Post # 1
I am a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my sisters wedding next Friday, they are doing the rehersal on Wednesday at 4. In order to make it to the rehersal I would have to leave work an hour and a half early to get there on time because of how far it is from where I work. I sent them a message saying I can see but I don’t know if I can make it because I’m 32 weeks pregnant and already have to leave work for a few hours every 2 weeks now for doctors appointments. I will now have to take half days tomorrow and Monday as well from work for visitation and burrial for my uncle. I am in the last month of getting everything ready at work before I am off for a year, not only do I think it will be harder for work to agree to me leaving early since I now how to for my uncle, but financially I can’t afford to miss more hours of work than I absolutly need to.
One of the other BM’s also said she may not make it because of work. This morning I woke up to a message from my sister’s Fiance saying “if everyone can sweet talk their bosses and make it out to (venue) for 4pm on Wednesday that would be greatly appreciated, it would help things go much smoother on Friday. (Sister) and I would greatly appreciate it”. Is it wrong for me to not try harder to make it to the rehersal? Especially since that message rubbed me the wrong way when they chose to have the rehersal at a time people generally work and expect us to make it out there. I feel like they don’t understand it’s not that easy for me to constantly leave work.
I know my sister’s FI’s parents aren’t even going to the rehersal because they had told me when they told me about the rehersal dinner (which I will be going to)
Post # 2
If you can’t be there, don’t be there. Its not the end of the world – millions of bridesmaids manage to walk up the aisle just fine without practicing it first, and plenty of weddings go perfectly without any rehearsal at all. Look after yourself first x
Post # 3
Nope. Not wrong. And assuming you are in the U.S. conserving as much leave as possible due to your pregnancy is really smart.
Thems the breaks of having a rehearsal during normal business hours. She’ll just have to deal. Walking in a straight line is pretty easy – I’m sure she can bring you up to speed shortly before the ceremony.
That said, while her message is a little passive aggressive, I wouldn’t say anything to her about it unless she decides to make a bigger issue out of it specifically to you. It seems like she is aware this is a time that requires people to take off work and she’s just simply making the request at this point. It isn’t like she is threatening to disown you if you don’t make it.
Post # 4
So your job is to be a “pregnant……..best man”? Sure sounds as though you have some major issues going on.
All we ever can do in life is our best.
Post # 5
Missing the rehearsal isn’t a big deal but let the bride know ahead of time.
Post # 6
It’s absolutely not wrong of you to not attend the rehearsal. They scheduled the rehearsal during working hours, they can’t demand that you miss work to be at the rehearsal when it’s not even necessary to attend anyway. Just explain the situation, that you’ve had to take a lot of time off lately, and your boss won’t let you take anymore time off.
Post # 7
I know as a boss I would be more than happy to take on extra work so someone could leave early because it conveniences their sister’s fiance re a wedding rehearsal.
Just explain once and then leave it. They chose this knowing it would be hard for everyone. You should not compromise your working relationship over their choice
Post # 8
ann.reid.9277 : looks like the abreviation issue isn’t fixed yet, not sure how that would work being a pregnant best man….
Thanks for the validation everyone! I’ll just stick to my guns with not being able to make it and not let them try to guilt me into it. After that message I was worried I should try to make it work but you all have helped reassure me that I can’t make them happy with everything. They need to realize people can’t make it to everything and let it go, not try to pull a guilt trip
Post # 9
ann.reid.9277 : WB automatically changes B M (when typed together) to Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 10
They want you to miss work on Wednesday and Friday for their wedding? How rude.
Post # 11
I don’t think you should feel badly, but I think it should be noted that a lot of times venues choose the rehearsal time and couples have to take what they can get. You said your sister chose this time, but maybe it was the best time or only time the venue offered? When I was venue searching a couple spots said the rehearsals had to be two days before the wedding date at 1 in the afternoon. I would choose 4pm, too, if it meant people had to skip out an hour or two early versus take most of the day off. Unfortunately, venues often schedule rehearsals at a time that is convenient for them and no one else. Not sure if this is the case here, but unless your sister and her fiancé are super inconsiderate I doubt they designed this to be so inconvenient.
Also, this is another reason why I find Friday (and other weeknight) weddings to be pretty inconsiderate. There really isn’t a good time during the week to do a rehearsal, and the bridal party is already expected to take Friday off for wedding festivities.
Post # 12
w100116 : i always find it ridiculous when couples expect you to show up for a rehearsal TWO DAYS before their wedding. the night before? yes, fine. you should plan for that. but TWO NIGHTS before? hell no. and that’s all with a saturday wedding. if she’s getting married on a friday, she’s already inconvenienced everyone with having to take a day off of work for the wedding. there’s no way in hell i’d be busting my ass to get there for a wedesday rehearsal too. she can either do it (late) on thursday night (so people dont have to leave work early), or she ccan do it bright and early friday morning before everyone starts getting ready. otherwise, you dont have to go, and she might not have everyone there.
Post # 13
w100116 : So actually, your job in terms of the wedding is to try to be as relaxed as possible and enjoy it, and not to worry about all the OTHER bases you’re trying to cover!
Feeling a little disappointed that you won’t be able to post a selfie of you in the maternity tux though-
STAY COOL, HYDRATE, RELAX AND ENJOY!!!
Post # 14
bear123 : but she chose the venue. if she chose a venue with inconvenient rehearsal times, then expecting everyone to show up for said inconvenient time is something you sacrifice is choosing that venue.
Post # 15
We didn’t even have a formal rehearsal because the only time we could get the venue was at 5:00 on the Thursday before our Saturday wedding. We had a lot of out of town guests coming in so we had a welcome dinner on Friday instead (venue had another wedding that night so that’s why it wasn’t available to us). I briefly went over how everyone would be lined up at the dinner. It wasn’t a big deal at all and everyone was fine the day of the wedding.
Don’t feel bad for not missing it. Circumstances right now dictate that you have to take other time off and that has to take priority. As a boss I too would not be happy of you having to take yet another half day off, even if it was for your sister’s wedding. I’m assuming you have to take part of Friday off anyway.
Stick to your guns and tell your sister that your boss won’t let you (fib if you have to).