10
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m not quite sure why your friend would be offended. First, She is talking to you about the problem (seems to me like she is looking for empathy). Second, Isn’t common knowledge to take your child the Dr if she always has a fever?! 

Post # 11
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@badabing88:  I lub when you teach me new words 😀

Oh, and +1.

Post # 13
8483 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Leonard2B:  I’ve gotten attitudes like that before, too. I watched my moms ex boyfriends kids everyday for 2 years, basically raised the youngest and she even called me mama. I babysat another girl from 8 months to 5 years. But one of my coworkers would snort and ignore me anytime I mentioned anything to do with kids and gave me the “well you dont know what you’re talking about because you dont have kids of your own” talk.

Post # 14
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with PP. I think you just hit a nerve with her. I think she’s been judged before and a mom whose child has been that sick repeatedly is probably very defensive by now. I don’t think she really thinks that all women who don’t personally have a child are unqualified to comment; I think you were just the metaphorical straw that broke the camel’s back.

I’m currently PG and sometimes I want to snap at people in a similar fashion. Everyone has an opinion or a leading question and it’s like, “DUH don’t you think I already KNOW!?!”

Post # 15
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think she took your comment the wrong way. As a mom I’ve gotten a lot of bitchy comments from people (99% family) suggesting that I don’t take proper care of my pregnant self or son. Maybe she’s so used to hearing these sorts of comments that she took yours the wrong way.


Or maybe she’s just crazy;)

Post # 16
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Leonard2B:  I don’t think you need to be a mom to know that a kid having fevers every other day is a problem that should involve a trip to the doctor.  

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