Post # 1
Hey Bees! So, my sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor and my one and only bridesmaid. My wedding starts at 6pm with pictures starting at 2pm. The groom and his family will get pictures first as my makeup appt is at 1:45. He and I will get first look photos done around 2:45. Anyway, my sister informs me today that she just found out her good friend’s daughter is getting married on the same day at 2pm. I asked if she was going and she said yes but that she will be at my wedding by 4pm for pics. So, she won’t be with me to get my makeup done, hair fixed, dress on, etc. I am somewhat offended but don’t want to say anything. Am I wrong for being upset?
Post # 3
Are you really taking pictures for 4 straight hours?
Post # 4
@Mrs.babycat: that’s what I thought when she said 2:00! She said she wants to be done by 5:00 so I can freshen up and relax a little before things get started. I actually even posted about it before (at that time, wedding was scheduled for 7:00 with pictures at 3:15). Most people that replied said that was about right. I thought it was too early before I read all their posts.
Post # 5
No, you’re not wrong for feeling upset– you’re entitled to have any feelings you have.
It’s how you deal with this– this is one of your sister’s friends too. She wants to be there for that wedding– kinda sounds like she’s just going to the ceremony (so she’ll be gone for a couple hours) then be with you for the rest of the day!
What do you want to do? Do you want to tell your sister that she HAS to be there to watch you get your makeup done and miss her friend’s wedding?
Post # 6
Did you want getting ready pictures with your sis? Or just to spend some bonding time? Can another female relative take your sister’s place for this purpose?
Post # 7
Maybe I’m just not “in the know” with this MoH/Bridesmaid stuff, but I’ve been a bridesmaid in two weddings and both times the bridesmaids and I just sat around while the bride got ready. It wasn’t exactly a special moment, we watched her squeeze into her dress and get her face done up. We didn’t exactly sit around and giggle and talk about the wedding or the bride, but is this really a special moment?
I wouldn’t mind getting ready by myself. I don’t care if my bridesmaids are with me because what are they going to do? If I need a bottle of water, I have hands to get one myself, and if I have to pee, I’ve got a dress that allows me to do that self sufficiently.
I suppose if this is important to you, you’re more than allowed to be upset, but I’m just lost at what point a bridesmaid is supposed to do before the ceremony begins. If this is that important to you, you need to discuss it with her instead of moping about it.
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
That’s a crazy long time for pictures. I think you should just let her do what she wants. Between 4 and 6, she will be in plenty of pictures.
Post # 9
Post # 10
I think you have a legit reason to be upset. When you sign up to be someone’s bridesmaid, esp their MoH, you’re pretty much signing up to spend that day with them doing bridey stuff, IMO. I’m kind of shocked she would tell you that she’s skipping out to see a friend’s daughter get married. Other maids/brides may disagree, obvs. I feel like I’m asking very little overall from my MoH, but I would definitely be extremely upset if she told me 8 weeks out that she wasn’t turning up on the wedding day until 3 hours before the ceremony.
That said, if she’s determined to go to the other wedding, there isn’t really anything you can do that’s not extreme/inflammatory (like asking her to step down/replacing her).
Post # 11
@Hyperventilate: I guess I’m overreacting. I am the girl from 27 Dresses…always the bridesmaid never the bride. Every wedding I’ve been part of, I have done everything…planned and thrown bachelorette parties, thrown bridal showers, bought my own dress, drove the bride to her hair appt and to get her makeup done, got her water, basically the gopher all day. Maybe I just think that’s what a Maid/Matron of Honor job is…even if its not. I mean, there has been no mention of any showers or anything. I bought her dress because she says she can’t afford it, I’m paying to have it altered, etc…sorry….just having a pity party. I think I’m done now as I’m not the “down in the dumps” kind of girl. Lol! Thanks for listening 🙂
Post # 12
A lot of brides have thier photographers with them for the whole day (from what I’ve heard,.) But, I do think from 4-6 should be fine though for pics. I would want to make sure at least somebody was there with me while I was getting ready (not for pics but to make sure I looked good.) It wouldnt have to be my bridesmaid though unless I really really wanted her opinion and her support more than any other female.
Post # 13
@geekspice: That is also true becuase what if the bride really needed something ASAP and you knew your Maid/Matron of Honor was off at another wedding and not able to help. That would make me very nervous.
Post # 14
@DayDay: Did she know beforehand that you wanted her there early to get hair, make-up and, photos done? I’d say if she did know than I’d definitely be hurt but I don’t know what you can do about it as she has made it known she was going to her friend’s wedding, as well. If she didn’t know until now that she would need to be there early than I wouldn’t be as upset.
Post # 15
I think you’re making a mistake if you make a big deal of this. Life is often about compromise and if you don’t acknowledge and accept that your sister has many people who are special to her, you risk straining your relationship. As a sister of a popular girl myself, I’d rather share my sister on my wedding day than always have her feel like I forced her to miss out on another event. There’s nothing she has to do that day that someone else can’t help with. Be gracious and don’t fuss over her going to the other wedding before joining you for your day.
Post # 16
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
@sheepandbear: I had photos all day, but the ciritical stuff was all in the hour before the ceremony and after. One of my BMs (I had 2 total) decided to do her own hair and makeup so she wasn’t with me and the other Bridesmaid or Best Man and my mom at the salon for hair and makeup. We still have tons of great photos.
This is a pick your battle moment. It sucks to be in this situation, but, OP, if you force your sister to come, she’ll be thinking the whole time about what she is missing. Wouldn’t you rather that she be there when she can (which is for all the important stuff anyway) happy and with her head in the right place than there watching you get ready and sad or mad or bitter or guilty, etc.? You are not wrong to be upset, but you would be wrong, IMO, to hang on to those feelings and to make a big deal about it.